Jana Remy
  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching

Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
heartbroken
deep thoughtsgarden

heartbroken

written by Jana April 4, 2011

a rose is a rose is a rose

A few days ago I took a walk in the dark, late at night to clear my head of a few things. Within a few blocks I found myself at the site of my former garden. It was the first time I’d been to the site since saying good-bye a few months ago. I peered through a gap in the protective fence around the construction site. The earth there had been scraped clear by bulldozers. There was not one bit of evidence of what had been there before. I cried.

It’s hard to acknowledge how deeply it broke my heart to lose my garden. I’m feeling it especially acutely this spring as I ache to have my hands in warm soil and to sow seeds.

I have so much else to keep me busy right now that there is little time to dwell on what I’ve lost. But there are those moments when it still hurts deeply. And I am grateful that I’m still surrounded by plants (in pots) to remind me of the magic of spring, even if I won’t be celebrating the blossoms of my peach tree this year.  Recently a friend brought me a plant that has flowers that close each evening and open again in the morning.  I love the symbolism of that–to know that there are those dark nights when things are closed and tight.  Yet soon enough there is the morning again: a time to be open and feel the sun.

Share this:

  • Share
  • Email
  • Pinterest
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Print
7 comments
0
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
Jana

previous post
we need more worlds…
next post
mornings

More Posts Like This One

je suis contente

meme-me

ping

retreat

xoxo Monday

you live like this…

because he’s a rockstar to me…

call me picky…

Walt Whitman is my trump card…

Corona Diary: Growth

7 comments

minxlj April 4, 2011 - 12:51 pm

Why did they destroy the garden? Did someone buy the land for housing or similar? What a shame, and such a waste :( hope you get another one soon, I know how therapeutic it was for you xx

Reply
Kristen from MA April 4, 2011 - 2:18 pm

It really is a shame. I loved looking at your garden photos.

Reply
janaremy April 4, 2011 - 2:29 pm

Leanne:
They bulldozed it to make way for new university housing and parking. :(

Reply
Jean Bellinger April 4, 2011 - 6:15 pm

Know how you feel. I was on the campus when it was young and new (1970-1973); I remember the “trailer park,” the little village across the streets, Bob’s Big Boy. My sister started there in 1976. I remember the Farm School.

I did my MBA at UCLA (1973-1975), and now UCLA planning to privatize its graduate management school.

Such changes…not for the better.

Reply
David Cannell April 5, 2011 - 6:18 am

Dear Jana,

I can’t believe they’ve torn down Verano garden! Too many memories to count. Heartbreaking…though not as saddening as the news that you and John have divorced; my heart goes out to you. If the beautiful writing and photography found here on your blog are any indication, you’ll come out of this on top. Anyway, I thought I’d include a few excerpts from my journal below in memorium for the recently interred Verano garden.

May 2004

Down at the community garden again. Jana Remy has started gardening her plot again so she sent an e-mail around to invite people to pitch in and help. H and the boys came down right after dinner around 6:30, while I stayed back to wash dishes. John, the kids, and Caroline McBride were down too.
It’s an unusual place, this community garden. I don’t know how many plots are here but the garden must be at least a good 400-600 sq. meters. Plenty of room for a variety of trees, plants and shrubs. Nothing is uniform as each plat has its own unique character and diverse arrangement of plants. What I like best about the garden are the myriad shapes, sizes, organic forms, fragrance, smells, and textures, sounds like birdsong, the slightly damp moist air as I walk down the crowded paths. It’s a rich environment that appeals to all the senses, and provokes memory and imagination.

6.13.04
Irvine, Ca

Not a lot of sunshine in our souls today. So the boys and I have taken a walk to the garden. The melon and squash plants have overrun large swaths of some of our favorite garden plots to visit. There are plenty of blossoms now where big fruit will appear in the coming months. The canopy of broad melon leaves are a delight to see for these eyes.
The boys are getting restless already…I guess it’s going to be a short visit here.

Undated 2004

At the garden again. The three boys and I watching hummingbirds, stroking the baby fuzz of hanging late summer squash, and enjoying the cool evening breeze. Isaac is standing up in the stroller ready to tip over any second. Ian grabs my arm and tells me about a cloud shaped like an airplane he saw on the way to Pro Photo with H this afternoon. So many smells in the garden, mingled scents and fragrances, confused and pungent (kind of like this sentence)…

Reply
janaremy April 5, 2011 - 8:48 am

David:
I can’t even begin to tell you how meaningful your comments are to me here. One of my biggest sorrows is that the hard drive where I had all of the early photos of my garden was corrupted and I lost them all (along with all of the photos of my children from this era, too). If you and H happen to have any pics of the garden, it would mean so much to me if you could send them over (& H does take such beautiful photos!).

I am hoping that sometime soon I will get to see your family again. I’d hoped to travel to Japan this spring, but it might be another year before I can get there now…

Reply
David Cannell April 25, 2011 - 6:21 pm

Hi Jana,

Sorry, I’ve been away up north. Just returned last week from Ishinomaki, one of the disaster areas just north of Sendai that was hit hard by last month’s tsunami. Along with some friends I volunteered to help coordinate delivery relief supplies and supply manual labor in the clean-up process. Media images just don’t do the tsunami destruction full justice. Anyway, here’s a link to a blog entry describing our efforts.

http://cheeth.blogspot.com/2011/04/tohoku-relief-trip.html

Verano garden photos. Hideko says they’re storage unfortunately. Next time I’m there I’ll see if I can retrieve them. Wonderful Verano garden memories.

Reply

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

Subscribe via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog.

Popular

  • 1

    A Room of My Own

    December 4, 2017
  • 2

    the post-post divorce Christmas celebration

    November 28, 2017
  • 3

    Reader, I married him

    March 22, 2017
  • 4

    open

    December 21, 2017
  • Ellycat

    January 2, 2019

Categories

Archives

Popular Posts

  • 1

    A Room of My Own

    December 4, 2017
  • 2

    the post-post divorce Christmas celebration

    November 28, 2017
  • 3

    Reader, I married him

    March 22, 2017

Calendar

April 2011
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  
« Mar   May »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Flickr

@2017 - PenciDesign. All Right Reserved. Designed and Developed by PenciDesign


Back To Top