Author: Jana

  • such a big boy!


    with mommy, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.
    GameBoy is turning 16 years old today, which seems unbelievable. I know, parents always say that. But…wow!

    As an example of the fine human being that he’s evolving into:

    The other night we were having a dinner conversation about cheating at school. GB was saying how hard it is to ignore the rampant cheating on quizzes that happens in many of his classes. Occasionally, he explained, he will hear the “right” answer to a question inadvertently when his friends are sharing such info with each other. So then, when he gets to that particular question on the quiz and comes up with the same answer as he overheard, he will purposefully mark it wrong–just to prove that he didn’t cheat.

    Can you see why he blows me away? Not only is he an amazingly compassionate taller-than-me teen, but he also works terrifically hard to do what’s right. His moral compass is true.  It’s an honor to be his Mom.

    And I love him so. Always have and always will.

    Happy Birthday, buddy!

  • my life-square


    me & Frida, in the graveyard, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.
    Recently I signed up for Foursquare, thinking that it would be groovy-cool to join in a real-life location-based game. However, I haven’t actually played along yet. It seems that I’m already more-than-visible to the world through my various internet presence(s), and I’m not sure that I want to add to that. At least not yet.

    It anything, I’ve been feeling rather exposed by having so many online venues, clamoring for my attention. For example, I’m on Twitter under various aliases: @janaremy, @MHpodcast, @theexponent, @ATChapman, @PDP2010, @dhsocal. Granted, several of these logins I share with other group members….but it’s still a lot to manage! Blogwise, I can be found in numerous spaces, too: PilgrimSteps, MakingHistoryPodcast: Blog, HistoryCompass, DHSoCal, The Exponent, etc. Then there’s flickr and Facebook and LinkedIn and Posterous. Not to mention GoogleBuzz and GChat and Skype.

    These online presences all complement my “in-real-life” busy-ness. I’m shuffling between two campuses, fulfilling parenting/household duties, and escaping to the ocean as often as is reasonable.

    Of course, it would be uber-awesome to be mayor of the Pacific–or at least of Newport Harbor. But I’m not yet convinced that I need a web app to tell me I own those spaces.

  • in the details

    Each Easter Catgirl creates beautifully detailed Pysanky egg art. I do think this year’s is especially lovely–but of course I think that every year.

  • itchy itchy scratchy scratchy


    my back has muscles, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    My back is nearly always itchy–especially in that center spot between the shoulder blades. I think it has something to do my outrigger paddling and the stretching to the tendons and muscle fibers across my upper back.

    But it’s so terrifically annoying to have itches that I can’t scratch (or at least, where it’s not so easy to scratch)! Today I can hardly get any work done because of the distraction, which I’m guessing is from the hard workout with my team last night…[note to self: buy backscratcher for office!]

  • retreat

    sunrise in yellow

    As happens in academia, March and April are  the season where you learn the results of all those grant applications you sent out in November and December.  The last time I applied for funding I received nearly every grant that I applied for–a rare thing in History, for sure.  But this past grant cycle has been nearly the opposite–the rejections far outweighing the acceptances.  Of course it’s to be expected.  Of course it doesn’t mean anything about my intrinsic worth as a scholar, but it is…wearying to keep finding all of those skinny envelopes.

    So that’s just one reason that some news I received in Friday was extra-exciting, that I was selected as one of the twelve “barn-raisers” for the One Week | One Tool summer institute. I read and re-read that letter, just to make sure that it wasn’t another rejection.  And then stomped my feet with glee!

    Just shortly after I received that news, we left town for our annual Spring retreat with our Quaker Meeting.  We gather in the mountains above Julian, CA, and spend three days strengthening our connections with each other and with our shared values.  The setting couldn’t be more idyllic.  We made blood-orange marmalade together, cheered the children’s Easter egg hunt, celebrated two friends’ engagement with some sweet champagne, played Eurogames, sipped tea, chased wild turkeys, took naps, wandered the forest dotted with wild daffodils, and ate apple pie.  It’s quite different from the Easter celebrations when our kids were younger–there were no pastel dresses or baskets filled with plastic grass. No church choir. No talk of resurrection.  After the egg hunt the children continued playing together while the adults sat in a silent circle. 

    I realized, while I was there, how much I needed time to simply be with my family, my friends, and my self.  I needed the time to think and to imagine.  I needed to watch the firelight dance.  I needed to remember who I am and what I can be.

     

  • yet another reason that I haven’t been blogging much lately

    I just launched a re-design of The Exponent blog, which included moving the site off of wordpress.com and onto a hosted server.   The blog is actually still just a wee bit buggy, but be patient with me–I’m learning a lot, making mistakes, and figuring things out as I go along.  :)

    As I wrote a few days ago, I’m continuing to enjoy my association with the fine Mormon-feminist women that I know from The Exponent & ExponentII.  I feel so fortunate to count them each as friends and sisters.

