Category: if this is you

  • lesson learned

    Before you spend a lot of time working the garden this Spring, do me a favor and go get your tetanus booster (and while you’re at it, get that diptheria and pertussis stuff, too).

    Because if you’re in the garden, working alone, and you happen to get a long piece of rusty metal embedded in your leg (the organic one, not the fake one), well you might have a bit less of a total freakout if you’ve had the shot.

    And if you don’t, you might just end up spending the afternoon sitting in a germy, all-vinyl doctor’s office instead of being home with your leg propped up on comfy couch pillows, cold drink at your side.

    Sigh. Lesson learned.

  • pilgrim classic: if this is you…


    JOY :), originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

    Originally posted 2/26/07:
    If you have just finished shopping and you are trying to balance all six bags of groceries along with your purse, half an eggplant brie sandwich, a bag of sour gummies from Sweet Tooth, and your bike lock in your back basket. And as you are stretching the bungies across your taller-than-usual load, you pause for a minute and enjoy the incense wafting from the yoga studio next door. And if this is you, then the moment will be beyond perfect when you discover that someone you love has left a petite bouquet of pink poesies in your gearshift knob.

  • if this is you…

    hermioneIf tonight after yoga, as you were supine on the floor in corpse pose, you remembered something long forgotten. An embrace. A special hug in your dorm room way back in 1990. An ordinary hug, perhaps, but with an extraordinary significance. As you wrapped your arms around your new beau, you closed your eyes and immersed yourself completely. Time stopped, as every cell in your body memorized the orientation of its organelles right then. For that very hug. And you remembered that for the two years after that embrace, when you were missing your beloved so desperately and almost gave up thinking that two years was just TOO LONG, the universe reversed and you were there once again, holding him in your arms.

    And if this is you, you will know that when you said good-bye to CatGirl this morning–as she headed off for a week of mountain adventure–you memorized your parting hug in that very same way. Burying your nose in the crown of her french-braided hair. Knowing that that one hug would need to hold you for several days. And resisting the urge to swoop her up on your lap and sing her a lullabye and tell her that she is just too young, too young to go. And at the same time, bursting with pride at this strong creature with the grace of an egyptian goddess-cat, the strength of a lioness, the mental acuity of her(now lonely and forlorn) TobyJoy, and an empathy large enough to embrace the entire animal kingdom.

  • pilgrim classic: the real me

    Originally appeared on April 18, 2007:

    No pretty flower picture today. Because it’s come to my attention (thanks to my Outhouse friends) that my online persona doesn’t really match up with “me.” For all of you who only know me online and might have this rosy-colored view of Jana, well this is for you:

