Photo: Two small pale pink roses, wet with drops of water.
How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one finds darkness not only in one’s culture but within oneself? There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.
~Barry Lopez, Arctic Dreams
Last night I had the strangest dream (queue 80s music now)…
I was in the garden and it was early dusk. We were all enjoying the warmth and joy of the evening as we do on a regular basis. But then it got very dark very fast and we looked up and realized that night was coming on like a huge storm (can night do that?). The moon was full and dark, with clouds covering it. It wasn’t the large moon that I am used to enjoying on evenings in the garden. I felt afraid.
I woke up early, perhaps prematurely, and had a big glass of water and decided to go back to sleep. I returned to my garden in my dreams. I was sitting around the table with my family enjoying the evening again. Only this time a huge group of people from our former church life–the ‘leaders’ rather than our friends–came by and were peering over our fence. I felt threatened and defensive.
I woke again and snuggled into John’s shoulder and felt safe. Then I got up (for the final time) and enjoyed a cup of Wedding Imperial tea and a generous slice of apricot cake.
All is right in the world again.
3 comments
If you consider it your former church, why do you bother to continue to post on sites tied to that church?
Gosh, Jana. I’m sorry you had such threatening-feeling dreams. On the other hand, I’m glad I’m not the only one who has dreams in which people from the church act in inappropriate ways.
Just a week or two ago I had a dream in which a whole contingent of people (ten or fifteen of them) from the church, people I didn’t even know personally, came into our apartment and would not leave, no matter how much I pleaded with them or even threatened to call the police. They just kept saying they had a “right” to be there. Needless to say, I awoke with a very uneasy feeling.
anonymous:
I do it just to annoy you. Really. And because I have nothing better to do with my time.