I realized something about myself recently. When I’m hurt by someone or something I tend to go into avoidance mode. As an example, one time someone humiliated me while we were playing charades. I haven’t been able to do a charade since then (although I will support others who want to play) and for many years I lost interest in party games of any kind. The same thing goes for an incident with some photos that someone took that really hurt my feelings. It took about five years for me to pick up a camera after that and I still have some resistance to taking pictures of people for that same reason.
My inability to participate in Mormon services is certainly part of wanting to avoid situations that cause hurt. I feel a bit like a lab rat running in a maze who once I’ve been shocked a few times in a particular lane, learns not to return there again.
I don’t think this is an entirely healthy safety mechanism. I think I need to learn better how to face the things that have caused hurt. I can’t always just run the other way.