    -I like fart jokes. I make at least one potty-humor comment at dinner each evening.
    -My house is a mess. When I cleaned out the fridge last week I found a ton of stuff that had expired in December of last year.
    -I like to swear & cuss, especially around John. I’m downright sailor-ish at times.
    -I can touch my tongue to my nose and I will perform this “skill” for just about anyone, just about anytime.
    -I can be pretty mean. I have strong opinions about most topics and I use big words in an attempt to demean those that I’m arguing with.
    -I frequently snort when I laugh.
    -When I run into my old boyfriends I often, rather heartlessly, ignore them.
    -Sometimes I use my disability as an excuse when I am perfectly capable of doing things. It’s just my way of getting out of things that I don’t want to do.
    -During the middle of the day while the kids are at school and John’s at work I frequently do my schoolwork sitting in bed in my underwear. Ignoring the door or the phone. Come to think of it, I rarely answer the phone anytime of day. And I’m horrible about returning messages.
    -I don’t like it when people interrupt me when I’m on email.
    -I run red lights when no one else is around.
    -I bike in ‘no biking’ areas of campus.
    -I have a double-chin, but I don’t post photos that show it.
    -I enjoy the attention that my ‘different’ body brings. I can walk down the street showing my bionic leg and know that nearly every eye is on me. There’s a headiness to getting so much attention.
    -In yoga class I’m rather proud that I’m better at many of the poses than the ‘able-bodied’ participants.
    -Sometimes when John is working on something that’s important to him I distract him with sex.
    -I kiss my cats more than my husband.
    -I manipulate people (especially men) by smiling at them and saying what I think they want to hear.
    -If you go out to lunch with me, I will probably dominate the conversation.
    -I am frequently uncomfortable with the way other people smell.
    -My garden is a big mess of weeds right now. Taking flower pictures is my way of avoiding the ugly needs-work spaces.
    -I usually drive my kids to school while I’m still wearing my pajamas.
    -I buy things online because I don’t want to be hassled with having to go to a brick & mortar store.
    -Sometimes I assign my kids to do the chores that I don’t want to do myself.
    -I almost never have any money in my wallet because I don’t want the hassle of going to an ATM or getting cash back at the store.
    -I throw away loose change that I find around the house rather than having to put it in a receptacle and roll it for deposit at the bank.
    -Sometimes I use schoolwork as an excuse when I want to evade a previous commitment.
    -I wrap my leg around John’s legs at night even though I know he doesn’t like it much. And I don’t let him reciprocate.
    -I’m not always careful about separating other family members’ laundry by color and fabric although I get really annoyed if they aren’t careful with my clothes.
    -If I buy a container of fresh pineapple, I usually eat it all myself even though CatGirl really likes it, too.
    -Sometimes I’m too lazy to turn off the bathroom light before I go to bed even though I know it makes it hard for John to sleep.
    -I’m not nice in the mornings.
    -I play games to win.

  • if this is you…

    If you are sitting in your rocking chair, reeling just a bit because this weekend has just flown by…and yet you can’t help but smirk when you think about your interaction at the Farmer’s Market yesterday. There you saw an FFA club from your high school selling pumpkins. You told them that Bakersfield High School was your alma mater and bantered a bit, reminiscing about the campus (Once a Driller, Always a Driller). One of the ‘cooler’ young boys that was lounging in the back said, ‘I doubt it was that long ago, was it?’ Well, if this is you, you really enjoyed seeing his jaw drop when you told him that you were class of ’89. And you smiled a bit his reply:
    “Wow, um, yah, that really was a long time ago….”

  • if this is you…


    Jana’s playground., originally uploaded by mind on fire.

    If you are curled up in a pajama-clad ball on your cozy purple sofa, reliving the memories of the past week as you sift through photos and unpack your suitcase. All the while feeling so so tired, having gotten home at 3:30am Boston time and then back up again at 6:30am SoCal time to get the kiddoes off to school (note: though most of what I did was just redirecting their attention to their tasks as I sat on the LR floor and just enjoyed home and chatted with Mom about the week).

    If this is you then you are marveling that a week can be so short and yet so long. That your life is forever altered from having walked the streets of history and having communed with such awesome friends. But at the same time knowing that the very most important moment of it all was when you walked into the kiddoes’ room and reached out and held their warm soft hands, hardly able to wait until they would wake up in the morning so you could see their smiles once again.

    This photo by John shows me in tourist-mode: the camera like a prosthetic on my hand, reaching out to document all that I saw, such as in this moment in the Granary Burying Ground. I like the way my upper arm muscles are looking all strong in this photo :)

  • if this is you…

    If it is nearly midnite and your body is aching nearly everywhere because of packing, lifting, cleaning, reaching, and walking. And you are now stretched out on your cozy chair, checking email for the first time in three days. And every once in awhile you look up and around your ‘new’ living room and remember the drama of your friends unrolling the magic red carpet and arranging the furniture that made this nice place into a *home*. Well if this is you, you just found yourself thinking back to that cozy little place across the street where you’ve lived the past five years. And you wonder if the next residents will know what those initials and handprints in the front sidewalk mean? And will the painters even pause a moment when they see a row of pencil marks and dates along the edge of the wall marking my kids’ changing height? And will those few rooms be somehow, always, marked with the memory of us even when all of the superficial evidence is gone?

