I spent time with two different close friends yesterday and both said something similar to me about my life since separating from John. Both affirmed how much good has happened for me since then. One even went as far as to say that “only good has come of your splitting.”
I don’t know if I’d wholly agree that it’s all been “good.” After all, it’s been emotionally difficult (even traumatizing) to navigate the realities of sharing the custody of our children, and of facing the future without a spouse at my side.
However…I am the kind of person that tends to rebound quickly from setbacks. That’s a lesson learned from so many difficult experiences early in my life. And I was already headed on an exciting professional trajectory, which in some ways is only made smoother now that I don’t have a partner to negotiate with over the details of my choices, or to distract me from my goals. There’s an absolute headiness that comes from knowing that I’m charting my own course now, and can depend on my own strength to get me there.
I’m reminded of an experience I had taking a friend out paddling for the first time. Usually, I take it pretty easy on those who aren’t used to the physical toll of canoeing–it’s hard work! Often we don’t even make it to the PCH bridge, which is about a mile away from our launch point. However, this friend (a vibrant divorced professional woman) was a powerhouse in the canoe, despite not having an athletic lifestyle. When I asked her about it later, she said that she’d learned many years ago to do things herself: when she remodeled her home, landscaped her yard, and so forth. That being single taught her to tap hidden reserves of strength. I could see that when she paddled and I could see it in her life. And now….I’m learning that lesson, too.
5 comments
another good that comes from separating is taking with you the good characteristics of that person. when I divorced my first husband, I brought with me all his good traits and incorporated those into my life. when I married Phil, I found he had done the same thing with his first wife.
and the path we have taken throughout our life shouldn’t be with regrets but with knowledge that not only are we survivors but thrivers! we spin all that has been into our future path.
much love to you,
ee
Your friend’s insight is beautiful and accurate. I’ve been discovering similar reserves of strength in my own life, and an enhanced capacity to be fluid and adapt. I’m getting better at the big changes that come my way, like job loss, moving, and new surroundings. I would love to have a partner in life…but in the meantime, it has been pretty fulfilling to see what I’ve been able to do on my own.
Beautiful memory, and a good reminder that we’re stronger than we know. As painful as divorce is, I’m excited for you.
I’m finding that as well. My friends tell me I’m calmer and happier. I’m learning to do things my husband always did, like change the rear brake light and fix the toilet. It’s both overwhelming at times and very satisfying at times.
Good on ya.
I used to say to my kids that we cannot change the bad things that happen to us, but we can do something about what happens next, and to consciously grow and strengthen is choosing to make light out of darkness.
So glad that you have the ability to see and appreciate the opportunities you have; it seems to me that this is one of the most valuable things about creating those opportunities yourself (which you obviously have done beautifully!)