- Is having one of those "wishing I was in Paris" kinds of days. #
- Just made my travel plans for #thatcamp prime! Now I should do the same for #DH2011 :) #
- MT @westcenter @TheHuntington Designers of L.A. Noire game used vintage maps from Huntington to create virtual city http://lat.ms/hNqRxe #
- MT @ddchamberlain @laurenfklein: Mentally bookmarking this. RT @mattwilkens: Rstudio makes R more approachable. http://bit.ly/gZzk3c #
- Can't drive Malibu Cyn w/o thinking of Mike Davis… #
- It was about time for a little bit of ocean http://plixi.com/p/95684044 #
- Note to self: Easter pastries do not taste very fresh at 2pm. Not even worth the deeply discounted price at the local bakery… #
- Just remembered that I took journalism classes at CalPolySLO way back in the summer of 1987(!). #roadtripflashback #
- San Luis Obispo feels much more touristy, far less charming than 20 years ago (when I honeymooned here). Has it changed or have I? #
- Much harder to tweet while driving that when I was on I-5, however! Now, at a rest stop: http://plixi.com/p/95607087 #
- Driving down the 101 on a drizzly day–the clouds are spectacular against the green hills http://plixi.com/p/95606507 #
- Most important takeaway from #wherecamp I need to upgrade my old-school iPhone #
- Fascinating twitter visualizations by hashtag & location #wherecamp http://bit.ly/f1LdmV #
- Recommended reading at #wherecamp for thinking abt Augmented reality: http://bit.ly/hHk3qv #
- RT @froginthevalley: Visualization of the #earthquake in Japan as it happened on Twitter by @rioakasaka http://l.afrog.in/ejnQsI #wherecamp #
- MT @vanriper: Twitter Dots(geolocated tweets) is next up at #wherecamp lightning talks http://bit.ly/dJgSHR #
- Ooo, hypothesizing a grocery shopping/recipe geo-game #wherecamp #
- Games workshop #wherecamp http://color.com/s/HKzcavY #color #
- Tweeting with Color http://color.com/s/1KEXKTa #color #
- And love that someone from flickr weighs in to challenge this ( because good photography matters, not just cellphone pics) #wherecamp #
- Is Color the new flickr? #wherecamp #
- Considering how facial recognition affects the "privacy" of the public street (scary? Or not?). #wherecamp #
- Can Color (or similar apps) offer you enough incentives that you don't care that you're giving up so much privacy? #wherecamp #
- Playing with Color (a new social networking app for recording public space interactions), on iPad bc my iPhone OS is too old #wherecamp #
- Will be tweeting #wherecamp from my iPad today. What's the best Twitter app for the iPad? #
- Irvine to Palo Alto on one tank of gas. I heart my #Prius #
- Gilroy smells like garlic (yum) #
- The Beatles seem the perfect accompaniment to this: http://plixi.com/p/94901499 #
- Waving to Stockdale Hwy, where I lived for 4 years.. #Bakersfield #
- Oh, the orange blossoms #sanjoaquinvalley #
- A change in plans has me driving up I-5, from SoCal to NorCal. A perfect day for roadtripping! Just crossed the Tejon Pass. :) #
A few classic lines from A.E. Housman:
Loveliest of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide.
Of course, I love the white-pink blossoms. But what gets me most about this picture is that blue blue sky. I want to dip in my paddle and ride right into it!
Nearly every picture I take, I evaluate it and find things that I could have done differently. I’m learning. I’m making mistakes. But I’m enjoying the process and trying and trying and trying again. When I’m behind the lens my whole body relaxes and it’s just me and whatever is in my viewfinder.
And, on a mostly-unrelated note, I was feeling sad about some divorce-related things yesterday. A friend mentioned to me that it was okay to cry. I don’t think he knew that I usually don’t think it’s okay to cry. And so when another friend comforted me last night I let myself acknowledge what I was feeling inside and the tears flowed. I think I’ve only done that once since my marriage ended. It felt awkward and embarrassing to be so emotional. But I did it anyways. And it was okay. I was okay.
(It’s been awhile since I’ve posted one of these, you can see earlier entries in this series here):
On the night before I Easter I ate a grilled lamb. Not the entire thing, exactly, but a meal that had pieces taken from all of the very best lamb-parts, including the skin. It was tasty and made my inner carnivore quite satisfied.
