Picture: close-up of half of a soap bubble.
If you need a momentary diversion, check out Just Bubbles.
All bubbles, all the time. :)
Author: Jana
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feelin’ bubbly
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my hands are small I know
Heard Jewel’s “Hands” this morning as I was taking the kids to school. It was powerful for me, especially these lyrics:
We’ll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what’s right
‘Cause where there’s a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they’re not yours, they are my own
But they’re not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters -
pilgrimage
Today in Meeting I thought about my life’s journey. So many unexpected twists and serendipitous surprises! I think I’ve always been curious, a seeker, the type of person who relishes life and who savors each moment .
At lunch today with Friends we spoke of our family’s trips to Europe. I shared the deep connection I feel to places like Paris and London. CatGirl added her insights from our various journeys abroad. Such lovely memories!
As we talked I thought about how my travels are a pilgrimage of sorts–yes I’m sightseeing, but I’m also feeling to places on a more metaphysical level, using my imagination to get a greater sense of the people who inhabit these places now or who have lived there in years past. Canterbury cathedral was such a powerful space that my bones nearly vibrated with the thoughts, hopes, and dreams of the many pilgrims who had trod its well-worn steps. Our wizened guide opened our minds to the legends and lore that surround each stone in the structure. Our visit to the petite hospital where the infirm awaited their anticipated healing was heavy with the hopes of thousands of pilgrims, as was our cruise around the river running through the town. Such a holy place. And such a privilege to have experienced it with my loved ones.
Someday I intend to make a pilgrimage journey on foot–to somewhere old, ancient and meaningful. But for now I navigate this path of my everyday life and I attempt to imbue each step with the fervor of my convictions. For I desire to live each moment as if in expectation of the miraculous, or as if a prelude to divinity.
PS: Kudos to John and the many lovely photos that he’s taken of me during our travels together!
PPS: Do note the presence of my favorite black sweater in this photo. :) -
unfolding
Picture: Pink rosebud, about halfway opened. An ant crawling on the edge of one petal.
This is a photo from last week. This morning I went to the garden but I didn’t take the camera with me. Rather than taking photos to share with you, I let myself wholly relax. I smelled, listened, and pondered.
There was hummingbird who splashed in the spray from the hose, bumblebees in the lavender, a bright yellow bird flitting around in some weeds by the back fence. It was just lovely. So were the two strawberries that I picked and enjoyed while they were still sun-warm. So, so tasty.
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Another Mo leaves the fold…
This article ran in the Daily Herald today. It seems to be Richard Dutcher‘s farewell to the LDS church. Dutcher is the dynamic and visionary “father” of Mormon cinema. A part of me is shocked by his leaving the church. Another part of me isn’t at all surprised:
Mormon doctrines are powerful and beautiful and have given great meaning to my life for more than 30 years. I’m sure they will always continue to inform not only my future work as a filmmaker, but also my private spiritual journey. But it does not appear that it will be my honor to make some of these films that the LDS community so desperately needs.
As many of you know, I am no longer a practicing member of the church. The private answers to the questions I have asked in my prayers, and in my films, have led me on an unexpected journey, a spiritual path which may ultimately prove incompatible with Mormon orthodoxy. This understanding has brought me some of the most profound surprises and also the deepest sadness of my life. It is very hard for me to say goodbye to something that I love.
Who knows? Maybe, like Oliver Cowdery (to whom I’ve always felt an uncommon kinship), my travels will someday lead back to Mormonism and to this effort. Such an end would be beautiful and, in a strange way, an answer to my prayers. But I don’t know. One fundamental thing I have learned over the past few years is a genuine humility regarding my spiritual beliefs.
I know that some of you will not understand my decisions. Please know that I will always be not only a great friend to the Mormon community, but also one of its strongest defenders.
My brothers and sisters, I respectfully leave Mormon cinema in your capable — and now seasoned — hands. I hope that someday I will hear a few of your names mentioned in the company of the handful of filmmakers who have dared to explore human spirituality in film: Bergman, Bresson, Tarkovsky, Dreyer, Ozu, etc. One of my greatest hopes, of course (in true competitive spirit), is that one day my name will be at the very top of that list.
May God bless you in your individual and collective efforts. And may Mormon cinema one day achieve its powerful and beautiful potential. May it be “the praise and glory of the whole earth.”
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just peachy…
Picture: a photo of a branch of pink peach blossoms
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what women really want…
Is this, perhaps, what women really want?
Me, I want it all–a clean kitchen, a hunky husband, and the thrill of curling up in clean sheets with said hunk every night. :)
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Because I am hoarding muscle and bone density like the compulsive cat lady and her bits of string
Friends: This quotation from a post by lymphopo keeps coming back to my mind as I consider my various healthy and unhealthy habits. Because I want to maximize the strength of my body and I want to be strong–both inside and out.
