Category: songs/poetry

  • not shining…

    As a reward for finishing up a big project today, I dusted off my latest netflix movie and settled in for some entertainment. I felt pretty sure I would like this movie because it’s about a piano player who plays Rachmaninoff.

    Well, Shine was a bit disappointing. Though I am always happy to see someone with a physical challenge (like mental illness) portrayed in a positive way, the writers came up with a maudlin and predictable plot. Not even the ugly-man-bare-buttock-humor was redeeming (unlike in Waking Ned Devine, A Room With a View, or Bean).

    More than anything I was annoyed that the piano scenes were awful. I wanted _real_ playing, not a poor imitation. And the concertos were all chopped up throughout the movie. What a shame.

    Not sure why this movie was Oscar material–feeling pretty disappointed in the sad, sad state of American cinema. Does anyone out there have any really great movies to recommend?

  • gentle

    Yesterday I went to GameBoy’s parent-teacher conference. At his teacher’s request, GB accompanied me to the appointment. What followed was 20 minutes of praise for my super-amazing son.

    GB truly is a wonderful human being. He’s humble, generous, thoughtful, smart, and full of delight. GameBoy never does anything halfway. He acts with his whole heart, body and mind. He doesn’t willfully break the rules, or lie, or deceive for personal gain. He is without guile.

    I worry, sometimes, what will happen to this sweet child as he enters middle school, as he moves on with his life and encounters people who will take advantage of his sincerity [Though this has happened a few times already, like the naughty boys who taught him the middle finger, but didn’t tell him what the gesture _really_ meant. Then GameBoy demonstrated ‘the bird’ in front of his 1st grade class and got in trouble. silly boys.]

    GameBoy definitely doesn’t take after me. He is his father’s son. Like GB, John is so honest that many people don’t know how to react to him, who is so compassionate [even I am often quite mystified by this sensitive creature that I married]. I found a poem a few years ago that always reminds me of John:

    There are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves

    There are men too gentle to live among wolves
    Who prey upon them with IBM eyes
    And sell their hearts and guts for martinis at noon.
    There are men too gentle for a savage world
    Who dream instead of snow and children and Halloween
    And wonder if the leaves will change their color soon.

    There are men too gentle to live among wolves
    Who anoint them for burial with greedy claws
    And murder them for a merchant’s profit and gain.
    There are men too gentle for a corporate world
    Who dream instead of Easter eggs and fragrant grass
    And pause to hear the distant whistle of a train.

    There are men too gentle to live among wolves
    Who devour them with apetite and search
    For other men to prey upon and suck their childhood dry.
    There are men too gentle for an accountant’s world
    Who dream instead of Easter eggs and fragrant grass
    And search for beauty in the mystery of the sky.

    There are men too gentle to live among wolves
    Who toss them like a lost and wounded dove
    Such gentle men are lonely in a merchant’s world
    Unless they have a gentle one to love.
    -James Kavanaugh

  • the sweater song

    I have a favorite sweater that I really like to wear
    Even on days when it’s covered with the kitties’ hair.
    I’ve had it for 5 years and I’ve changed the buttons twice
    It’s been to France and England, and it’s been in snow and ice.
    I put it in my closet, hiding it from view.
    Hoping to stop wearing it because it’s looking quite un-new.
    But when it’s cold and dreary, or when I need a hug,
    It’s my soft and threadbare sweater that I really, really love.

    Written in less than 5 minutes by me. In the few minutes I had today between picking up the kids from school and taking E to girl scouts.

  • finale



    Another night with the Pacific Symphony. Carl St. Clair conducted–his long gray hair flying all about as he leapt around on the podium. I told John that in some ways he looks the very caricature of a conductor–his movements so exaggerated, his whole body leaping dramatically around the stage. But he remains a complete joy to watch.

    Tonite was all-Tchaikovsky. The first piece his No 1. concerto in B flat played by a recent Van Cliburn silver medalist. Beautiful & breathtaking.

    Then at intermission E and I made the mistake of getting in line for hot chocolate (for her, not me) after using the restroom. It was about 50 degrees and windy in the stadium and E was freezing in her fleece. It seemed the right thing to try to get a quick warm beverage for her. Big mistake, tho. As a result we missed the final call for seating and had to sit outside the stadium (where we couldn’t see a thing!) for Swan Lake. We entirely missed the ballet performance. I was crying as I pleaded with the usher to let us in. To no avail. [FWIW: John had never seen ballet close up before. I think he was a bit shocked. He said the male dancer in his body-baring tights had muscles where he didn’t know muscles even existed…And to think that I missed all of that–Sheesh! :) ]

    But fortunately we were able to take our seats for the finale: the 1812 overture complete with cannon fire and fireworks. There was a full moon and the cannons were shooting off adjacent to our seats. They shook the whole amphitheater. It was awesome. Cannons rock! The moon had risen and was just barely visible through the red haze of the display overhead. John tried to take a quick picture (the moon is the glowing white thing in the pic above), but it’s almost impossible to capture that kind of scene on film–the shutter speed too slow, the fireworks exploding so quickly.

