“When in the end, the day came on which I was going away, I learned the strange learning that things can happen which we ourselves cannot possibly imagine, either beforehand, or at the time when they are taking place, or afterwards when we look back on them.” – Karen Blixen Out of Africa, 1937
I’ve had the thought lately that I shouldn’t speak about how satisfied I am with my life right now, because that will somehow jinx the goodness of things. But on the other hand, it seems a shame not to acknowledge beauty and joy when they occur, or to keep too great a worry of “what ifs” in my mind that I can’t appreciate the present state of things.
So I will just say it. Things are really good. Unimaginably good. And it’s hard for me to think of a time that I’ve been any happier than I am right now. When I sit on my back porch in the mornings and reflect about the various comings-and-goings of people and events at chez Remy, I often feel as though this is just a happy bubble of a dream that turned into a life much more interesting and enjoyable than any I’d ever imagined for myself. It’s a strange feeling, indeed. But also very very good.
Right now my mind’s awhirl with memories as I’m packing for our move to a house that’s a few blocks away from where we live now. As I do so I’m shedding even more weight from the past (things not used in over a year are being given away), and being intentional about the kind of home that I want… Simple. Comfortable. Clean. Bright. Warm. Organized. Artful. Roomy. At the beginning of 2012 I expressed a wish to find a home that was truly home, and I’ve found that now. Do you remember what I said?:
my biggest goal of 2012 is to find a home–not a rented temporary space like where I now live, but a place where I walk in the door at night and know just where I am. Where the kitchen is familiar, where morning light comes in the front window, where there’s a garden of flowers and herbs. In my imagination my home has plaster walls and creaky wood floors and a porch with a wicker chair.
This new house has all of the above–rich wood floors throughout the downstairs, a broad front porch with a swing(!) and plenty of room for a wicker chair, a backyard landscaped with native plants, more types of lavender than I could keep track of, and an ample kitchen herb garden as well as several fruit trees. And of course it has some rosebushes, too.
Perhaps it feels a bit superficial to be so excited about our new house–because I know it won’t necessarily make me any happier than I am now. But at the same time, it’s also satisfying to see the simple desires that I expressed so clearly just a few months ago coming to fruition. Perhaps the last piece of my life that’s felt unsettled since the divorce was the finding of a home-place. And this is it. And I think it’s about time.
1 comment
Wonderful! One of my goals this year is to find a realio trulio ‘family home’ which we have never had. An OUR home that I actually own my own self and where we can gather when possible and where various tribe members can go when they need some peace and respite.
I’m glad you’ve found yours!