The irony of eating a lamb on Easter weekend didn’t hit me until the following day (when I was ooh-ing over the baby lambs frolicking in the pastures as I drove along). My mind just doesn’t ruminate on Jesus anymore. And my ethical vegetarianism seems rather far behind me right now…
On Thursday I was having a day. A day that was full of all kinds of emotions and appointments and things. And so I planned to escape for about an hour late in the afternoon to the rose gardens at the Huntington Library. But my camera battery needed charging and I was trying to coordinate with someone else and my jaunt kept getting delayed. So by the time I headed out to the roses it was almost closing time. I’d counted on sweet-talking my favorite security guards so I could have just 10 minutes in the rose garden, but there were guards on duty who didn’t recognize me and who were not one bit swayed by my smile and plea.
So I left, without even one picture of a flower, much less a rose. Which put me in a bit of a funk.
Until, of course, I remembered that I was in Pasadena. And it took only a few minutes before there was another rose garden in my viewfinder.
It seems that sometimes life sends a convergence of happenings all at once. Of course it can be thrilling when this happens, but it can also be tiring or stressful, or even the best-laid plans can go awry in the midst of the whirlwind.
This past week held a bit of that craziness for me. It was Spring Break for the kiddos and I had conference travel planned. Then I added into the mix a much-needed four-day vacation to Portland…and then there was some major emotional stuff happening that I won’t go into now, but that definitely made this week out-of-the-norm (in a good way).
So I was scheduled to fly to a conference in Palo Alto this weekend, and instead I decided to drive. I realized that I needed the wide open spaces–both the landscape and the time to think as I sat behind the wheel. And I needed very much just to be alone for awhile.
I’m still digesting it all, making sense of change. Making sense of this huge love I have for my life and for the state where I live (really, I feel like I could give the entire state of California a bit wet slobbery kiss after driving through the central valley, and following the meandering road over the Pacheco Pass). Over the past ten years or so I’ve built up some strong walls around my emotions–as a protective mechanism to prevent being hurt (by the Mormons, by my ex-spouse, by academia, etc). I’m breaking down a few of those barriers right now, ever-so-tentatively. It’s hard work, being vulnerable again. But I think I’m ready.
At this moment I’m my bathrobe sitting on the balcony of a quiet hotel, looking out over a waterfall and dense trees. It’s the first time that I’ve ever spent an Easter weekend alone (in recent years, I’ve been here). But it feels right for where I am in my life right now. And I do have the loveliest view…
- RT @MHpodcast: Adam Hochschild on the tensions between academic & popular writing: http://bit.ly/geEps7 #
- Must-read for writers: Oliver Broudy on modern saints, non-fiction writing & Kindle Singles: http://bit.ly/gyTgdF (h/t @jimbenning) #
- RT @westcenter: Tomorrows big DH-Day @Stanford. WhereCampSF 2011 on campus (@wherecamp) and @mljockers at toolingup.stanford.edu at noon. #
- RT @westcenter: Mappy Hour tonight! #wherecamp come enjoy a pint over map chit chat, meet other geo folks http://bit.ly/g2Pbjq #
- I'll be in Palo Alto this weekend for a conference. Drop me a line if you'd like to meetup while I'm the area. :) #
- Reviewing the paperwork that @johnremy will file at court tomorrow to end our marriage. Feeling oddly ambivalent about it all #remydivorce #
- Feels good to have the SoCal sun on my face again after such a magical (& often drizzly-rainy-chilly) Portland weekend! #bringit2011 #
- Relaxing in the Heathman Library, in downtown Portland http://plixi.com/p/93801424 #
- The perfect afternoon snack for a Portland afternoon #moonstruck http://plixi.com/p/93740090 #
- On the train, in Portland #happyhappyhappy :) #
- At Powells, where the cheese books span several shelves. :) http://plixi.com/p/93138798 #
- Soaking up plenty of lunchtime rays before a weekend of rain in Portland :) #
- RT @alogemann: From @mcsweeneys, "In Xanadu Did Kubla Khan a Stately Powerpoint Decree" http://bit.ly/hF9R7U (via @ryancordell) #
When I was at Powell’s bookstore this past weekend, I spent a lot of time in the cookbooks. I didn’t buy any, but found much inspiration there! Now that I’m eating meat, I have a lot of thinking to do about incorporating new recipes and menus into my weekly routines. So I’d really appreciate your suggestions about your favorite cookbooks. For example, I’m now thinking of buying at least one of Thomas Keller’s cookbooks–perhaps The French Laundry Cookbook or Bouchon. I’ll also be getting my own copy of Chocolate and Zucchini: Daily Adventures in a Parisian Kitchen, since I’ve been craving several of Clothilde’s recipes recently (ooo, and I might just have to pick up this one, too, to complete the Parisian menu: Laduree).