  • yet another reason I haven’t been blogging as much lately


    IMG_0442, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    My apologies for the grainy photo. But you get the general idea…

    A few weeks ago I took a part-time temporary position at Chapman University as the Associate Director of Instructional Technology. Balancing that work with my dissertation-writing and my other obligations (podcasting! blogging! attending conferences! poetry! parenting! gardening! paddling!) has not been easy. But the work is incredibly stimulating. I have a lovely office location and great resources at my fingertips. My new colleagues are smart and supportive. I am learning so much.

    I fear that what has suffered the most for these past few weeks is my ability to support my family, my friendships, and my spiritual life. Because becoming a better juggler of my ‘to-do’ list does not necessarily make me a better human being or a better partner. But in that, I am learning, too.

  • just one of the reasons that I’m not blogging as much these days…


    IMG_9577, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.
  • Why?

    Yesterday I attended a few sessions of the Sunstone West conference at Claremont Graduate University, an event that examines Mormon culture and thought.  Several people asked me why I attended the event, or why I continue to be involved in Mormon circles given that I’m not a practicing member of the LDS church.

    Those are good (hard) questions, ones that I’ve often asked myself these past few years.  I don’t know if I have any good answers.  But I continue to feel that these folks are my ‘tribe.’  These are not your everyday Mormons, these are women and men who’ve walked much of the same path that I have.  Our shared history and experience allows me a freedom that I don’t have in other spaces.  My Quaker Friends, as dear as they are, can’t fully sympathize with my struggles.  Nor can most of my local ward members.  Having a continued tie to the Sunstone and Exponent community is somewhat akin to having a shared history with extended family members.  There is so much joy in the reunion, even if it is a rare occurrence.

    It may be that at some point I will cease being involved in Mormon organizations altogether.  But for now, for me, it feels right to continue.  Much joy comes from being with this group, and that joy is what keeps me returning.  I need those hugs and hi-fives from my fellow travelers.  I especially relish the strength and support of my Exponent sisters–each of you give me the courage to continue on my journey. 

  • My path to technology

    A blog entry for Ada Lovelace Day

    Yesterday I was nearly exploding with the news that I’d had my first few PHP successes.  Just small things, but it felt so satisfying to troubleshoot an issue and muddle through the fix.  It took lots of websearching and reading, a brief convo with an IT tech at my hosting provider, and lots of trial and error.  But it worked.  Woot!

    In general, lately, I’m finding huge satisfaction with acquiring new technical knowledge, much of which has come my way through my work in digital humanities.  My capacity to learn new things seems to be increasing with each new step, and I’m intuitively becoming more capable at describing, managing, and troubleshooting technology.  The thrill that accompanies each of these successes is not something I would have expected.  How fun it is to learn–even as late as my 30s–that I like tech.

    Along with my recent successes in the technical realm, I’ve been part of numerous discussions about the gender gap in technology-related fields.  As a result, I’ve reflected on my own path in this direction. I can’t point to any one thing that steered me away from math and hard science, except my own deep belief that I wasn’t good in those areas.  I felt no thrill when faced with a math problem.  I merely endured Physics.  The quantitative elements of Chemistry and Economics were my least favorite.  It’s possible that I simply wasn’t good at any of those things when I was younger, and my stronger skills in writing and memorization steered me towards Biology and Journalism.  Or it may be that I simply wasn’t validated for performing well in my Math or Science classes in the same way that I was when I did well in English.  It’s hard to say.

    But I think the real reason probably lies with being more often rewarded for what came easily (such as writing a story) and less often rewarded for what came hard (like a well-argued geometry proof).  My own experience leads me to believe that my male peers often received praise that affirmed the skills needed to work through a difficult problem set, whereas us girls were not encouraged in that same way.

    I also suspect that much of the reason I steered clear of math & science was that I wanted to be attractive to boys, and winning such attention meant more to me than the satisfaction of an elegant lab writeup.  Although I typically dated the kind of boys who liked brainy girls, I still knew, deep-down, that the girls who were ‘too smart’ were far less likely to have a date on Friday night.  My being raised Mormon particularly reinforced the notion that a ‘soft’ career choice was a better one, because the more important goal was to be a wife and a mother.  Mormon women are strongly discouraged from full-time work, or even pursuing graduate study, unless it is after their children are grown.

    I’m not sure yet where my growing passion for technology will take me, but as I move forward on this path it’s exciting to add new tools to my tech-kit and to find such satisfaction in problem-solving.

  • because I don’t like pinches


    like velcro, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

  • At Concord farm, 2007


    At Concord farm, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    A good memory. So perfect & blue!