It seems that sometimes life sends a convergence of happenings all at once. Of course it can be thrilling when this happens, but it can also be tiring or stressful, or even the best-laid plans can go awry in the midst of the whirlwind.
This past week held a bit of that craziness for me. It was Spring Break for the kiddos and I had conference travel planned. Then I added into the mix a much-needed four-day vacation to Portland…and then there was some major emotional stuff happening that I won’t go into now, but that definitely made this week out-of-the-norm (in a good way).
So I was scheduled to fly to a conference in Palo Alto this weekend, and instead I decided to drive. I realized that I needed the wide open spaces–both the landscape and the time to think as I sat behind the wheel. And I needed very much just to be alone for awhile.
I’m still digesting it all, making sense of change. Making sense of this huge love I have for my life and for the state where I live (really, I feel like I could give the entire state of California a bit wet slobbery kiss after driving through the central valley, and following the meandering road over the Pacheco Pass). Over the past ten years or so I’ve built up some strong walls around my emotions–as a protective mechanism to prevent being hurt (by the Mormons, by my ex-spouse, by academia, etc). I’m breaking down a few of those barriers right now, ever-so-tentatively. It’s hard work, being vulnerable again. But I think I’m ready.
At this moment I’m my bathrobe sitting on the balcony of a quiet hotel, looking out over a waterfall and dense trees. It’s the first time that I’ve ever spent an Easter weekend alone (in recent years, I’ve been here). But it feels right for where I am in my life right now. And I do have the loveliest view…