Can you offer any other cookbook (or recipe) suggestions for me?
Note: I’m also going to get some container gardening and a small potted herb garden growing soon. Because there’s nothing better than garden-fresh. :)
Spent the weekend in Portland, and realized that I really needed to make a list of all I’d done, just so I wouldn’t forget anything, such as…
cherry blossoms & tulips
books (a la Powell’s and Heathman’s)
chasing a bright moon
riding the Max train
getting dressed up
getting dressed down
telling stories from the past
making plans for the future
taking in the local history
nibbling on chocolates in the afternoon
nibbling on cheese & olives in the evening
bubbling fountains & bubbling bathtubs
(and then talking and listening and walking and giggling some more)
Sunday brunch (crab benedict, oh my)
and one more lesson in letting the rest of the world go by…
- Left my checkbook w/the UCI cashier & my debit card w/the ChapmanU cashier in the past 48 hrs. But haven't locked myself out (yet). #
- The ocean is my Third Place: http://bit.ly/dmcjpj #
- I get so happy when making flight reservations (& now can hardly wait for this weekend's travel-adventure)! #bringit2011 #
- RT @digiwonk: For @bonstewart: Blog U.: The Branded Professor – University of Venus – Inside Higher Ed http://ow.ly/4xTEh #
- RT @tombarrett: Find the Future at NYPL: The Game http://bit.ly/edAR59 // I'm so tempted to join in! How cool! #librariesrock #
- MT @bibliogrrl Today in 1976, Apple released their 1st computer-the Apple I. A circuit board with 4KB RAM. It didn't support Flash either. #
- Contemplating an addition to our family from the OC shelter . Any advice on choosing an older (mellow) cat to be a new sister for Elly? #
- So proud of #ChapmanU History students for their well-deserved recognition at the Phi Alpha Theta conference today! #
- Terry Tempest Williams writing on Planned Parenthood. Powerful. http://bit.ly/fxDbln #
- This is why I often enjoy traveling alone (h/t Paula): http://huff.to/hMFdUs #
- Just assured GameBoy that I didn't post any embarrassing pics of him on my blog in honor of his birthday. His eyeroll was totally adorable #
“What I fear and desire most in this world is passion. I fear it because it promises to be spontaneous, out of my control, unnamed, beyond my reasonable self. I desire it because passion has color, like the landscape before me. It is not pale. It is not neutral. It reveals the backside of the heart.”
~Terry Tempest Williams
I suppose we are all a mass of contradictions. What we want we also the most afraid of. What we cherish is what we find most elusive.
A major contradiction in my life is the tension between my online and my ‘real life’ self. I’m actually a fairly pragmatic and reasonable person. Aside from my morning meditation and the time I occasionally spend on my porch with a cup of tea, I’m not particularly contemplative. I usually only wear pink with irony, and I’m rarely sentimental in my daily conversation (although, I will admit to wearing flowers behind my ear to the office quite often).
There’s an interior part of me that’s romantic and rose-loving and full of poetry. She leaks out here on this electronic page quite often. But she is just one part of who I am, and isn’t much present when I interact with other people. Perhaps she is who I once was–that little girl who gobbled up the novels of L.M. Montgomery and dreamed of someday marrying her own Professer Bhaer (and who was quite sure that she would someday be a famous research scientist like Meg Murry’s mother).
But one of the most important lessons that I’ve learned from growing up, is that fairytales can be dangerous things. Focusing only on the flowers in the midst of a desert can be a lovely exercise, but it’s not the best guiding principle for an adult life. That this blog often veers into sentimentality is a counterpoint to the sometimes-difficult realities of my lived experience. I know full well that life isn’t a path strewn with roses, and that what washes up on the beach is more often stinky seaweed than seaglass. But sometimes it’s nice to have a vision of that possibility as one is meandering through the thorny details of the day.