  • if this is you…

    If your bionic leg is in the shop for repair (new socket and a few minor tweaks) and your bike is in the shop for repair (new chains, tune up and brake adjustment) and so you are rather lazily lounging on your comfy purple couch planning your trip to Boston this Fall (woohooo!), well if this is you, you might just want to spend a few minutes browsing the pics on this site. Especially the ones of Ewan McGregor. Because kilts rock. Yah. :)

  • if this is you…

    If you are looking at your left foot and realizing that your smallest toes are the same color as the purple chair that you are sitting on (having dully tripped on a chairleg and broken and/or horribly sprained those particular toes yesterday), and you are feeling glad that you were able to wear a shoe for long enough to teach and do some overdue paperwork this morning (fortunately it was the last day of classes and few students cared about staying after the Final Review Sheet was handed out), you are also feeling pleased that this afternoon you could finish your shade garden planting project on the back porch (while sitting down, foot elevated), and that John can attend CatGirl’s school event in your stead tonite. You are feeling worried because you have an appointment to get your snappy Reader’s badge at the Huntington Library tomorrow morning and know that will involve more than a bit of walking and you don’t want to cancel because you’ve been anticipating this event for years (plus you have a ride up with a friend and the drive promises some great grad-student gossipy conversation). Well, if this is you, I suggest that you have GameBoy work on dinner (portobello mushroom ravioli in a butternut squash sauce-yum!)while you sit here a moment with your feet up. Take a deep breath and realize the peace that you’ve been feeling since you tripped yesterday and you’ve been forced to move a little slower. And remember that slow can be very good…and then have a spot of tea w/milk in your favorite mug and…just breathe. :)

  • if this is you…

    If you are propped up in bed, surrounded by soft pillows and a purring kitty at your side–TobyJoy knowing that its cuddle time because GameBoy is playing his cello (she demands lovin’ whenever he practices). And as she turns on her back for a belly rub you remember the hummingbirds who were buzzing all around your garden this afternoon–including the one that nearly landed on your shoulder and the one who bathed in the curl of a rose bush leaf as you lightly sprayed water above her head. And you are still enjoying the warm glow of a relaxing afternoon: you watched Finding Forrester on DVD (rather pat plot, but with a surprising tenderness from Sean Connery), drank a soul-warming cup of green tea infused with cherry blossoms, and composed a new silly song to sing to CatGirl (to the tune of “She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain”) as the two of you brainstormed a perfect colonial-girl costume for her upcoming school play. And if this is you, then you’ll feel a bit of regret as you realize that you’ve been lax in remembering to take your camera to the garden. So you’ll mentally commit to doing so tomorrow, as there are oh-so-many poppies, sweet peas, and roses just begging for photos.

  • if this is you…

    If you were a young girl who insisted that her favorite animal was a platypus, because you didn’t want to like dolphins or dogs or ponies like everyone else, and because you knew the name of your favorite animal should be nearly as fascinating as the animal itself–just saying platypus evoked its uniqueness (this was before you learned of echidnas, but is it a surprise that your son would someday count them as his favorite creature?). If this is you, then you might understand why this girl was delighted to receive the gift of a plush platypus from a Mom who just returned from exploring the underside of the globe. :)

  • if this is you…

    If you slept in a bit this morning after a fitful night of bad dreams and awoke at about 9-ish to spend some time with CatGirl and helped her make a sparkly red beaded bracelet, then you went to the garden and piddled around filling gopher holes, watering seedlings, pulling weeds, watching hummingbirds, and giggling at EllyCat’s transformation from a black&white kitty to a dusty brown one (as she rolled and rolled and rolled in the dirt). If this is you, when you come home to meditate on “whirrled peas” with your family and break your fast, make sure you drink a cup of Morrocan Mint tea just after your prayer, as it will both soothe and awaken your senses.