    What a great end to a great season. I fear it may be years before we can afford orchestra-level season tickets at the symphony again. But I am so glad for these summer concerts and hope to be able to squeeze in a few individual performances again soon.

    It seems, in a way, a frivolous thing to pay the outrageous prices of the Pacific Symphony (or any other local symphony, for that matter). Especially when the same amount of money could be used for more important things. I tell myself that I could just buy a CD and listen to it real loud and pretend that I am hearing it live [and then I wouldn’t have to put up with our neighbors who fiddle with plastic bags during performances, or fight for parking spaces, or cry in front of ushers who won’t let me back in after intermission].

    But the CD just can’t compare. I want the real thing: the cannons, the tights, the conductor, the family, the summer, the stars, the fireworks…the memories.

  • tap

    Tonight our family enjoyed a night of movie music at the OC Pacific Symphony. They showed clips from famous musicals on a large screen above the orchestra as they played the accompanying musical score. What fun!

    The evening began with the music from 2001–the opening scenes with “Thus Spake Zarathustra.” I forget how powerful those scenes are until I hear them again. My familiarity is, of course, aided by the many replays of such scenes on Sesame Street. :)

    Then they played some music from Brigadoon (lovely) and the dance scene from “Singin in the Rain.” E wasn’t the only one who couldn’t help but hum along. I found that I’d forgotten just how lovely Gene Kelly looked in that movie until I saw him on the big screen (probably my only chance ever to see it on anything other than video or DVD). Following that was a passionate and tragic waltz from Madame Bovary (accompanied by breaking glass–the foley artists must have had fun with that one).

    The big finale was the ballet scene from An American in Paris. Though there’s a part of me that’s rather repulsed by the over-the-top stylization of such scenes, my love for Paris and my fondness for the score, and the thrill of the big screen made it a great experience. Again, Gene Kelly blew me away.

    Somewhere in the middle of the show–I think during Singin in the Rain–a forgotten memory resurfaced. When C was 3 I found a pair of boy’s tap shoes, sans laces, just his size at a yard sale. I bought them and threaded some old sneaker laces through the eyelets and presented them to C. I don’t think there was ever a more delighted 3 year-old as the moment that he put on these shoes and stepped out onto our linoleum floor! It was a good thing we lived downstairs because we discovered that C could really DANCE. He danced loud and he danced long in those shoes. By the time he grew out of them they were just the right size for his sister to shuffle around in and so we had a reprise of the fun with her. When we moved from 306 University Village we left behind a kitched covered with black smudge marks–eveidence of many hours of fun.

    So funny that I’d forgotten. A part of me hopes that I have C on video somewhere tapping. Tho I’m sure he’d be mortified–especially if he was wearing one of his favorite dancing outfits, the one with the cowboy hat on his head, his striped t-shirt and his winnie-the-pooh underpants. Back then I wondered if I had another Gregory Hines or Gene Kelly on my hands. He had such rhythm and passion in those little feet of his! But a part of me was really afraid of having a tap dancing son–what would that mean? Would he be a starving artist, would he dance in STOMP, or Riverdance, or ??? Would he be gay? Would he be teased and ridiculed by other boys??

    Now I’m sure that C has no plans to hit the stage. Though he enjoyed the symphony tonite he didn’t seem overeager to find a new pair of tap shoes (despite John’s encouragement). But a part of me wonders if his early incination was naturally squelched as C moved on to other interests, or was it a subcounscious effort on the part of us, or of society, to channel him into more ‘appropriate’ pursuits?

  • russian

    I knew that my passion for Rachmaninoff was pretty deap-seated, but I was still downright surprised with my quiz results…

    If I were a Dead Russian Composer, I would be Sergei Rakhmaninov.

    I lived in the early Twentieth Century and was well known for my compositional, conducting, and piano skills, yet I am melancholy despite this talent. My famous works include my nearly-impossible piano concerti.

    Who would you be? Dead Russian Composer Personality Test

  • Make me smile…

    Take me to hear Rachmaninoff at the symphony. And not just any old piano player, but make it Alexander Kobrin, the 25 year-old Russian boy-wonder. And make the music be Rach’s Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini. And watch me hold my breath until it’s over and then cry because it’s over…
    and then smile :)