Category: deep thoughts

  • I am already missing my hour of sleep and I’m not even asleep yet

    sigh

  • morning thoughts…

    8:33
    Look at clock, acknowledge that it’s about time to get out of bed. Roll over and curl into the warm hollow left by John’s body and note how super-cozy his pillow is in the morning.
    9:10
    John walks in with latte, heaping high with foam. Remind self what a good thing it is to have coffee-colored sheets when sipping in a supine position.
    9:30
    John joins me in bed at my request. Noted: the charming way a bead of sweat pools in the divot at the base of his throat between his clavicle bones. What is this oh-so-sweet spot called?

  • each and every wave


    hanging camellia, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    Yesterday I snuck away from my work in the archives at the Huntington to spend some time in the gardens. But it was crowded and I felt frustrated that I didn’t feel peace, only annoyance at all of the people and their chatter and their strollers and just them. Everywhere.

    Then I found a little path leading through the camellia grove to the Children’s Garden (everyone else, it seemed, was headed for the newly-opened Chinese Garden). I wandered among the trees, marveling at the variety of colors and sizes of the flowers. Snapping a few pictures, the tension in my shoulders eased. I relished the solitude for about 20 minutes before I headed back to the reading room.

    On days like these I realize that I have a very blissful life. I spend my time with family and friends, with historical research and writing, and with nature. I feel so lucky. I try not to take any of it for granted. In many ways, this blog is my way of affirming the good that the universe has brought to my life, to show that every bit of it is appreciated.

    A few years ago I remember thinking that people who have homes overlooking the ocean, they probably get so used to it that they don’t realize how lucky they are. I’d imagined that many days they even forget to take note of the view and of the smells and sensations of the sea.

    Me, I have this life of so much goodness. So every day I take notice, give thanks, and recognize how very fortunate I am–trying never to take these good things for granted. Were I to live by the sea, I would celebrate each and every wave, mindful of the privilege of coastal living. As it is, I find myself counting each and every blessing in my current life. From the joy of waking with EllyCat nestled between John & I, to the awesomeness of my responsible children who did all the laundry this morning, to enjoying the smells of fresh rain on earth yesterday evening, to the wind blowing outside right now, to the luxury of having time to contemplate all of these things as I share them with you.

    “It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth–and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up–that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one that we had.”
    ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

  • my new meme

    I just decided to write my own meme. And you are all hereby invited to join in the memey-ness, either in the comments or on your own blog…

    1) If you were a pair of socks, what would you look like?
    Striped and woolly. Handknit.

    2) How many bottle openers do you own? Are any of them kifed from the hotel where you stayed on your honeymoon?
    Two, one hot pink from The Madonna Inn.

    3) Utilikilts: Hot or Not?
    Hot when John is wearing one.

    4) When you are at the grocery store late at night, what snack food calls your name?
    Dark chocolate truffles, SunChips

    5) How many scars do you have? What’s your biggest? Your favorite?
    Too many to count. 7 prominent ones. Biggest: seam on right leg. Favorite: down the inside of my left arm, from a fencenail (blech).

    6) What’s the name of your computer? Your wireless network? Your car?
    Junebug, AdamondiAhman, The Car

    7) Who was your first kiss? Your most recent kiss? If you have cats, how many times/day do you kiss them?
    I can’t remember if his name was Ryan or Steve. He kissed me without any warning and I was so shocked that I couldn’t enjoy it one bit. The first time I volitionally kissed someone it was RobertM (who I googled awhile back and he’s now an attorney in Colorado). Last kiss: a sweet little armlick from EllyCat. Probably more than 20 times/day.

    8) What do you wear on days when no one you know will see you?
    Red plaid boxer shorts and a ratty tee. Glasses. Hair in ponytail.

    9) Phobias?
    RATS, falling, heights, that my fly is down while I’m teaching class, that I have cancer again.

    10) When you were in school, did you ever negotiate with your teacher for higher grades? If so, did you ever beg or cry?
    Nope (though I did cry in front of a teacher-friend once, it was because I was telling her about a recent death in my family and wasn’t because I was begging for a regrade of my exam). I should note, though, that my face spouts tears at the oddest moments–my eyes often water (or my nose runs) when I am intensely focused, and some people have interpreted these as tears of worry or fear…

    11) If you had 60 research papers to read, what would you do to avoid reading them?
    Write blogmemes (duh!)

    12) Your favorite train ride ever?
    Summer of 2000, Isle of Man trolley

  • the blahs

    I have the blahs this afternoon. A somber feeling that might stem from yet another day of rain, or because my vacuum is on the fritz (I love vacuuming), or from my pile of papers to grade that is now about to topple at over 8″ high. Even my afternoon cuppa seemed a little dreary…

    Can y’all send something warm and cheery and lovely my way? Or something to make me giggle?

    Thank you, my friends.

  • my hippy memories

    Last night my yoga teacher warned us that the “work” we’d done on opening our hips might bring back some surprising memories from the past. Because, she said, we store many of our memories in our hips and pelvis.

    The cynic in me thinks that such statements are a kind of uninformed hooey. Memories in my hips…yah, right. I mean, I wasn’t born yesterday. I learned about the brain way back in gradeschool.

    But then there’s this other part of me that knows how our bodies are imprinted with our experiences. How each fissure and wrinkle and roundness of my body tells the story of me. One of my heartfelt losses when my leg was amputated, was the loss of its tales. I don’t have a photograph as a memorial, and can just barely remember the thick scar running down my knee.

    And I also think of my neurobiology class from Gary Lynch, a world-renowned memory researcher. Where I learned that our memories are all the effect of biochemical processes. While current research points to this happening in our brain (and not our hips), I don’t buy that there’s a total disconnect between the two.

