Jana Remy
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Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
Monthly Archives

July 2012

going the distance…
amputeedisability

going the distance…

I spent this morning in the ocean with some coaches, getting tips on my long-distance swimming.  I’m new at this, so I had a lot to learn, and it was incredibly generous of these folks to offer their time to help me.  It was arranged via the Challenged Athletes Foundation (CAF), for disabled athletes who are preparing for triathlons and need open-water swim skills.*  This is the first time that I’ve worked with CAF and it was an interesting experience.

First of all, I want to emphasize how appreciative I am of the experience and how responsive the coaches were with me, not knowing me beforehand or being confident of my swimming ability (and, I did choke a few times out there–I’ve never tried to swim for distance in the open water and it was tougher than I thought it would be).

What made me feel the best was when the coaches critiqued what I was doing and challenged me to do better, rather than when they took it easy on me.  For example, for the first 30 minutes or so I simply couldn’t get my head in the water–it was so cold that every time the water closed around my ears I couldn’t breathe.  It was probably partly from the temperature and partly from my own nervousness at ‘seeing’ what was underneath me with my goggles on (I never really want to know what’s down there) that I struggled with this.  And there was also an element of fear because I didn’t know how to swim straight with my head in the water–how was I supposed to see the turn buoys up ahead and aim for them?  But one of the coaches helped me to focus on bringing warm air into my sinuses before I rolled my face into the water, and blowing that out more actively which each stroke rather than holding my breath.  By doing that I was finally able to get my head in and make progress (it was also much less exhausting than trying to stroke with my head out of the water).  And, by the time two hours had passed, I’d put in some really good laps out on the water and had improved markedly.  By the end it was pretty easy to swim the length of the Newport jetty and back.

Perhaps the most important thing I learned from the experience: if I’m going to spend a lot of time in the water I’m going to need a wetsuit (despite my confidence that I already spend enough time in the ocean that I’m acclimated to the cold water temperature).  It took more than an hour after I returned home to get warmed up again after my time out there–my fingers and toes were still numb long after the rest of me was thawed out.  I’d also like to find a swimming buddy who wants to make a habit of early-morning ocean swims.  Once I have a wetsuit I could imagine that this would become an important part of my training regimen.

And finally:  as I was walking back through the waves to the beach (and struggling a bit to get my feet under me in the shifting sand), one of the coaches scolded me a bit:

“Never turn your back on the ocean,”  she explained.

I realized in that moment that I had no fear of the waves coming up behind me.  I laughed it off–telling her that if I fell in, there was hardly any damage done (I was already cold and wet).  And while I’m sure her advice was sound and I should keep it in mind for times that I’m alone, but I like the surprise (or anticipation) that comes from letting the ocean pummel me a bit.  I rarely feel more alive than when I’m being rocked to and fro by the rhythms of the water…

*I’m not necessarily prepping for a triathlon, but I am in the midst of setting some ambitious athletic goals and this morning’s swim was part of that process.

July 29, 2012
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things I like

Twitter Weekly Digest for @janaremy, 2012-07-27

  • Picnicking at the train station today :) http://t.co/TUodEPsW #
  • From the archive: : Make me smile… http://t.co/47nHKnit #
  • From the archive: : non, je ne regrette rien http://t.co/gauD16qb #
  • From the archive: : we're all cheering http://t.co/VdRgH3SK #amputee #
  • Bless the 2 women on the L-train who squeezed me on with my bags & crutches & helped me navigate the rush hour jam of bodies #chicago #
  • Hot, humid, gorgeous @ Museum of Contemporary Photography http://t.co/9NGBZLxd #
  • From the archive: : back on track http://t.co/cfAyolGc #
  • Such a gorgeous library–stained glass dome @ chicago cultural center http://t.co/wTOpXcmU #
  • Chicago river tour today… http://t.co/wcYz2SZw #
  • Chicago at sunset http://t.co/aG86Gyv5 #
  • Truffle-basil risotto. Wherein I'm told that no, it's not ok to lick my plate… http://t.co/I3khy8MO #
  • Chicory….amazing http://t.co/hePJtnI3 #
  • Second course on the tasting menu @ Graham Elliot http://t.co/jDpYR7HS #
  • From the archive: : mornings http://t.co/e8JGlpf3 #
  • From the archive: : re-boot http://t.co/au1JMu42 #amputee #
  • Millennium park, in a summer rain shower http://t.co/bInylIhl #
  • Train station signage http://t.co/03sOpS1e #
  • Birthday boy with his 1st frozen yogurt cone http://t.co/L4c2bbqN #
  • Just posted a photo @ chicago history museum http://t.co/B4dTiP73 #
  • From the archive: : Because I am hoarding muscle and bone density like the compulsive cat lady and her… http://t.co/d5ykx9FU #women #
  • I do love a good train map… @ Chicago O'Hare International Airport (ORD) http://t.co/PRi0JtEw #
  • My favorite way to start the weekend :) http://t.co/4IDbw9ax #
  • From the archive: : As busy as a…bunny? http://t.co/h2n4Hfbr #
July 27, 2012
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blues
deep thoughts

