Not too long ago I was being teased a bit, by someone who knows how different my “in real life” persona can be from my blog persona:
“The blog police are going to come and arrest you one of these days,” he said.
I’ve thought a lot about that since then, and I don’t think I’m violating any fundamental laws by what I write here–I mean, it is a space where I play with language and storytelling and is, therefore, fundamentally different from how I relate an event if we were chatting over teacups in my living room. But the accusation was less about that, and more about how romantic and starry-eyed I sound in blogland, versus my quite practical, straightforward, get-things-done, everyday self.
I’ve already written about how I tend to have a macro view of the world and how this has gotten me into a bit of trouble in the past (for literally not seeing a greater perspective on things). I continue to worry about that, and feel an ongoing tension between focusing on what I want to see, and truly seeing what is right in front of me.
But perhaps what is more misleading is that my blog is all soft-focus and flowers and tea-with-doilies and my real life is administrative meetings and debugging software and caring for two teenagers. There isn’t actually much space in my life for flowers these days. Even the ocean is taking second (or, third) position to my research and my caregiving role.
It reminds me of a funny conversation I had with some friends in the hot tub a few months ago. We were talking about dreams (big life-changing dreams) and I mentioned that I don’t believe in making huge life choices unless there’s a practical element to them (i.e. a plan for how to support the dream financially). I want to see a spreadsheet along with that plan to quit your job and become a full-time artist. So while I believe in the allure of the open road and wide open vistas that lie ahead, I also believe in tanks full of gas and a healthy retirement account.
So, if anything, this blog is a space where I can dream and imagine and discuss what’s happening in my head, but that’s mostly a counterpoint to my lived experience that’s all checklists and laundry and who’s picking up who after art class.
” If you built castles in the sky ; your work need not be lost ; that is where they should be. Now, put the foundations under them. ”