    As my body moves around it stimulates emotions, desires, passions, resistances, and sensations. So why not memories, too?

  • meme-me

    A meme from Susan:

    What kind of soap do you have in your bathtub/shower right now?
    Dove unscented for sensitive skin. It’s one of the few soaps that doesn’t make me itchy.

    What color or design is on your shower curtain?
    Ours has a map of the world. The whole bathroom has a travel theme (postcards, huge painting of Venice canals, etc.)

    What would you change about your living room?
    Another cat sitting on the arm of the couch? Seriously, I love my LR as is. Purple couch, crazy red oriental rug, cozy rocker, antique coffee table, plump ottoman… what’s there not to love?

    How many plants are in your home?
    Four

    Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty?
    Dishwaher? What dishwasher?

    Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
    Usually ceramic. As in, a teacup or mug.

    Do you have iced tea, made in a pitcher, right now?
    Nope.

    Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
    No. Those suckers are heavy to carry home from the Farmer’s Market. Apples fit much better in my bike basket.

    So, what is in your fridge?
    Milk (organic nonfat), yogurt, organic free-range chicken parts (for dinner tonite), salad dressing, Asian, sauces, peanut butter, jams, Asian pickles, dill pickles, olives, gruyere cheese, gouda cheese, cheddar cheese, parmesan cheese, broccoli, salad greens

    What’s on top of your refrigerator?
    A microwave and an ice shaver

    White or wheat bread?
    Wheat. Usually organic.

    Comet or Soft Scrub?
    I can’t breathe if I use either of them. I clean the sinks and tub with elbow grease.

    Is your bed made now?
    Kinda–covers pulled up but not tidied. Pillows askew.

    Is your closet organized?
    Pretty much. My clothes are hanging by type and color. John’s are hanging by type.

    Can you describe your flashlight?
    Charging in the bathroom outlet. I also keep matches and candles closeby.

    If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
    No garage. Our front porch holds our bikes. Front closet has helmets, pumps, etc. Tools are in John’s “office” (storage closet).

    If you made it this far, consider yourself invited to join in the meme-y happiness!

  • resting place


    birdbath headstone, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    We found this charming headstone in the Univ of North Carolina cemetery (a graveyard, on campus!) during our family vacation last summer. I would love a stone like this to mark my resting spot. What fun it would be to have birds frolicking overhead!

    Today has been a busy day, so much so that even a flock of birds flying through my bedroom probably won’t disturb my sleep tonite. At the end of yoga class this evening, as I was lying in “corpse pose,” I had a moment to ‘live’ my death. It was a delicious thing to lie there and submit completely to the floor beneath me. To feel spent from a vigorous yoga session (completely with Y’s very special arm pulls and neck adjustments).

    I can only hope that someday when it’s my time, I can submit just as peacefully. Knowing of the good life that I’ve lived and being ready to let go of the world. Forever.

  • sick day

    Really, people should not get sick on a Friday, but somehow I woke up this morning puking anyways….and, oh, my aching head…

    Fortunately for me, EllyCat decided that my prone-on-the-couch body was the perfect spot for her daytime nap, even putting her soft paw on my cheek. Such sweetness.

    I am working hard, despite sickness, with much history-making happening here at chez moi…
    :)

    And for those who’d like a little cat lovin’ with this sickbed report, please take a moment to enjoy this vid of EllyCat displaying her prowess at “String Theory.”

  • cuppa canvas


    a cup for me, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    Had a creative burst yesterday so I pulled out a little canvas and some acrylic paints and had some fun.

    I’m going to hang this in my kitchen near the sink.

    Some days the urge to mix colors is almost overwhelming. I rarely expect for anything I create to be worthy of hanging on a wall, but it brings me joy anyways. Sometimes I create with beads or fabric. Sometimes they are the colorful plantings in my garden.

    “The world is but a canvas to the imagination”
    ~Henry David Thoreau

  • to the realms of the immortals…


    tea rainbow, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    The first cup moistens my lips and throat. The second cup breaks my loneliness. The third cup searches my barren entrail but to find therein some thousand volumes of odd ideographs. The fourth cup raises a slight perspiration – all the wrongs of life pass out through my pores. At the fifth cup I am purified. The sixth cup calls me to the realms of the immortals. The seventh cup – ah, but I could take no more! I only feel the breath of the cool wind that raises in my sleeves. Where is Elysium? Let me ride on this sweet breeze and waft away thither.
    ~Lu Tung, “Tea-Drinking”

  • I’m not a professional blogger, but I play one on TV…

    I blog regularly (meaning daily or semi-monthly) at five different blogs. One of these days I’ll tally my wordcount and see how many books I’ve written since the birth of enivri.com. I doubt I’m anywhere near the book every three weeks rate of this blogger. But I’ll bet I do have a few books under my belt by now. Leitch claims that blogging is the hardest job ever. I’m going to guess that he’s never been a mother of a toilet-training 2 year-old or a maid (and neither of them have great tans either). Really.

    Much has been written about the relative lack of sales success for books written by bloggers, as if bloggers were an ethnic group, or some sort of easily charted genre. Every blogger is different from the others; I can’t think of a single shared characteristic among bloggers, save for lack of a tan. The one thing we do do, however, is write. A lot. I’ve worked for newspapers, magazines, television stations, doctor’s offices, you name it, and no job requires more daily effort than being a professional blogger. If people have a slow day at the office and do a little less work than usual, hardly anyone notices. If I have a slow day, every commenter on my site lets me know immediately.