blues

I get blue sometimes.  And sometimes those feelings persist and worsen to the point that they verge on depression.

When that happens, I run through my list of four things and make sure that I’m doing each one–because I’ve found that these help so much with helping me to rebound from those blue periods.

1) Getting some time in the sun and fresh air.  If it’s rainy or wintry, I make sure that I’m using full-spectrum bulbs in my home so I can mimic the sunshine for a bit (and get that depression-fighting vitamin D flowing).

2) Eating well, especially limiting sugar and simple carbs.

3) Exercising.  This one is key for me.  For example, in the first few weeks after I split with my ex, I made sure that I exercised every single day–knowing that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have the emotional strength to deal with all I was facing.  For me, weightlifting, paddling, swimming and racquetball (with my silly Remy rules) are particularly effective.

4) Spending time with friends.  When I’m in a blue period I’ll often make sure that everyday I have some time with a friend scheduled–a drink, a lunch, or a trip to the climbing wall together.

I’ve also got a few songs that help to lift my spirits, that are on an iTunes playlist called “Here Comes the Sun.”  Here’s one of them:

I also have a favorite soft blanket that I’ll wrap around me if I’m having a particularly tough time.  With some books of poetry nearby.

What do you do to fight the blues?

July 26, 2012
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Productivity tip…
digital humanitiesproductivity

Productivity tip…

When I leave work in the evening, I’ve started sticking a post-it in the center of my screen with the tasks that I most need to do first thing the next morning.

It’s a good way to keep me focused on the most important things right when I arrive, and also relieves some of the pressure to complete all of my pending tasks before I go home.  That way, I can wrote them down and leave them on my desk (rather than carrying the weight of the undone things with me through the whole evening).

July 20, 2012
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things I like

Twitter Weekly Digest for @janaremy, 2012-07-20

  • From the archive: : day's-eye http://t.co/Vv8njcgE #garden #
  • From the archive: : my feet, they're all wet… http://t.co/wprZRKXu #amputee #
  • Fashionable bionics on the streets of NY: http://t.co/q1JIdADk #lifeofanamputee #whatacuteskirt! #
  • From the archive: : blogher http://t.co/oPW61W8Y #women #
  • From the archive: : paddling http://t.co/R3qblEuO #
  • From the archive: : Make me smile… http://t.co/xmShcv1n #
  • From the archive: : I'm a survivor… http://t.co/zp3BRarn #
  • Kid doodles on my copy of Dinesen #itscutenow http://t.co/IxZBneNY #
  • From the archive: : Make me smile… http://t.co/pNNL3kuc #
July 20, 2012
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ssc

Short shameful confession #22

I managed to freak out the kiddos pretty well the other night by driving down the freeway with the dashboard controls set to metric (it looked to them like I was clocking 120mph).

But they figured out the conversion quickly enough & breathed a bit easier afterwards. :)

33.786627-117.84342
July 19, 2012
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say yes…
make me smileworld

say yes…

Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep out alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no when you don’t want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you’re doing here. Believe in kissing.
– Eve Ensler (h/t Jen Gray)


Picture above taken in a German train station, after several hours of standing-room-only-jetlagged train riding.  Exhausting.  Worth it.

July 18, 2012
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how long…
deep thoughtsfamilyschool

how long…

This past weekend was wonderful.  I got to spend time paddling, with friends, and getting caught up on home things (i.e. laundry and packing).  But mostly, I spent time with the kiddos.

We cooked all of our meals together (I’m giving them basic cooking lessons as a prep for their soon-to-be living on their own), watched movies, and just talked.  And talked.  We ate our meals on the back porch surrounded by the bird chatter (I loved that moment that GameBoy looked up into the trees and exclaimed “There are a lot of birds up there!”  And maybe finally understood why I like taking my morning coffee and afternoon tea out on the deck).