I mentioned a few weeks ago that the gym where I used to work as a personal trainer asked to help out with teaching a weight loss class. Never mind the appallingly bad taste in having an emaciated cancer patient get up and instruct anybody about how to lose weight. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is, trying to reeducate these women who’ve been brainwashed into the whole conventional starvation diet combined with excessive cardio mentality. They are slowly killing themselves with their unhealthy eating habits. They turn in their food logs, and when I see things like “Breakfast: 1 slice of toast and a Coke,” I want to scream and tear out my pitiful little peach fuzz (fortunately it’s too short for me to get a good grip and pull). No no a thousand times NO!
I try to tell them to stop thinking in terms of breaking their bodies down and literally destroying themselves, and start thinking in terms of building their bodies up. The way to be healthy and lean is to think good health, think excellent nourishment, think superb strength and beautiful muscle. But they refuse to listen. And I guarantee they will fail. I also guarantee that if they ever find themselves fighting for their lives, they’ll be at a severe disadvantage.
My favorite inspirational quote of the decade comes from my all-time top role model and weight lifting guru over at Little Professor. She says:
“My email inbox is full of women complaining about how strong they are getting, and how much they desperately want to be frail. I started weight training and now I am too big! Too strong! My shriveled sinews are suddenly plump and energized! My metabolism that I f*&ked up from years of ascetic rice cake rationing is suddenly zippy and industrious! I may not die a horrible death from a crumbled hip at 65! The horror!
What the f*&k is wrong with young women that 200 years after the first wave of feminism they are still whittling away at their bodies, starving, plucking, shaving, stumbling around incapacitated? Where are the daughters of the mothers who screamed Keep your laws off our bodies 30 years ago and now buy tickets to the Vagina Monologues? Do they not understand that they desperately need to hoard muscle and bone density and overall wellbeing like an obsessive compulsive cat lady hanging on to National Geographics and bits of string?”
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lavender’s blue, dilly dilly
Picture: a closeup of a single wand of lavender against a blurry background.
Contemplating lavender tonite. For relaxation. :)
I have two huge lavender bushes in my garden. I trimmed them back to a bundle of woody stems last fall and they are now back in full bloom. They smell absolutely delightful when I’m watering or at dusk when the scents rise from the plants in the evening breeze.
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because some flowers are good eating…
Picture: a closeup of a head of broccoli growing in my garden.
This ‘flower’ turned out to be pretty tasty. I ate it for lunch on Saturday :) My goal, once the school pressure lets down a bit, is to eat one meal/day from the garden this summer. And I think I just might pull it off. :)
One of you, on your response to the pilgrimgirl survey, suggested that I should write about school more often. Hmmm….probably not going to happen. At least not anytime soon. Blogging is my escape from school. From the pressure that is building as my Qualifying Exams are looming. A respite from the many hours each day that I am reading, taking notes, writing mock responses to possible exam questions.
My other escapes from studying? The gym and the garden. Lifting weights does a lot to relieve the pressure. Sometimes I actually imagine myself pushing all the stress out through my arms as I’m bench pressing. It’s lovely to get that ‘release.’ The garden, well, that probably doesn’t need explaining. A few minutes with the sun shining on my face, getting dirt under my nails, running my hands through the lavender, well that’s a feeling so tangibly relaxing that it seems almost sinful.
How do you relax when life builds up on your shoulders?
I would really be interested in ideas you have for relaxing before bed. I find myself rehashing all I’ve studied the minute my head hits the pillow. Sleep is far distant and elusive. But at the same time I know sleep is what I most need during this stressful time…I also know that this stress is not an isolated thing, that academia is a path that will continue to be pressure-filled, as there will be deadlines, job talks, conferences, and all manner of difficulties that I need to get used to. I’m hoping that I can continue to build a storehouse of stress-relieving skills that will serve me now and on into the future….
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wow, I really like this one….
My former (teen) fondness for punk is showing, I think, as I am totally enchanted by the Dresden Dolls. Kudos to Kay for posting this vid on her website:
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proclivities
Picture: Close-up of a small purple flower with pink stamens.
Recently we watched the movie “Amazing Grace” (which I highly recommend to each of you). The main character, Wilberforce, realizes that he could easily spend his life enjoying nature–studying spiderwebs and gazing into flowers. He find so much satisfaction in his communion with the natural world. Yet he comes to realize that this isn’t his mission in life. Instead, he becomes a politician and is instrumental in ending the British slave trade.
Some days I feel like I lose myself in a flower. Time flies by while I’m in my garden and I start to only care about growing things. The rest of life seems so mundane in comparison. Yet I also have this feeling that I am supposed to do so much more. That gardening is important, even bedrock, for my life. But it’s not the whole of it. There are books to write, and children to raise, and friends to meet. And the flowers will continue to grow. Whether I am wholly absorbed in them or not.
