Jana Remy
  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching

Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
Daily Archives

June 24, 2011

dependence
deep thoughtsfamily

dependence

the living room
I was chatting with CatGirl the other day when the subject of dependence came up.  I took the opportunity to explain to her what the consequences were of the choices I made to marry young and start a family at age 21.  That it meant that over a decade ago, when it became obvious that my spouse was not as trustworthy as he had seemed, that I was stuck.  At that time I spent all day caring for my two young children.  He took our only car to work everyday and our neighborhood wasn’t well-served by local bus routes.  Which meant not only was I confined within the walls of our home nearly every hour of the day, but I was also ‘stuck’ in a larger sense.  I’d never held a full-time job and my bachelor’s degree wasn’t in a marketable field.  Even in college when I’d applied for crappy part-time jobs I’d usually been turned down because of my disability (this was back in the day when they could tell you to your face that “We think you just aren’t physically capable of this job”–which meant that somehow my artificial leg would prevent me from answering phones for an office?).  And as a cancer survivor, I was also insurance-dependent, knowing that the only means I had for acquiring my expensive prosthetic limbs was via my spouse’s policy.  The fear of losing my mobility loomed large.

What I didn’t explain to her then, but will someday, is what followed.  After celebrating my 30th birthday I started wearing black all of the time because I felt frumpy and old.  Soon, I stopped eating, and then I spent most of the day staring listlessly into space while sitting on the back porch, or curled in a ball leaning against the washing machine and feeling its comforting hum.  I thought too often about matches and knives and wanting my life to be over.  My chronic bronchitis developed into chronic laryngitis.  I whispered and wheezed.  And over time I grew smaller and smaller and smaller…

So I told my daughter that I would always support and respect her choices for the future, but I hoped that she would never-ever-ever put herself in a position where she was as dependent as I was.  Because everyone deserves mobility and opportunity for employment–even spouses who choose to stay at home and care for their children.

She was listening carefully as I spoke, and she agreed.

June 24, 2011
0 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
things I like

Twitter Weekly Digest for @janaremy, 2011-06-24

  • MT @westcenter: Urban field notes. Traces of a ghost train in San Francisco. http://bit.ly/lNzq9i via @burritojustice // love this! #
  • RT @public_affairs: Not book related, but I can't resist. RT @mikememoli Michelle Obama and Desmond Tutu doing pushups http://t.co/l59p8VM #
  • Let the countdown begin! 10 days until my #bringit2011 European adventure #incroyable #shesgotapassportandsheknowshowtouseit #
  • MT @miriamkp: RT @deweysnotdead: Just learned that #Portland has a street #librarian http://t.co/WdDM5ZE #
  • RT @Melindrift: "Let us now praise women with feet glass slippers wouldn't fit…" #poemsontheunderground http://twitpic.com/5fdcec #
  • Happy Solstice everyone! How are you celebrating? #
  • MT @boone: Dropping out of grad school: http://blo.so/5e #
  • On trains and the Manhattan Project. Such a compelling historical blogpost by @dougdechow & @annaleahy: http://bit.ly/kbt9ja #
  • And if I didn't already love my bed so much, I might be tempted by this one: http://bit.ly/iOa5jw #bibliophile #
  • I am adding a visit to Laduree to my Paris 'must-do' list!: http://bit.ly/kCGbE7 #bringit2011 #
  • Such amazing panorama views on the open road of the Great West http://brizzly.com/pic/4K8Z #roadtrip #southernutah #
  • Sardine Canyon & Cache Valley are so green this year! http://brizzly.com/pic/4K6J #
  • Meetup tonite at Wild Grape Cafe, 8pm, Salt Lake City. DM me if you're dropping by… :) #
  • Happyhappyhappy at Sage Cafe in Salt Lake City #suchanawesomeday http://brizzly.com/pic/4K4V #
  • This is the place http://brizzly.com/pic/4K4J #roadtrip #LDS #
  • But although #SLC feels so familiar, the 1st thing said when we walked in: 'You two look like you don't belong here…(among the tourists)' #
  • Someone just earned herself a speeding ticket in Utah #roadtrip http://brizzly.com/pic/4K3R #
  • The Great Desert, by morning light http://brizzly.com/pic/4K2P #roadtrip #
  • Virgin River Gorge by the light of an almost full moon. Unforgettable. #roadtrip #bringit2011 #
  • Just crossed the Nevada border! #roadtrip #bringit2011 #
June 24, 2011
0 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest

About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

Subscribe via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog.

Popular

  • 1

    A Room of My Own

    December 4, 2017
  • 2

    the post-post divorce Christmas celebration

    November 28, 2017
  • 3

    open

    December 21, 2017
  • 4

    Reader, I married him

    March 22, 2017
  • Ellycat

    January 2, 2019

Categories

Archives

Popular Posts

  • 1

    A Room of My Own

    December 4, 2017
  • 2

    the post-post divorce Christmas celebration

    November 28, 2017
  • 3

    open

    December 21, 2017

Calendar

June 2011
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« May   Jul »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Flickr

@2017 - PenciDesign. All Right Reserved. Designed and Developed by PenciDesign


Back To Top