Jana Remy
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Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
deep thoughtsfriends

the life you had planned…

written by Jana May 8, 2006

A friend asked this question:
“Are you living the life you had planned for yourself?”

My reply:
My first impulse is to say “No, I’m not”, simply because my life, for so many years, was lived in the moment. My brush with death (in the form of a cancer diagnosis) left me feeling that life was much too tenuous to plan for. I can distinctly remember getting to college and feeling overwhelmed with the victory of having lived so long–much longer than I had really anticipated. I sat on the plaza near the library looking over Aldich Park nearly overwhelmed with the joy of actually ‘being there.’ At the same time I realized that I was in process of making some important decisions–college major, future career path, etc–and I really didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t really planned on making it that far.

BUT…

As I reflect on the question more, I think that I _am_ living the life I planned for myself. Since I was a little girl I dreamed about being a mother and having lovely, intelligent chidren. I’ve always wanted to get a Ph.D. like my Dad–those three letters held such promise and prestige. I expected that my life would be filled with passion; I wanted to love someone desperately and have that love reciprocated in generous amounts. I wanted to eat good food, play hard, and wear myself out every day. I wanted to write books, to teach, to help others feel better about themselves.

All of these things I have either accomplished or they are within a few years’ reach.

I am a lucky girl. I say this with a feeling of restlessness, though. A huge part of me still expects that I will die soon. A huge part of me wants MORE. But then I take a deep breath and realize that life just can’t get much better than this. No matter what the future holds.
:)

What about you, dear reader. Are you “living the life you had planned for yourself?”

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Jana

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3 comments

Deborah May 9, 2006 - 1:36 am

I think the ExII post I just put up is some version of an answer to this question . . . at least, this post gave me the seed for that one.

Reply
Anonymous May 14, 2006 - 3:22 am

So what do you do when you’re NOT living the life you planned, and you find yourself in a position that you may never get to? Do you give up your dreams or give up your life?

Reply
jana May 14, 2006 - 2:42 pm

anonymous:
what a good question. I don’t think i can give you the right answer for your life w/o knowing more…
but what i can say is that life is a journey. we start out on a path that will head us in the direction of our goals. but we have side trips and diversions and detours and accidents along the way. most of us will probably never make it to that end goal. but there are many ways of enjoying the journey, even when it’s not where we were originally headed to.
you may not find that metaphor helpful…but it’s worked for me as i’ve been frustrated with my life’s path.
do you have some way of taking a few days ‘off’ for contemplation? If so, i highly recommend that you do so. go to a place where you can think (a park, some mountains, etc). seek self-knowledge and for understanding of how to fulfill your dreams.
good luck!

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About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

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