Catgirl continues to amaze me. This is what she was doing yesterday while I was dreaming of roses.
She bought two of the plants and the others she dug up from various places around our neighborhood. Her creativity and vision are so inspiring.
Category: family
-
memory lane
Our first home in Salt Lake City (on Williams Ave near Liberty Park). I mowed the lawn each week with GameBoy riding on my back. Then we would lay in the grass under the trees and find pictures in the clouds. We made friends with the ubiquitous box elder beetles and watched lightning storms from the front porch while our neighbor serenaded us on his guitar.
-
Done!
[Note: this picture has nothing at all to do with this post–I just wanted to share it with you because it shows both CatGirl’s loveliness and John’s skill with his camera. It just sort of takes my breath away to see such beauty….]
Allright, so today I did something truly scary….I went to the doctor. I had a follow-up for my leg (healing well, thank you) and I simultaneously scheduled my “well-woman” checkup. It’s probably been at least 5 years since I’ve been in those stirrups. So my big New Year’s resolution for 2008 was to get that done. Well, it’s not even the end of May yet and I accomplished it. Whew.
I don’t know why it’s such a hurdle for me. I really had nothing that I was particularly worried about. It’s just that whole doctor thing….(bleh)
Tomorrow is the 24th anniversary of the day I was diagnosed with bone cancer, which usually ends up being a kind of a downer day for me. Not this year. I think I’ll celebrate instead. It’s such a thrill to still be kickin’ it every day with you groovy people.
:)
-
locket
This locket was my Mother’s Day gift from the kids and John. It has pictures of both of my babies inside. I love the flower detailing on the outside of the locket and the mini flowers that dangle from the chain at the top. A treasure, indeed.
-
which part is mine?
Today as I sat in silence, an old song was running through my mind. It’s a ballad by LDS songwriter Michael McLean and each verse portrays a stage of a women’s life and has her perplexed by her role in her various relationships–with friends, spouse, children and spiritual journey. The refrain asks “Which part is mine and which part is yours?”I thought about this song as I pondered my various relationships. I wondered, for example, about my children’s growing autonomy. At what point do I intervene and help them to solve their problems and when do I let them learn their own lessons? How much do I hover? When it is better to let them strike out on their own? How can I affirm my love without stifling them or breaking their will? And are there moments when I am too aloof, too absorbed in my own projects?
I thought about it in terms of my relationship with John. I considered the significant investment I have in him and how difficult it is for me when, like this last week, he is out of town. And I wonder what the best balance is between absorbing myself in him and pursuing my own goals & desires? I considered those moments when my being self-focused weakens our relationship. Yet I also think that, in many ways, I can only be a good partner when I have a strong self to offer. Which part is mine and which part is his, indeed?
This line of thought also has resonance with my involvement in the larger community of Friends. For the past two years I’ve mostly been a recipient–indulging in the efforts of others’ planning, sharing, and ministry. This has been a necessary time to nourish my wounded soul. Accepting the care of others has allowed me space and time for healing. I wonder, though, if it isn’t my turn to serve? As I sat in Meeting today and acknowledged each person in the circle I realized that I have much to give. I am no longer the girl in corner who is constantly on the verge of tears, who has no voice to speak in Meeting. Perhaps ironically, this brings to mind some words from my patriarchal blessing, an admonishment to “move with confidence because there are many who look to you as an example and who will receive encouragement from you through your example.” I am starting to feel that it is “my part” to become more active in the Meeting community. Perhaps it is time to return some of what I have received.
-
letters
I have always been a letter writer. I love the feel of a fresh piece of stationery, and watching my words fill a card or a page. I fell in love with my spouse through the letters we exchanged during the years he was in Japan–long before the days of email.
During my college years I wrote letters every Sunday. Letters to John, letters to my parents and extended family, letters to friends both close and farflung. I kept a thick folder of quotations and poetry that could easily be inserted in letters. When appropriate I enclosed pressed ferns or flowers. I decorated my stationery with pictures in the margins and with stickers. I often sealed them closed with an impression from a favorite rubber stamp.
My Mom recently came across the letters that I wrote to my grandmother–covering a span of two decades. Mom had never known that I’d written so frequently and at such length. I remember thinking, at the time, that my grandma would be delighted to get my missives in the mail and it seemed an important duty to write to her often. And she regularly replied, though more than once she expressed her surprise at how much I liked to write letters. I wonder, now, if I was one of the few who wrote to her during those years. Perhaps it was those many years of letters that led to our closeness when I eventually moved my young family near her home. She came over regularly and offered much help and advice with the children. Though our interests didn’t overlap much, it was a joy to have her participate in our lives and I’d forgotten how important that was to me at the time.