As the weekend came to an end we were up late talking once again and I told them what a wonderful time it had been.  I asked them if they noticed how different this weekend was from the other ones that we’ve had together the past few months.  And for a moment they thought about it but didn’t grasp what made this one so special.  Then I reminded them that it was our first weekend together since I’d graduated, and recounted just how stressful my weekends had been in my final push to finish writing my dissertation.

Then Catgirl asked, “Mom, how long has it been since you’ve been doing schoolwork on your weekends?”

“Ten years.”

(she was five then)

July 17, 2012
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that things can happen…
deep thoughtsmake me smile

that things can happen…

“When in the end, the day came on which I was going away, I learned the strange learning that things can happen which we ourselves cannot possibly imagine, either beforehand, or at the time when they are taking place, or afterwards when we look back on them.” – Karen Blixen Out of Africa, 1937

I’ve had the thought lately that I shouldn’t speak about how satisfied I am with my life right now, because that will somehow jinx the goodness of things.  But on the other hand, it seems a shame not to acknowledge beauty and joy when they occur, or to keep too great a worry of “what ifs” in my mind that I can’t appreciate the present state of things.

So I will just say it.  Things are really good.  Unimaginably good.  And it’s hard for me to think of a time that I’ve been any happier than I am right now.  When I sit on my back porch in the mornings and reflect about the various comings-and-goings of people and events at chez Remy, I often feel as though this is just a happy bubble of a dream that turned into a life much more interesting and enjoyable than any I’d ever imagined for myself.  It’s a strange feeling, indeed.  But also very very good.

Right now my mind’s awhirl with memories as I’m packing for our move to a house that’s a few blocks away from where we live now.  As I do so I’m shedding even more weight from the past (things not used in over a year are being given away), and being intentional about the kind of home that I want… Simple.  Comfortable.  Clean.  Bright.  Warm.  Organized. Artful.  Roomy.  At the beginning of 2012 I expressed a wish to find a home that was truly home, and I’ve found that now.  Do you remember what I said?:

my biggest goal of 2012 is to find a home–not a rented temporary space like where I now live, but a place where I walk in the door at night and know just where I am. Where the kitchen is familiar, where morning light comes in the front window, where there’s a garden of flowers and herbs. In my imagination my home has plaster walls and creaky wood floors and a porch with a wicker chair.

This new house has all of the above–rich wood floors throughout the downstairs, a broad front porch with a swing(!) and plenty of room for a wicker chair, a backyard landscaped with native plants, more types of lavender than I could keep track of, and an ample kitchen herb garden as well as several fruit trees. And of course it has some rosebushes, too.

Perhaps it feels a bit superficial to be so excited about our new house–because I know it won’t necessarily make me any happier than I am now.  But at the same time, it’s also satisfying to see the simple desires that I expressed so clearly just a few months ago coming to fruition.  Perhaps the last piece of my life that’s felt unsettled since the divorce was the finding of a home-place.  And this is it.  And I think it’s about time.

July 16, 2012
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things I like

Twitter Weekly Digest for @janaremy, 2012-07-13

  • From the archive: : escape http://t.co/OrEuvJAG #body #
  • From the archive: : it's now 3 for 3 http://t.co/Ss4M2ZFj #school #
  • From the archive: : when you hear that unmistakable pounding… http://t.co/SfbvLAJq #love #
  • Happiness is: watching the birdshow in my neighbor's trees during golden hour #simplepleasures #
  • From the archive: : Boston, Boston, Boston! http://t.co/xzfwWXMf #
  • From the archive: : John's version of the story http://t.co/RBry8X2r #Random #
  • From the archive: : short and stout http://t.co/KSYxG4CE #photo #
  • From the archive: : off-season http://t.co/XHHpWXRN #photo #
July 13, 2012
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why I stopped taking PPIs for gastric reflux
amputeebodydisabilityoutrigger

why I stopped taking PPIs for gastric reflux

This post feels a bit like a PSA rather than a typical pilgrimsteps post.  But I wanted to share my experience with PPIs just in case it might be of help to some of you….

Last year I struggled to paddle because of severe back pain that was due to some problems with my prosthesis.  But it wasn’t just back pain, it was horrible painful muscle spasms that I had in my back, but also happened just about anywhere whenever I exercised vigorously.  My muscles just simply didn’t seem to be responding well to exercise–I was continuously fatigued and got cramps easily no matter what type of supplement I tried.

