[Note: this picture has nothing at all to do with this post–I just wanted to share it with you because it shows both CatGirl’s loveliness and John’s skill with his camera. It just sort of takes my breath away to see such beauty….]
Allright, so today I did something truly scary….I went to the doctor. I had a follow-up for my leg (healing well, thank you) and I simultaneously scheduled my “well-woman” checkup. It’s probably been at least 5 years since I’ve been in those stirrups. So my big New Year’s resolution for 2008 was to get that done. Well, it’s not even the end of May yet and I accomplished it. Whew.
I don’t know why it’s such a hurdle for me. I really had nothing that I was particularly worried about. It’s just that whole doctor thing….(bleh)
Tomorrow is the 24th anniversary of the day I was diagnosed with bone cancer, which usually ends up being a kind of a downer day for me. Not this year. I think I’ll celebrate instead. It’s such a thrill to still be kickin’ it every day with you groovy people.
:)
4 comments
1. That IS a lovely picture. She has a very Botticelli look — Botticelli Venus or Mary in a black T-shirt.
2. I am VERY glad you are still around. xoxo
3. The last time I was in “those stirrups” before this year? 1990. No lie. And I only went this year because I could discern something wrong.
I frickin’ hate those appointments. Hate them. I’ve never met anyone who liked them, though. Congratulations on going ahead and making yours.
One of my former OB/Gyns told me that he expects his patients to dislike their pelvic exams. He said if they were to enjoy them he’d suggest that they find a new doctor.
I thought that was pretty funny.
I have heard woman remark time and time again that they thought men were better because they weren’t sure exactly what it would be like and so they try to be very gentle. Women doctors might not feel quite as inhibited, although I only had female doctors for this and only one of them made is a really rough and uncomfortable experience.
The first time I had the actual pap my doctor talked the whole way through it, and when I was back and dressed she said she would call with the results in a week, and I was like ‘results for what?’ I had no idea she had done it, and had I not moved to the otherside of the country she would have been my OB/GYN for life.
I should add that for me it’s not really the trauma of getting a pelvic exam that prevents me from seeing the doctor. Sure I don’t like them, but I’ve had so many docs exploring the various spaces of my body that I long ago gave up my nervousness about that in particular. What’s hard is just the doctor thing more generally. Going for a checkup, putting on the gown, putting myself at the mercy of the medical system. That’s also why being in the hospital a few weeks ago was so hard and while I was there I was downright belligerent at times–for example I refused to wear their gowns, refused to pee in the urinal thingies, etc. I was also assertive about getting my sheets changed, eating when I wanted to, etc. I’ve done similar things each time I’ve been hospitalized for childbirth. I tell the docs what I’m planning to do and let them follow suit. I actually think they respect that and they rarely seem annoyed.
Now that I think about it, that’s probably another reason I had such difficulty with adhering to Mormon tenets. I was always having to answer to a male leader–even answering very intimate questions about my lifestyle and sexual practices. I saw no space for autonomy or assertiveness.