Author: Jana

  • this damnable war, part II

    Who says that counterfactuals don’t make good history? Imagine if Iran Were America (and we were Iran).

    And then watch this music video (warning to my more sensitive readers: it includes a few graphic images of war-related injuries and deaths)

  • this damnable war…

    From George McGovern via the Progressive Historians (McGovern is speaking on the Senate floor):

    Every senator in this chamber is partly responsible for sending 50,000 young Americans to an early grave. This chamber reeks of blood. Every Senator here is partly responsible for that human wreckage at Walter Reed and Bethesda Naval and all across our land — young men without legs, or arms, or genitals, or faces or hopes.

    There are not very many of these blasted and broken boys who think this war is a glorious adventure. Do not talk to them about bugging out, or national honor or courage. It does not take any courage at all for a congressman, or a senator, or a president to wrap himself in the flag and say we are staying in Vietnam, because it is not our blood that is being shed. But we are responsible for those young men and their lives and their hopes.

    And if we do not end this damnable war those young men will some day curse us for our pitiful willingness to let the Executive carry the burden that the Constitution places on us.

    So before we vote, let us ponder the admonition of Edmund Burke, the great parliamentarian of an earlier day: “A contentious man would be cautious how he dealt in blood.”

    While I don’t agree that someone who is mutilated (by war or otherwise) is necessarily without hope, I often feel hopeless when I realize how little consideration our nation’s leaders have for the human cost paid by their wargames.

  • tasty


    purple beans, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    Last night I made a yummy steamed-bean salad with a mix of these funky purple-podded beans (from Seeds of Change–love them!) and a handful of green beans. What tasty fun!

    This is my first year with bean success. In years past I’ve tried growing bush beans and the bugs ate them all. Also tried pole beans last year but they were mowed down by a rogue bunny. So this year I sowed both purple and garden-variety-green pole beans. I’ve discovered that the purple-podded beans grow earlier, faster, and are more hardy in my garden microclimate (in other words, I am so growing them again!). The kids made a darling teepee with castoff wood poles for growing the beans on. It is pretty cute and they are so proud of *their* beans.

  • random

    Three random things about me:

    1) I am direction dyslexic. Meaning that I can’t tell left from right. You would think that I could remember that my right leg is amputated and that that would help me somewhat? Nope. My brain just doesn’t process the difference between the two directions. It makes driving challenging. Fortunately John and the kids have learned to find humor in it. (Note: I do tend to have a pretty good sense of direction, as in cardinal directions. I can also read equally well from either direction)

    2) I don’t care much for ice cream (esp in milkshakes) or ham because of awful throw-up experiences with them. An awful vomit experience with pickles resulted in a fairly temporary aversion. [Note: during my chemo era (when I was throwing up dozens of times each day), I learned that OREO cookies taste just the same going down as coming back up. OREOs became my major food group for about a year.]

    3) I like to write my ‘to do’ list on the side of my left hand, just below the base of my thumb. Right now there are faded words there from this morning reminding me that I needed to put a textbook on reserve in the library.

  • feelin’ blue-ish


    blue stripey, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    A blue flower for you (especially Sara, whose blue morning glory flower just blew me away this morning….)

    We were up late last night with friends. I was tempted to say we were up too late, but is there ever a too late when you are having just too much fun to come home? (Yes, my friends, Apples to Apples is addictive!)

    So we had school and work today even though yesterday was a holiday. The kiddoes are a bit testy. And I am a bit less patient with their testiness.

    But it was well worth it. :)

  • more sun


    sunflower, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
    ~Maori Proverb

  • for the 4th…


    The day has only barely dawned and I’ve already read several fabulous Independence Day posts. You bloggers really know how to celebrate this great (and corrupt) nation of ours! My favorite, so far, is found at 37 Days. Patricia, discusses “Interdependence Day“:

    “History books focus on the people who were in power as if all change comes from those in positions of authority. The truth is that ordinary citizens created much of what we love about America…At this celebration, let’s give thanks for the ordinary and extraordinary Americans whose struggles brought about those changes. Let’s give a toast:

    * To the waves of immigrants from all parts of the world who struggled to accept each other and find a place in this country.
    * To the escaped slaves and their allies, particularly Quakers, evangelical Christians, and freedom-loving secularists, who built the Underground Railroad and helped countless people to freedom.
    * To the African Americans and allies who went to prison, lost their livelihoods, and were savagely beaten in the struggle for civil rights.
    * To the women who risked family, job security, and their own constructed identities to shift our collective consciousness about men and women and raise awareness of the effects of patriarchy.
    * To all those who risk scorn and violence and often lost connection to their families to lead the struggle for the acceptance of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and queer people.
    * To those who continue to work for equal access for people with disabilities.
    * To all of the innovators and artists who have brought so much beauty and usefulness into our lives.

