Category: friends

  • Some Friend-ly Sabbath links


    —An excerpt from some thoughts on Quaker silence:

    By and large Quakers tend to be busy people, and you rarely find them wondering how to occupy their time. They would, however, be the first to recognize how essential it is for them to have periods of disinvolvement, even from the activities which express their continuing concern to care for people …. In our disinvolvement two elements will be present. First is a kind of detachment that while standing back, accepts all experience in the hope of transcending it- seeing beyond it creatively. Secondly a cessation from all mental activity so that the body and mind are as still and quiet as possible.

    —A Quaker Pioneer: Ann Preston, early woman doctor

    —A method for silent worship.

    —Ways of Worship from JohnW’s grandma. An excerpt:

    I think of myself like the tree planted by the “rivers of water” in Psalm 1, sucking up God’s gift of life and being restored.

    —A Quaker Home Blessing: (Someday this may be framed and hanging in my front doorway)

    LET the guest sojourning here know that in this home our life is simple. What we cannot afford we do not offer, but what good cheer we can give…we give gladly.

    We make no strife for appearance sake.

    Know also, friend, that we live a life of labour, therefore, if at times we separate ourselves from thee, do ye occupy thyself accordingly to thine heart’s desire.

    We will not defer to thee in opinion or ask thee to defer to us. What thou thinketh ye shall say, if ye wish, without giving offense. What we think, we also say, believing that truth hath many aspects, and that love is large enough to encompass them all.

    So, while ye tarry here with us we would have thee enjoy the blessing of a home, health, love and freedom, and we pray that mayst find the final blessing of life. PEACE

  • Bibliophilia


    My book-loving friends:

    I have a proposal for a pilgrim book group*, where we (meaning all of you interested pilgrimgirl readers out there) could select a text and have a book chat together. Similar to the Mindonfire book group, our discussion would include meetings online, in person, and via webcam.

    I would like to propose that we begin our group with two readings from Ursula LeGuin:
    1) her short story “The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas”
    2) her novel The Dispossessed.

    I chose these particular works because both grapple with utopian communities and the limitations of such.

    Ok, so I know it wasn’t very democratic of me to choose the first readings myself, but I hope y’all won’t hold that against me. So please chime in if you’re interested in joining in the discussion and then we’ll make some more concrete plans for structuring our analysis of LeGuin’s stories.

    *Thanks go to RyanH for being the catalyst for this group

  • birds of a feather

    Today we attended a luncheon and prayer service at a local mosque. A lovely experience–learning about the faith and practice of our Muslim friends. Bonny wrote a lovely summary of her impressions. I found the most provocative part of the visit was joining the women in midday prayer. We covered our heads with scarves, knelt on the lushly carpeted floor, and observed. The women’s space was far off to the side from the main mosque room. The men’s room was richly adorned with curtains, symbols, and the like. The women’s room was completely plain except for a small cupboard with some well-worn books stacked in haphazard piles and a small stash of folded white polyester headcoverings for women who’d forgotten theirs. From where we sat and stood, we couldn’t even see the speaker who voiced the prayers.

    On the drive home from the mosque we encountered this cloud up ahead:

    Then, as we got closer we saw this:

    And then this:

    And this older gent shaking whole bags of crumbs out of crumpled bags in his grocery cart. It was obvious that these birds knew this man–their numbers were far too large for this to be a chance meeting.

    We circled around the block to watch this spectacle until it was over. He balled up the empty bags and headed down the street alone.

    And John and I resolved that when we are old, we will feed the birds.

  • speaking of prayer…


    This week at the class formerly-known-as-Institute, I led a discussion about prayer and fasting. I gained much insight from my class members and I felt spiritually fed in the process. My Friend John-with-an-h attended the class and has written about about his experiences here and here. Another attendee, JourneyGal, shared her thoughts about the class here.

    I’ve also addressed prayer in my ExBlog post this week, which some of you might enjoy.

  • I have a dream…


    Or rather, I had a dream…
    When I was a girl, I imagined myself with 8 children (yes, eight!). In my mind I saw the family seated around a big brown table, eating dinner together each evening. I imagined loud laughter, lots of frivolity, arms reaching across the table, everyone comfortable together. I was seated with my spouse at the head of this table, proud of the wild brood that we’d created.

    Okay, that is so not going to happen. For so many reasons. The first of which is that having babies is just much harder work than I ever imagined way back then.

    But the other day I was sitting at our big brown table surrounded by nine friends. We were eating together and were all set for a night full of boardgames. As I quietly counted each person I felt this huge wave of deja vu. Like this was something I had lived before. And it was then that I realized that my dream was fulfilled. Not by giving birth to eight children, but by opening our home to our old & new friends.

