The last few months have been really kick-ass cool and productive for me. I’ve made lots of progress on my dissertation research, I’ve spent some super high-quality time with friends, I’ve approached many adventures with a new-found sense of confidence. And most of all, I have been healthy!
So it’s rather odd to me that when I returned home this afternoon I felt a bit off…as if there is a small fissure in the bright aura that surrounds me. As I sat here trying to pinpoint that feeling, I think it’s the return of vulnerability. Since I’ve been healing from my surgery and getting stronger I’ve thought I could take on the world (and I have, in so many ways). But now I’m coming down a bit off that “high” and as real life resumes, it’s as if I am starting to feel things more deeply again. By nature I am a contemplative person, and I feel the sorrows of the world almost too potently sometimes. And in this moment, as vulnerability settles in on my shoulder, I’m realizing that for months I’ve been in the mode of doing “what has to be done” and maybe now I’m ready for a some gentleness. To allow myself to cry and to need. And to realize that I don’t always have to be so strong.