    “All that we celebrate today in America involved struggles to overcome entrenched ways of thinking…. Today we celebrate the moments when the United States and the American people have acted not only from self-interest but also from genuine caring… We are proud of our country. We love its physical beauty. Many of us come from immigrant families who found refuge here when there were few other societies on the planet that would welcome our ancestors. Let us once again commit to overcoming the fear of the other and cultivating a spirit of generosity and love toward the stranger.”

    I am not a patriot. I have not been able to salute the flag or recite the Pledge of Allegiance for nearly a decade. Rather, I pledge daily to serve all of humanity and I don’t wrap my fervor in the banner of any particular color or pattern. I celebrate those who have been willing to fight for greater opportunities for everyone, with liberty and justice for all.

  • utmost beauty…


    pinkish, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    A Baha’i prayer, from a comment on John’s blog:

    O God! Educate these children. These children are the plants of Thine orchard, the flowers of Thy meadow, the roses of Thy garden. Let Thy rain fall upon them; let the Sun of Reality shine upon them with Thy love. Let Thy breeze refresh them in order that they may be trained, grow and develop, and appear in the utmost beauty. Thou art the Giver. Thou art the Compassionate.

    – `Abdu’l-Bahá

  • I will love the light…


    shasta, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    I will love the light for it shows me the way.
    Yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.
    ~Og Mandino

    This weekend we watched Ratatouille. Fun. Well-written, well-crafted. Almost forgot for a moment that it WAS A MOVIE ABOUT A RAT. Almost.

    The night before the movie I had a run-in with an ROUSS (Rodent of Unusual Size) on my front porch. Thinking it was just a charming little raccoon that was fiddling with the garbage bag that I’d inadvertently left on the stoop, I peeked out the trough the screen door to the see the little critter. Instead I found a fully-opened (previously knotted shut) grocery bag with a ginormous skin tail and hindquarters hanging out of it. Not a rat, it was just a few times worse: a POSSUM. Ugh.

    What followed, for me, was part panic attack, part meltdown. I wish I could understand why I react the way I do to such creatures. But it was like the whole universe had suddenly gone dark and sucked me into a whole and the only thing that was in that hole with me was my nemesis Mr. ROUSS. And he was in attack mode.

    I mean, I knew that the possum was on one side of that screen door and I was on the other. I knew I had my John and two kitties between me and the ROUSS. I knew that the varmint was way more interested in my trash than in me. But for about 3 minutes all of those rational thoughts were gone and all I could hardly breathe, much less be rational about the fact that on the porch, where I had been standing just a few moments before when I walked home (in the dark) from my neighbor’s home, was a RODENT. And I just wasn’t sure that I would ever be able to exit my house or live a normal life. Because RODENTS exist in this world and I would never escape from them again.

    Deep breath. Sigh.

    So I went to see the ratflick anyways and I was mostly okay. My breath got a little shallow when the colony exploded out of the farmhouse ceiling. But other than that the RAT-ness of the film was abstracted and cute enough for me that I was a-ok.

    Hmmmmm…..but Ellycat has been spending a lot of time with me out of doors ever since.

    PS: Still haven’t forgiven Pixar for naming the rat “Remy”…..

  • lovin’ these


    lantana orange, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    My lantana plants are such a source of joy. I have three now: purple, yellow-orange and red. I just love the ways their colors spread and change as they open their series of petals. Truly a burst of sun each time I gaze on them. :)

    The windows of my soul I throw
    Wide open to the sun.
    ~John Greenleaf Whittier

  • Who’s Gonna Teach Us to Tango?: A Discussion of Claudia Bushman’s MormonStories Interview


    Mormon Stories # 058: Women and the LDS Church Part 4 — 19th and Early 20th Century Mormon Women

    Mormon Stories # 059: Women and the LDS Church Part 5 — 19th and Early 20th Century Mormon Women Part 2

    Claudia Bushman shares more of her insights in this two-part series detailing the lives and experiences of Mormon women in the 19th and early 20th century. Dr. Bushman speaks of ten women who have taken the time to record their life experiences, and as she paraphrases and quotes from each woman’s story, Claudia adds contextual details to show why these stories are all significant. Here’s a list of the featured women:

    Part I

    1) Lucy Mack Smith, whose story gives great insight into the early life of the church and of the prophet Joseph Smith. Lucy, Joseph’s mother, mixes significant historical happenings with the mundane and comical experiences of daily life. Claudia notes that those who want to read Lucy’s words should seek out a copy of Lavina Fielding Anderson’s most recent edition, Lucy’s Book, as previous editions were often heavily edited to purge out some elements of the story (she adds that the editing was sometimes done in such a way that it vilified Emma, Joseph’s first wife, and Lucy because they chose not to travel West with the Saints).
    2) Emma Smith’s blessing just after Joseph went to Carthage Jail, which can be found reprinted in Mormon Enigma. Claudia explains that when Joseph was leaving for Carthage, Emma asked for a blessing at his hand. He suggested that she write out her own blessing and he would sign it when he returned home. Joseph was killed by a mob while in the Jail, so the blessing was never signed. But it does offer great insight into the feelings of Emma towards her husband.
    3) Charlotte Hafen, a Gentile wrote in 1843 about attending a party at Sidney Rigdon’s house in Nauvoo. We discover that this 9-hour long party included the tying of 5 quilts, an extensive meal, singing songs, and an original dance that started with marching and ended with kissing(!).
    4) Mary Isabella Horne writing about the challenges of living in the Salt Lake Valley during the early years—living in a sod house and having to carry an umbrella indoors because of the mud coming down from the ceiling.
    5) Ellis Reynolds Shipp: plural wife, mother of several children, and medical doctor. She went to medical school in the East despite a lack of enthusiasm about this career path from her husband. Ellis became pregnant while home for the summer after her first year in med school and returned to school anyways, giving birth just after her exams. Claudia speaks about the many Mormon career women in the Utah period, adding that there were more women doctors in the Utah region than anywhere else in the US.

    Part II

    6) Elizabeth Caine (wife of a friend of the Mormons, Thomas Caine), writes as she travels by wagon from Salt Lake to St George and describes the homes that she visits along the way. She found polygamy repulsive, especially when she saw on older man “going down the generations to his grandchildren’s time to seek a new partner…while she who shared the joys and sorrows of his youth looks on, old and grey.”
    7) Claudia’s grandmother, Elizabeth Shupe Gordon (1866-1896) gives an inspiring account of her conversion to the church, speaking of burning “electric thrills” that she felt each time she read from the Book of Mormon.
    8) Alice Louise Reynolds: Prof of English & Religion at BYU. She was such a friend to everyone that a group of women decided to organize an Alice Louise Reynolds Club, and there were 15 chapters of this club in the 50s. Never married, she spent her sabbaticals teaching at other universities and traveling. Amy Brown Lyman became her biographer, bio was published by ALR Clubs.
    9) The Newberry-award winning author Virginia Sorensen.[Note: she mentions Sorensen elsewhere in the podcast and doesn’t discuss her much at this point]. Those who want to learn more about Mormon life in the early 20th century would enjoy reading Where Nothing is Long Ago, a collection of short stories by Sorensen.
    10) Historian Juanita Brooks was this very powerful intellectual who lived a fairly traditional life. Claudia retells a humorous incident from Juanita’s childhood and then discusses her work as a historian: she would always kept the ironing board up and had a basket of dampened clothes near her desk and when someone came by she’d start ironing so they’d never know that she was really writing [note: this reminds me of the stories I’ve read of Jane Austen hiding her writing under her needlework]. Brooks would travel on overnight buses to do research in Salt Lake or at the Huntington Library.

    The discussion ends with interviewer John Dehlin asking Claudia some general questions about women and religion. Some interesting points in this section occur when Claudia decries those that leave the church. She says,

    “Leaving the church is not any kind of an answer to a better life. That’s just like leaving something good for outer darkness. It’s just better to stick with the church and try and make something out of it.”

    Yet she also discusses how much the church has changed since she was younger, explaining that her grandchildren have told her that they’ve “never had a happy experience at church.” Claudia says that her childhood and teen years in the church were joyful and happy and that the “block” scheduling has destroyed much of the fun. “Who’s gonna teach us to tango now?” she asks as she reminisces about the tango dancing lesson she had annually in her ward.

    Claudia encourages women to make their own way in the church, organizing projects and special interest groups. She says that those who are miserable in the church should write about their disaffection, leaving their thoughts for future generations. As she says at the beginning of Part I:

    “It’s the people who write, who last. If any woman out there has any inclination to to remembered in the future, the next few generations, she’d just better get busy and write out her story, her experiences.”

    Some questions for those of you who listen to the podcast:

    1) Which the women she profiled were new to you? Which of their writings/stories did you find most compelling?

    2) How do you express your feelings about the church? Do you write them down? Do you expect or hope that someday someone (a Mormon historian, perhaps) will be using your words to tell about the condition of women in the church in the 21st century? Do you see blogs as an accurate recording of the lives of contemporary LDS women?

    3) If you could organize a special project or interest group in your ward, what would it be? Would you want to learn to tango? :)

    Note: the photo above is of Alice Louise Reynolds.

  • cherry


    pink & green, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    These bright flowers are ‘cherry’ nasturtiums. They are a neon pinky-red color, though the lighting in this photo shows them as a paler pinkish hue. They bring me joy every time i walk in my front door, where they bubble out of their huge pot and send trailers up the wall and across the sidewalk…