Jana Remy
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Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
one month
familyJohn

one month

written by Jana December 21, 2010

This is probably the last picture of our family, taken about a month ago.  We were picking up some dinner at Taco Mesa before the kids had some school-related activities.  John snapped this pic and posted it to Twitter, while making some comment about how “nothing really happened unless it was photographed and tweeted.”

At this point I’d already sent John the first volley in the email conversations that would be the catalyst for his decision to leave.  I was awaiting his reply while life carried on rather normally on the surface of things.

Such photos say so much.  And so very little.

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4 comments

David K. December 21, 2010 - 6:32 pm

Being averse both to using Twitter and being photographed, by that logic, I guess *I* don’t really happen. And yet, in so many contemporary contexts, I feel I an irrelevant, so I guess that makes sense.

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Melanie December 21, 2010 - 11:26 pm

My parents have been divorced for ten years. I still have a hard time looking at family photos. Since right after the divorce I have found it hard to believe that their marriage ever really happened- it’s taken on kind of a dreamlike, ethereal quality in my memory. Seeing those photos is so confusing, like there’s something authentic missing from them. It’s my family, but it’s not nuclear.

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Dejah December 22, 2010 - 11:41 am

When the kids and I have looked at old photos from before the divorce, as hard as it may have felt for me or how painful it felt inside, I have always made sure to acknowledge to the kids the validity and efficacy of the event we were looking at. Simple comments, such as, “yes, that was a great camping trip indeed!” and invariably good memories of the event would come up and we’d talk about them. Acknowledging those times and valuing what they were has been important, and it has validated what we had, even though it is not that way anymore.

Jana, I realize you are still in what I call the, “epicentre” of the event, but in time, with continued healing for both you and your kids, the rich digital history of your lives can and will be important and valued.

Hang in there. I promise, it gets better.

Reply
Tiffany December 22, 2010 - 11:10 pm

Jana, I have been reading PilgrimSteps off and on for a couple of years (found you through Dooce). I have always enjoyed your writing and insight. I am sending loving and warm thoughts your way. xoxoxo

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About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

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