Many people have asked me whether I’ll return to the Mormon church now that John isn’t in my life (this probably stems from the assumption made by many people that I only left the church to please John–which is wrong on so many counts, including the one where he recently blamed me for pushing our family out of the church too quickly when I was finally done with it)…
So this morning (a typical morning) I thought it would be an interesting exercise to count all of the ways I violated Mormon commandments before I even got into the office. Because I don’t live a Mormon lifestyle or even make any pretense of doing so:
1) I awoke wearing a tank top and short-shorts, and proceeded to bare my shoulders and thighs all morning long to anyone who happened to be looking through my windows.
2) At various times I entertained four five fifteen several lewd thoughts.
3) As per my morning ritual, I brewed myself some coffee and drank two cups full, while basking in the sunshine on my living room rug (in immodest clothing, see #1) and doing yoga.
4) When I got dressed for work I put on a bra (next to my skin), underpants, and a sleeveless shirt (see #1), in addition to pants, socks and shoes.
5) I got a favorite bottle of wine out of the cupboard and licked it. (since I don’t drink in the mornings. Sheesh–just how depraved to think I am?).
6) Upon receiving a humorous text message from a friend, I burst out into laughter.
7) After my shower, I rubbed some lotion on to my new tattoo.
8) Although I abstained from drinking any morning tea, I did throw a new box of black tea into my purse to take to work for drinking later in the day.
9) While driving through some heinous traffic, I sang along to a song on the radio that had the dirty words omitted, but I sang them out loud anyways.