    I love knowing that so many different people have sat around our table and that I can call each them my friend. I am looking forward to many, many more pleasant memories with the folks who gather at our hearth (both literally and metaphorically through our online communities). Like that well-worn phrase that says mi casa et su casa, please know that there’s always a spare chair that we can pull up to our table just for you. :)

  • can’t. stop. posting. today….

    A meme from alisonwonderland:
    I’m tagging everyone on this one–answer either in the comments or on your blogs (but please do leave a comment here if you reply to the meme):
    Tanya, John, JohnW, Caroline, Margi, Amy, Deborah, Brooke, Christi, Seymour, Dora, BIV, Lorell, RyanH, Elise, and the rest of you readers out there… :)

    1. Eggnog or hot chocolate? Umm…tea. Duh.

    2. Does Santa wrap presents or just put them under the tree? Wraps them. He used to wait until Christmas Eve for them to appear. But this year they appeared about Dec 1st.

    3. Colored lights on the tree, or white? White.

    4. Do you hang mistletoe? I wish. Anyone have some for me?

    5. When do you put your decorations up? I aim for T-Day weekend, but it’s usually later than that.

    6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? John‘s clam dip, Mom’s rolls, yams, and rotkohl.

    7. What’s a favorite holiday memory from your childhood? Hmmm…maybe this goofy little Santa play that my big sis and I wrote and acted out when we were about 8&9 years old. I was Santa–wearing my bright red Danskin turtleneck and pants. And Becky dressed up as a reindeer in her brown velveteen jumper (with a lipstick-red nose)

    8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I don’t remember. As far back as I can recall Mom was puting the gifts under the tree.

    9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes.

    10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? With homemade ornaments, origami cranes, paper flags from all the countries that we’ve visited, and a slew of applesauce-cinnamon ornaments to make everything smell yummy.

    11. Snow! Love it or dread it? Love visiting it. Dread living in it

    12. Can you ice skate? Not anymore.

    13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Every year I had a different favorite.

    14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you? Tradition and family time.

    15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Just about anything pumpkin-ish.

    16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Saving up the Halloween candy for making gingerbread house-ish creations (just you wait, I’m already planning the AVCT 3.0 gingerbread extravaganza this weekend–anyone wanna join in the fun??). Also, handmade Christmas gifts for my sibs.

    17. What tops your tree? A big golden bow. Someday I want something better, but the right topper just hasn’t found me yet.

    18. Which do you prefer – giving or receiving? I love it all as long as neither is too excessive.

    19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? I really love Sting’s “Gabriel’s Message.” I also love Harry Connick Jr and Amy Grant’s Christmas Albums–I can belt out every song! My favorite Christmas hymns are “Far, Far Away on Judea’s Plains” and “O Little Town of Bethlehem.”

    20. Candy Canes! Yuck or yum? Pretty yucky, IMO. I don’t like sucking on sugary candy because it makes my mouth feel all sticky and yucky inside. That said, though, I’m a sucker for anything toffee-ish.

  • AVCT 2.0

    Made another version of the Astro Veggie Christmas Tree for the Friends’ Christmas Party today. Added pineapple and maraschino cherries (thanks to JohnW) and cheese (thanks to John). It was, as before, the glory of the buffet line. Thanks also go to DavidK who definitely has the astro-veggie creativi-tree skillz.

    For those of you (like RyanH) who missed out on the construction of AVCT 2.0, a picture is worth a thousand words. :)

  • passing

    Last night I lost a friend to complications from breast cancer. She was a loyal friend, a Mormon historian, and an avid gardener. She and I met in an LDS writer’s group a few years ago. We shared a lot, including some deep thoughts about living with a disability and cancer. She wrote me about two weeks ago to tell me that she was ready to die now, a big change from her feelings when she was first diagnosed with terminal cancer.

    I won’t get to attend her funeral. I know none of her family members. These roses are for her.
    -Pause-
    A neighbor just rang the bell. When I answered it I saw a huge bundle of rosemary in his arms. He explained that he he had more clippings than he could use, and thought I would enjoy some.

    Rosemary, the herb of love and remembrance, is steeped in thousands of years of myth and tradition, known to have been used for magic, healing, and seasoning since the beginnings of recorded history.

    The herb was originally carried to funerals simply as a protector against infection. It soon became customary, however, for mourners to drop sprigs of it onto the coffin as a promise that they would not forget the deceased.

    “There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance,
    pray, love, remember.”
    (Shakespeare, Hamlet)

  • pleasure and pain

    So John and I had this absolutely crazy and lovely anniversary celebration. When we touched back to civilization this morning (meaning, when we were back into a wireless zone), I checked my email and discovered that my former editor at Irreantum died last night. This after a semi-truck spun out of control and smashed into her car a few days ago. Her teenaged daughter, perhaps paralyzed from the accident, is still in ICU. Whoa, tough news.

