Jana Remy
  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching

Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
deep thoughtslove

because it’s that time of year…

written by Jana February 10, 2012

Since it’s almost V-Day, I’ve got romance on the brain…

Last year around this time, my friends helped me to create a list of criteria for a future partner.  It was a fun exercise to see what they hoped for me, to add a few of my own desires, and to comment when I think they missed the mark.

Based on my dating experiences since then, I’ve added a few things to my list:

  • I’d like my partner to be flexible and adaptable.  To be the kind of person that when you take a wrong turn when you’re heading somewhere, doesn’t panic or get angsty.  But who sees it as an opportunity to explore somewhere that neither of you had anticipated.
  • Enjoying good food is a must.  Having an adventurous palate and knowing one’s way around the kitchen is also pretty important.  Because I get so much pleasure from creating and eating food, I want a partner who can appreciate the effort that goes into preparing a meal, and who enjoys the subtleties of spice and fresh ingredients.
  • I’d like for my partner to be a naturally happy person, whose default mood tends toward the positive and who radiates enthusiasm.  While we all have our down days, I like being around people who feel hopeful, and for whom negative experiences are an exception rather than the norm.  They should smile often and easily, and even be prone to fits of occasional giggling.
  • I also want my partner to be passionate.  About their life, their work, their hobbies, their goals, and their future.  Ok, and a little passion for me should be somewhere in there, too  :)

One thing that was a surprise to me this past year, was the realization that dating inside of the ivory tower isn’t a necessity–because for a long time I only imagined myself with another professor-type.  Since then I’ve learned that I spend so much time with other academics, it’s actually quite refreshing to get outside of that bubble.  But…on the flip side, I’ve found that some of the non-academic people that I’ve dated don’t like hanging out with intellectuals, or are intimidated by a group of friends who all have advanced degrees.  So I’d have to say that anyone I date that’s from outside that world, needs to also appreciate that my social circle tends to revolve around the university, and not find that too daunting.

This dating stuff has been quite a wild ride.  I’ve found some people who were “right” in all of my categories but for whom I had zero romantic attraction.  And then there were those who were so different from me that I didn’t even know what we find to talk about, but who made me so weak in the knees that I didn’t care much at all about the conversation.  And of course, I have found those that I was attracted to both mind and body (and what a delight).

I never expected to go through dating or courtship again after I settled on marrying John, so this has been totally unexpected phase of life…but also one that’s both more exciting and more satisfying than I could have ever imagined.

While I’m still not thrilled that my ex left me, I am glad that I get to choose a new partner now.  Especially being so much wiser and more practical than I was at age 18 when what was paramount in my future husband was that he was a faithful Mormon.

Previous Valentine’s Day posts

 

 

Share this:

  • Share
  • Email
  • Pinterest
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Print
2 comments
0
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
Jana

previous post
Twitter Weekly Digest for @janaremy, 2012-02-10
next post
standing

More Posts Like This One

resolved

Reader, I married him

a neighborhood expression of care

on swimming, by moonlight

comfort food

but there’s a lot of math…

things past & present

eulogy

time and magic and (just a few) tears…

which part is mine?

2 comments

Patrick Murray-John February 10, 2012 - 8:24 am

Yep…I’ve found much the same. Discovered a big criteria for me is the passion on all levels, and the hopefulness — the anticipation of even happier things soon to come, and the willingness to help make them happen — that goes with it in all aspects of their lives. I’ve dated people who seem to have that in one aspect of their lives (personal, professional, hobbies, etc.), but completely lack it in others. It’s not a zero-sum game, folks!

Good luck!

Reply
Jana February 10, 2012 - 8:36 am

Patrick: I appreciate you (and the other OneWeekers) helping me to galvanize my feelings about fraternizing with passionate, positive, engaged people. A much-needed lesson for me.

Looking forward to hanging out with y’all again sometime soon (not sure when that will be–maybe we need to put another gathering into the works?)…

Reply

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

Subscribe via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog.

Popular

  • 1

    A Room of My Own

    December 4, 2017
  • 2

    the post-post divorce Christmas celebration

    November 28, 2017
  • 3

    Reader, I married him

    March 22, 2017
  • 4

    open

    December 21, 2017
  • Ellycat

    January 2, 2019

Categories

Archives

Popular Posts

  • 1

    A Room of My Own

    December 4, 2017
  • 2

    the post-post divorce Christmas celebration

    November 28, 2017
  • 3

    Reader, I married him

    March 22, 2017

Calendar

February 2012
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
272829  
« Jan   Mar »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Flickr

@2017 - PenciDesign. All Right Reserved. Designed and Developed by PenciDesign


Back To Top