in a handbasket

Written by

Jana

in

Not sure why, but there’s something really liberating about knowing that I’m now headed to hell (or in mormonspeak, “The Telestial Kingdom“).

Now I can do all the sorcery and coffee-drinking that I want, with nary a worry about the consequences. Right?

Besides…some of my favorite people have been fornicators, thieves, pot-smokers, liars, and/or presidential candidates (and sometimes all of the above).* And what would the afterlife be if I couldn’t hang with all those groovy people?

*Note: I am resisting the urge to blog about the P-word. Resist. Resist. Resist, I say.

Comments

11 responses to “in a handbasket”

  1. sarah k. Avatar
    sarah k.

    Don’t forget me! I’ll be there too.

    Reply
  2. Gritty Pretty Avatar
    Gritty Pretty

    so true! what a relief! (and very funny.)

    Reply
  3. bonzai Avatar
    bonzai

    Growing up in a completely secular household, my elementary school friends who attended the two big local churches took great delight in telling me that I was going to Hell on a regular basis. As time went on, I came up with 2 responses:
    You can’t send me to a place I don’t believe in.
    – or –
    Great – all my friends will be there!
    And the longer I live, the truer the second one is…and I wouldn’t have it any other way. See you there!

    Reply
  4. lma Avatar
    lma

    I’ve always said that if the people who think they are going to heaven/the Celestial Kingdom/paradise are the ones who are really going, I have no interest in going there.

    Because if I were stuck there with those folks, that would really be Hell.

    Reply
  5. gs Avatar
    gs

    This post made me smile on a rainy morning (Hurricane Hanna is passing us by). Thank you.

    Reply
  6. Kristen Avatar
    Kristen

    Hmmm, can’t help but think of South Park, both the series and the movie. Hell is presided over by Satan, but there’s a big luau every night, with music and dancing. Meanwhile, up in heaven, those who belonged to the one ‘true’ religion (the Mormons!!) are busy making things out of popsicle sticks.

    Yep, I’ll take hell too. ;)

    Reply
  7. [kɹeɪ̯g̊] Avatar
    [kɹeɪ̯g̊]

    When I began to leave the church, and allowed myself to let go of the ever-present guilt, I felt the same way.

    How ironic that letting go of all the stuff that was supposed to make me “happy” is what actually did allow me to be happy.

    Reply
  8. Quin Avatar
    Quin

    You know . . . I’ve always said that too! Why the heck would I want to go to heaven? All of the interesting people will be in hell!

    Reply
  9. Emily Avatar
    Emily

    not to quibble, my dear, but isn’t the correct name for Mormon hell “Outer Darkness”? a technicality, but I’d still rather meet up with friends in the telestial kingdom . . .

    Reply
  10. jana Avatar
    jana

    Emily:
    Well, it depends on what folklore you’ve heard, I suppose. In my seminary classes they told us that Outer Darkness was where people like Hitler would be (mass murderers). I don’t suspect that I’ve earned that level of punishment yet, nor would most of my associates–even super sinful ones. :)

    Reply
  11. God's Guitar Girl Avatar
    God’s Guitar Girl

    Quibble away. This is ridiculous. I think we all agree, no matter what term you use and to whose denomination it is considered correct, who really determines “where you go” or your salvation??? I haven’t met any human on earth that is given this power. (Lovin’ that South Park reference, BTW!)

    Just because others consider you bound to spend eternity in the “smoking section” doesn’t mean that they can know the mind of God. Break those chains, sister!

    Reply

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