Grandma loved roses and she let me pick from her many rosebushes as much as I wanted to. After visiting her I would craft huge bouquets that brought me much joy during the years that I didn’t have my own garden. I suspect that much of my affection for flowers comes from grandma and her husband, who was also an avid gardener.
Grandma is still alive, but suffers now from advanced Alzheimer’s and resides in an assisted living facility. She doesn’t remember any of her family members–even her own children. But I have heard that she still enjoys receiving cards and letters.
-
celebration
Today is GameBoy’s birthday. He’s been an never-ending stream of joy since the day he arrived. :)
This past year he’s grown more confident, more self-assured. His favorite subject is science and he can discuss nearly any scientific topic at length. He loves games, good food, and helping others. He is a library aide, a Science Olympian, a bike rider, a trash taker-outer, a cat caretaker, a reader of SciAm, and a darn good bear-hugger.
As he chooses classes for next year and looks forward to college (and beyond), he makes this Mom proud. GameBoy is trustworthy, diligent, and mirthful. He makes wise choices. He is thoughtful of others. He is joy.
-
happy day!
Just having returned from a weekend retreat in Julian, CA, I can say that this turned out to be a happy trip for all of us. Some highlights:
-Everyone recovered enough from the FluB for us to hightail it out of town early Saturday morning. A lovely drive through the California countryside. Driving past blossoming citrus orchards with the windows down and inhaling deeply.
-Flowers. Everywhere! (including huge clumps of daffodils!)
-Discovering that the food at camp was truly worth gushing over. Local, green, fresh, handmade with herbs and ingenuity. Big salads of mixed greens, golden beet soup, chicken (and chick’n) marsala, crepe-pancakes, and the best sugar cookies, ever!
-Julian apples (and apple pie) and finding a local stand selling avocados 25/$5
-3 games of Ticket to Ride IN A ROW with a worthy opponent. Lost two, won one.
-Marveling at the burn damage from last Fall’s fires. Blackened tree stumps everywhere. Joining a work crew on Saturday to plant trees in the burned areas. Digging deep in the ash-laden soil, making new homes for the small saplings.
-Time for quiet worship in the morning. In small groups and in a large circle with Friends. Sharing my thoughts and experiences. Being open to hearing others’ stories. Realizing the joy that comes from striving together.
-Being away from it all: no cellphones, no wifi. Just a lot of wide open spaces and trees and meadows, and deer, and hawks, and frogs singing at night. And sharing it all with the people that I love. :)
-
it’s a jammie day
Both CatGirl and GameBoy are feverish today. Given that I have nowhere else to be besides home with them, I’ve decided we will all stay in our jammies today.
We are sipping tea with honey, reading books (me, I suspect I will finally finish _Mr. Norrell and Jonathan Strange_ today–hoooray!), napping with kitties at our side, and looking forward to everyone feeling better. I am convinced that I will not get sick myself–I’m pumping myself full of healthy food. vitamins and lots of fluids. Getting plenty of rest. Doing yoga and concentrating my energy on healing the kiddoes.
I did notice that my bike ride to campus yesterday was more laborious than usual. I’m sure my body is fighting off the virus that’s affecting my little ones. So I’m doing my best to insure that I can stay as healthy as possible!
-
so fragile
Been spending most of today with CatGirl nesting on the couch with pillows and cozy blankies. She’s been intermittently running a high fever (102-104) for the past 24 hours.
With her head leaning on my shoulder and her lanky body curled into mine, I remember her baby days when she rarely wanted to lose touch. She was my little monkey, arms wrapped tightly around my neck. When I sat in a chair she would stand behind me, running her fingers through my hair (when she got a bit older she loved to give me ‘pretty hairdos’ with her rainbow-colored barrettes).
Now, with the flush of fever showing red on her cheeks and lips, my instinct is to hold her tight, to absorb the heat. Remembering a time when our bodies were joined–mine feeding hers, nurturing the small ball of tissue that would eventually grow into my bright and graceful girl.
Today I ache to add my strength to hers again. Because she feels so small and fragile in my arms.
-
just like in Paris
John prepared an amazing french-style breakfast for us this morning (with the help of the kids who fetched herbs and helped with prep).
I am a lucky girl, indeed.
I love holiday weekends. :)
-
my boys
like father, like son, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.Another photo tribute to today’s birthday boy. Not only is John an awesome writer, partner, and friend, he is also an incredibly good father. This pic of him and GameBoy always reminds me of John’s tender and thoughtful parenting (and also how thrilled I was to have a boy-baby that would grow up to be like my beloved).
John and I started our family when we were very young and very poor. But love was abundant in our home. And it still is.
