Jana Remy
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Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
Daily Archives

February 19, 2007

deep thoughts

saint or sinner?

[Full disclosure: I kifed this book from John’s pile this morning. And I am ‘stealing’ one of its ideas for this post.]

Are you good? Are you bad? A host of consequences hangs on the answer. Yet, a brief experiment can easily convince you that the question, so grave in appearance, has little foundation.

Consider how you spent yesterday. Retrace the main events, how one led to the next, and, as far as possible, reconstruct the thoughts that went with them hour after hour.

From this reconstruction, consider your attitude. Not objectively. In a partial, exagerated, and tendentious way. Note first the extreme magnanimity of your smallest actions. Be a benevolent judge of your innermost thoughts. Look how devoted you have been, how attentive, altruistic, sympathetic, humane, supportive, charitable, etc

And then do exactly the reverse. Force yourself to discern, in your acts and thoughts during that day, the obvious signs of perversity, your ability to harm, your taste for destruction, your fundamental wickedness…

And then, if you have carried this out completely enough, try believing in moral judgements and the searchings of conscience. What have you learned?

A bit of my experience (note: somewhat sanitized to avoid speaking of particular interactions w/ppl who might be reading my blog):
The Saint
In worship yesterday I felt lightness, love, goodness. A closeness with the spirit. I reached out to newcomers after Meeting. I ate lunch with friends and enjoyed their thoughts and their humor. I ate a divinely-tasty egg salad sandwich. I spent time interacting with my kids and John in the afternoon. I did the family’s laundry rather than spending time on my own tasks. Assembled a favorite salad to share with friends at dinnertime. Was gracious to Friends for their hospitality, etc, etc.
The Sinner
Slept in and was grumpy in the morning, as usual. Was testy with John and the kids because I was ready for Meeting before they were. Got to church late, despite having arranged to meet newcomers there beforehand. Resented some disruptions during worship. Had difficulty quieting my mind. Thought mostly of myself and all I want to/need to do. After meeting, left fellowship early to spend time with my friends. Ate egg salad sandwich for lunch w/no remorse about consuming animal protein. After dinner, poked fun of 50s movie and traditional Quakers. Tried to be funnier to impress friends. Thought more about how I was feeling than about others. Didn’t reach out to those I didn’t know well.

Upshot:
More than ever I agree with C.S. Lewis that:

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations–these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit–immortal horrors or everlasting splendours.

It seems to me that we are, all of us, both gods and devils simultaneously. We are selfish and selfless in the same moment. And as such, we should be gentle with judging ourselves, and also with judging others.

February 19, 2007
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Make me smile…
make me smile

Make me smile…


–Rubbing Burt’s Bees Foot Salve on all of my sore places tonite and enjoying the rich scent of coconut & hint of mint. Knowing that it will feel much better in the morning.
–Watching “Friendly Persuasion” with some new and old friends after enjoying a tasty home-cooked meal.
–One of the mother’s of CatGirl’s classmates calling yesterday to tell me that her daughter wants to be CG’s friend because she is such a sweet girl. Followed by an invitation to a movie and dinner. And CG’s second social engagement of the weekend tonite: her very first slumber party. Dropping her off amid peals of laughter and reliving a few of my own ‘pajama party’ memories. Reveling in my daughter’s goodness and growth. Beaming with pride.
–Ellycat curled up in the basket of warm clean laundry next to me. Doing what cats do best.
–Driving home from Brea in the rain tonite. Praying for those in the two accidents we saw along the road. Feeling a rush of fear as we ended up in the middle of a high-speed car chase (bright helicopter lights shining above, policecar lights flashing all around). A quick exit off of the freeway and a deep sigh of relief. Then continuing home more slowly, quietly. Grateful.
–Knowing that my teeth are brushed & flossed, the bedcovers are turned down, and as soon as I finish this sentence, I will be curling up in bed with my John.
:)

February 19, 2007
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About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

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