February 5, 2012

I.

I tried an experiment once

after too many days of Utah winter and indoors

with two toddlers.

I would see what my

smile

would get me…

We went to the library for storytime, and there was an older man

a grandpa

leading some children’s music by playing the harmonica

he had a suitcase full of different harmonicas at his side

So I asked him some questions

about a good starter harmonica and about music

I pointed to several in his case and asked about them

he said he taught lessons

he gave me his card, and I

smiled

and kept asking questions

before long, he had pulled a new harmonica out of his bag

and had me playing a few notes on it,

learning to close the holes with my tongue to make different sounds

it felt strange to be talking with a stranger about where to put my tongue

but I was learning and

I kept asking questions and I

smiled

and after awhile he pulled a small box out of the bottom of his case.

It was about the size of a stick of trident gum, but thicker

and he told me that it was mine and I

smiled

and opened it and it was a small golden harmonica

on a gold necklace chain, which he said

I could now take with me anywhere

“I can’t accept that,” I said and

smiled

and he closed his hand around mine

and told me that he wanted me to have it

because my

smile

had made him happy.

***

II.

It’s time for my annual interview

with a church leader.

A man that I’ve never met before,

he ushers me into his office

closes the door behind him and I

smile

as I shake his hand

and he pulls out the list of questions

he must ask to judge if I can

enter the temple, again.

I settle into my chair across the desk

from him and he steeples his fingers

and looks at me.

“Sister,” he says.

“I can tell from your beautiful

smile

that you will answer all of these questions

correctly.

I can just see these things sometimes.”

And I

smile

again as he signs his name to the

small white card that certifies

I am worthy.

***

III.

I went to the cantina at the invitation of

a friend-of-a-friend who knew I was just barely

divorced and wanting to ‘get out.’

That friend-of-a-friend bought me a drink

and then moved on

to the other side of the room.

And I sat there

at the bar alone, stirring my drink

and thinking.

A man approached and as we talked we

discovered we had more in common

than just our friend.  And I

smiled

as he told me how hard it is to meet

smart women, who know some things

about technology.  And then I

chewed on the corner of my lip

because I had never met a man in a bar before

and I hesitated

when he offered to buy me another

margarita as we

nibbled on nachos. I asked myself

what does it mean

that we’ve been talking for

two hours now?

And I wondered what should I do when he said

“Let’s get out of here,” while motioning to our

friend who had long since left

us in this corner.  So I

smiled

and we went

for a walk on the beach.

And in the dark as he ran his fingertips

from my ear down my neck, I asked

why he approached me

in that bar and and he said

he couldn’t help it,

because of my

smile