Jana Remy
  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching

Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
Identity (and relationships)
deep thoughts

Identity (and relationships)

written by Jana June 17, 2012

Since being single I’ve felt a strong resistance to dating anyone with young children (young as in, still living at home).  It’s not that I don’t like children (I do like them, very much), or it’s not that I have any prejudice about dating a parent per se, but my reticence seems to stem from a desire to maintain an identity for myself that’s separate from my role as a mother.*  Perhaps it doesn’t make much sense as I try to articulate it here, and perhaps it sounds especially odd given that I’m a parent and anyone that I date has to accept that part of my life…But what I seem to crave now is to be defined by my own merits and not to be put into a situation again where I will be defined or restrained by a caregiving role.

Navigating romance and relationships in the middle-stage of life is tricky business and I certainly have my fair share of baggage from the past to make it more complicated.  So I’m figuring all of this stuff out as I go along–proceeding with caution and listening as closely as I can to my various inclinations in the process.  These matters aren’t entirely logical and there are few models to follow, so it feels like I have to depend on my own intuition as I move forward.

I’m curious if any of you have made similar decisions about dating and relationships?  Do you have ‘rules’ that you follow (e.g. no kids) as you evaluate potential matches?

*FWIW, I’ve also not been interested in dating anyone LDS or formerly-LDS for the same reason.  I’ve put my natal religion completely behind me now and I don’t want it to play any part in my future relationships.

Share this:

  • Share
  • Email
  • Pinterest
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Print
2 comments
0
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
Jana

previous post
On powering down…
next post
birthday

More Posts Like This One

it irks me

to die for

The “ought” of technology

a(nother) project

A FaceBook & Social Media Success Story

aching

we haven’t time

8 Random Things, a meme

lovin’ these

You will survive

2 comments

Megan June 18, 2012 - 7:06 am

Interesting question! I find dating so fraught in general because of my particular little red wagon of baggage* that I don’t think I’ve managed to make rational, conscious decisions about the specifics. Yet.

I completely agree with you about children, and that is the one that I’ve put most thought into. I am emerging out of active, daily parenting as my children are going away on their own adventures and I am unwilling (selfishly) to go back to that role.

I think I’m still learning how to date as an adult and BE rational about it. That’s what happens when you marry at 19 I suppose – you don’t get to work out these things at an early age. It’s an interesting journey. Maybe the thing I need to figure out as a top priority is how to be courageous in dating?

*My joke is that I have so much baggage I need a little red wagon to haul it around in.

Reply
Jana June 18, 2012 - 12:45 pm

I think I’ve got the courageous part down…I’ve dated lots of different kinds of people since my marriage ended.* In general I’ve found it quite a fun adventure, although a few times it’s been a bit scary (trusting new-to-me strangers is hard and doesn’t always work as well as one would hope).

Perhaps part of my courageousness stemmed from just jumping in and doing it…I was dating within a few days of my split with my ex-husband. At the time I needed a diversion (and to have some fun), and dating seemed a good way to do that. I also had the feeling that if I waited too long, it would get harder to do (because my insecurities and anxieties would escalate in the meantime). So I just jumped right in. :)

*note: I’m in a relationship, so I’m not actively dating at the moment. :)

Reply

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

Subscribe via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog.

Popular

  • 1

    A Room of My Own

    December 4, 2017
  • 2

    the post-post divorce Christmas celebration

    November 28, 2017
  • 3

    open

    December 21, 2017
  • 4

    Reader, I married him

    March 22, 2017
  • Ellycat

    January 2, 2019

Categories

Archives

Popular Posts

  • 1

    A Room of My Own

    December 4, 2017
  • 2

    the post-post divorce Christmas celebration

    November 28, 2017
  • 3

    open

    December 21, 2017

Calendar

June 2012
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  
« May   Jul »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Flickr

@2017 - PenciDesign. All Right Reserved. Designed and Developed by PenciDesign


Back To Top
loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.