There have been a number of hard things happen this week. One of which is that Vasia-kitty* has a large open sore on his back–so large and deep that you can see his spine fairly clearly. On top of that he appears to have a type of cancer that’s causing bony growths on his spine (this still needs confirmation with a biopsy, but it’s fairly clear that’s what’s occurring). So I’m dealing with this wound and remembering so many of my own. I find bone cancer fascinating–the eruptions of tissue gone mad that build channels of bone into places where they shouldn’t be. But even while it’s scientifically intriguing to care for Vasia’s wound, I also can’t help but feel sick to the pit of my stomach as I see and feel what’s happening to his body and compare it to my own experience with bone cancer, and remember the time I spent tracing the unusual tumor-contours of my right knee before my leg was amputated.
As I contemplated the emotional drain that it’s been to deal with his ailment (added to these other personal stresses that include fighting the flu all week long), I realized just how badly I wanted to get away for awhile (again). I found myself reviewing my calendar for the next few weeks and strategizing a way to squeeze in a roadtrip. I then started thinking of friends that I could visit on the way and began to make a mental list of people to email to see if they were around…Within a few minutes of thinking along those lines, I had a fairly well-developed plan.
But then I remembered my commitment to slow down a bit this year. To not be so eager to throw a bag in the car and hit the road. I want to do that, but there’s just something about traveling that clears my head and renews my spirit…when things are hard, I just want to go.
I’m going to try to stay put for awhile instead, but something tells me that I’ll probably be behind the wheel and squinting into the sun over the dashboard soon enough.
*Vasia isn’t my cat–I’ve been caring for him while his owner gets settled into a new home overseas. He’ll be winging his way to the UK within a few days, so I won’t be involved in his ongoing treatment.