As a result, I quit paddling about halfway through last season.*

It wasn’t until a few months later that a lightbulb went on in my head as I talked with a friend about my chronic gastric reflux problems.  She told me that long-term use of over-the-counter PPIs did have long-term side effects (despite my thinking that they were nearly-benign meds) and that one of those was mineral loss.  I realized that the muscle cramping symptoms that I was experiencing were quite similar to the problems I’d had more than a decade previous when I was calcium deficient.  Given that I already have the double-whammy of bone density loss from being female and from having had high-dose chemotherapy, I started to become nervous about my dependence on PPIs to get me through dinnertime (it was almost always dinner that gave me problems–causing acid reflux for hours afterwards).

So…I stopped taking the PPIs cold-turkey and modified my diet as much as I could to compensate (such as no citrus or tomatoes and more yogurt).  Within a few weeks my acid reflux symptoms mostly disappeared–with only an occasional flare-up during stress.  And I found that I regained my muscle endurance fairly quickly after that.

I know that PPIs are necessary for many people and I’m not suggesting, necessarily, that you do what I did and stop taking them.  But I think it’s worth reading this recent article that warns of their side-effects, and to consider whether they are drugs that you really do need to be taking regularly.  In my case, I think the PPIs caused me to exercise less which exacerbated my reflux and led to weight gain (weight gain being one of the major contributors to reflux issues).  And I needed to get off the PPIs to I could become more active and healthy again.   My hope now is that the year I spent taking them won’t result in any long-term effect on my bone density.

*Additional motivation for quitting mid-season was due to some problems with my coach and the need to focus on my studies.  But the major reason was that I was in terrible pain each time I tried to paddle, I and I simply couldn’t figure out why my body was hurting so badly.

July 11, 2012
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there be dragons (and sharks and rattlesnakes and mice)…
deep thoughtsworld

there be dragons (and sharks and rattlesnakes and mice)…

Recently I visited a friend in the desert.

It was hot.  It was sandy.  But it was also full of growing things:

For a few hours I stayed at her home alone (while the others were out hiking), and while sitting on the porch I spied a robust amount of bird and insect life including some rabbits and a charming chirping family of quail.  There was nothing empty or deserted about that space, and small flowers were everywhere I looked.

Her property is adjacent to the Pacific Crest Trail (a place that’s been getting a lot of press lately due to Oprah’s recent Book Club pick of Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, which I do hope to read soon). Here’s an image from the trail:

One way or another, as we were planning this trip it became known that I’d never slept outside without a tent.  So we decided that it was probably time to remedy that, and that the desert might be a fine place to sleep under the stars.  But there weren’t many stars out that night, there was a three-quarter moon so bright that everything was quite visible even after the lights were out.

My host provided a cozy air mattress and sleeping bag (it was COLD despite having been into the 90s during the day).  Here’s the view from where we slept, just before sunset.  See that moon?:

Though we could hear coyotes yapping not too far away and that was a bit unsettling, the night passed without an incident and we had a relaxing breakfast on that spot the next morning as the temperatures began to rise (those biscuits were still warm from the oven–yum!):

So perhaps you can understand the cold chill that went up my spine when my friend sent me this photo later.  Yes, that’s a four-foot desert rattlesnake.  And it is crawling under the foundation of her house just a couple of feet from where my pillow was two nights before:

Euw.

But it’s funny…I’m just starting on the 9-man season for outrigger canoeing and am spending a lot of time bobbing around in the ocean on the weekends.  So everyone’s been telling me their scariest shark stories.  And I was in the water a few weekends ago when there was a 15-ft Great White spotted nearby in La Jolla.

But you know what?  I’m never thinking about sharks when I’m in the ocean (jellyfishes occasionally, because getting stung is a drag, but not sharks).  The ocean is so big and so fun that I can’t help but jump in and swim.  There’s very little that will dissuade me from getting wet.

And you know what else?  My desert-living friend told me yesterday that her house had a few mice in the cupboards, and that scared me far more than did her rattlesnake photo.  My whole body shook for a few seconds as I realized that I’d spent two days there.  In her house.  With the mice.  I’m glad I didn’t know that beforehand.  And I’m glad there’s a snake to take care of those mice.  And I’m glad that I have some commitments on the ocean most weekends for the next few months.  Because I think it might be awhile before I head to the desert again.   :)

July 10, 2012
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About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

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