    Then, just after I returned home and gave my kiddoes huge squeezes and gave a prayer of thanks for their safety, I checked my email again and had a note from my friend Linda. Her doctors have given her 2 months left to live–liver failure seems imminent and she has gone off chemo so she can enjoy her last few weeks with her family.

    Last night John and I spent some time in a wild “secret garden” in the moonlight. It was scary and serene. When the paths were uneven or I was timid, John’s strong, warm arm was there to guide me. I suspect that I need to head to my own “secret garden” now. My plants are surely thirsty from my two days away, and I am feeling off-center, ungrounded. In need of a shoulder to lean on. In need of the deep peace of my garden place.

    And you would accept the seasons of your heart just as you have always accepted that seasons pass over your fields and you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
    ~Kahlil Gibran

  • blogfriends

    To all of you who I met during the Sunstone Symposium (and even those I didn’t get a chance to talk to):

    Would you mind leaving a comment with your name and the URL to your blog? I’d like to have the opportunity to get better acquainted with each of you by visiting your cyberhomes.

    Thanks!

  • why I blog

    I’m preparing to speak about Mormon feminist blogging in a few weeks. So as I’ve been mulling over various thoughts, I thought I’d make a list of the top 10 reasons why I blog….

    1)For reflection. Each time I sit at my computer to write a post, I reflect on my life and cull the gems that I feel are worth sharing. This affords the opportunity to recall joy, blessings, frustrations. I like these moments of examination, they offer great insight.
    2)For FUN. Often, blogging is play for me. I take an experience and try to render it in text. I experiment with phrasing, punctuation and pauses. I attempt to express humor and pathos.
    3)To tell it like it is. I like having the uninterrupted space to tell my stories. No one us cutting me off mid-sentence or censoring my words. It’s probably the narcissist in me that enjoys the blog as both soapbox and pedestal.
    4)To speak the unspeakable. On my blog I’ve often discussed my disability. This is a fairly taboo subject in mainstream culture. It’s empowering to me to tell the stories of my different body without framing them in terms of an inspirational or pity-full narrative. Yet, ironically, it is the parts of my life that are the most visible (my religious practice, my academic pursuits) that I discuss least often. I’m not yet sure why that is. (more on this in #10)
    5)To share pictures. I’ve just started really enjoying photography. I know our camera sucks and my photos are amateur-ish, but they bring me great joy. I love sharing my ‘lens’ with you.
    6)For community. Several of you, dear readers, know me only through my blog. Others of you are old familiar friends who like to continue to keep in touch through cyberspace. I cherish my virtual neighborhood. Your blogs and emails nourish me, your thoughts buoy me, and your comments affirm, challenge, provoke and validate my musings.
    7)For memory. What joy it is to scroll through my blog history and remember the fun things I’ve done!
    8)Because I’m a geek. Hmmmm….yes, I spend a good chunk of my day sitting at my laptop writing emails and composing blogposts. ‘nuff said.
    9)To mimic John. I’m not really the jealous type, but I saw all the benefits that he’s gotten from blogging through the years, and I wanted in on it, too!
    10)To be vulnerable. Though the personal essays and other opportunities I’ve had to share the intimate parts of my life over the past 10 years, I have often been afraid. I’ve been afraid to tell the truth as I see it, I’ve been afraid of offending, I’ve even been afraid of ‘discipline.’* But there is something so empowering about laying out truth bare. My truth-telling brings me closer to others, creates bonds with strangers, allows an intimacy that is both frightening and exhilarating.

    *I suspect that the reason I feel reticent to discuss school and church are because of fear of backlash. Within academia there’s a pretty high barrier to becoming personal and vulnerable. The LDS church has a history is censuring its more outspoken members, especially feminist women. So far, no one in the Mormon ‘Bloggernacle’ has been disciplined by church authorities for what they’ve written on their blogs, yet I am still wary. I love the freedom of the LDS community on the Net. I don’t want to see that change.

  • an xray blanket on my chest…


    From Jen’s powerful post about her bout with depression.

    “all i knew is that i was crying….alot…for no apparent reason.
    i was exhausted but i couldnt sleep. i couldnt eat. i was losing interest in everything. i was moody and couldnt think clearly and tried to find any reason to explain away the feelings i was experiencing. loud noises sent me through the roof and crowds made me want to scream.i didnt want to kill myself, but i wasnt going to be disappointed if the moon happened to fall out of the sky and land directly on my head. i felt like i wanted to crawl out of my skin. but mostly, it was the heaviness ~ as if someone had dropped one of those x-ray blankets the size of a house upon my chest.”