Jana Remy
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    • Disability
    • Making History
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      • dayofDH
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      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
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    • Blogposts About Teaching

Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
Monthly Archives

January 2012

random (happy) thoughts for a sunny Sunday afternoon
amputeemake me smile

random (happy) thoughts for a sunny Sunday afternoon

Some things that are making me smile today:

  • Ellycat napping in the warm laundry
  • Using the Matrix to book an upcoming flight to Europe (still can’t make up my mind whether to fly to Rome, Paris or Brussels, though)
  • Spending a few moments in a train station bright and early this morning.
  • A smooth brew from my new coffeemaker
  • The pleasure of reading a great novel, each paragraph a delight.
  • Huge fresh scallops lightly seared on each side on the grill, each one a mouthful of Cape Cod memories
  • Finishing up that one last dissertation chapter(!)
  • Fixing my son’s bike, and taking it for a spin (it’s been way too long since I’ve been on two wheels)
  • Getting Things Done (I do so love checking things off of my to-do list!)
  • This one will be hard to explain to anyone who doesn’t understand the mechanics of my right leg’s socket suspension: but today I got a new liner in the style that I used to wear–with one wide seal rather than a row of four small ones.  Putting it on was comfortable like slippers.  And then realizing that the other style was probably contributing to so much of my discomfort for the past few years, especially my inability to hold suction when riding a bicycle–it’s hard for me to explain how much small changes in my leg affect my level of comfort.  It’s sort of like the princess who couldn’t sleep well when there was a pea under her mattress–any little change in my leg makes everything else either more challenging or much less comfortable.  And given how reliant I am on my mobility, it’s quite satisfying to get a fix that makes things feel ‘right’ again.
  • Sunshine on the couch, sunshine on the porch, sunshine on my bare shoulders, sunshine so bright that it makes me eyes water.  :)
January 29, 2012
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things I like

Twitter Weekly Digest for @janaremy, 2012-01-27

  • Such sweet footwear idea for a bibliophile (like me!): http://t.co/irX5Z3bX #
  • My supervisor just brought me homemade bread pudding w/hard sauce for a midafternoon break. #ithinkihavethebestjobevar #mybossrockstoo #
  • An important piece at the Chronicle about valuing digital projects for tenure: http://t.co/mTysN0A9 #
  • Today's doctors have difficulty diagnosing old-school & now-resurgent infectious diseases: http://t.co/HUW6TL4B #
  • RT @MHpodcast: New podcast: Past Tense seminar Adam Arenson, part 2 http://t.co/5ajvYsJw #
  • Standing room only at the Past Tense seminar @thehuntington http://t.co/r883Pt6o #
  • RT @MHpodcast: New post: Past Tense podcast with Adam Arenson http://t.co/db4tmh6d #
January 27, 2012
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short shameful confession #18
ssc

short shameful confession #18

tired train ride home from first day
I was at a Happy Hour party last night with some colleagues at the cafe that’s in the local train depot. One colleague asked me if I’d been to that cafe before. I replied that I hadn’t been inside very often, but I regularly sat outside to watch the trains.

Oops.

Sometimes I get all relaxed and forget to hide my inner nerd. Sometimes I forget that normal people don’t plan their vacations and their lunch hours and their free time around train schedules. :)

MIND THE GAP
Lake District by trainClick here to see previous Short Shameful Confessions

January 24, 2012
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here it comes…
deep thoughts

here it comes…

Basking in a lot of happiness right now, enjoying how good it feels in contrast to past hurts, anger, and loneliness.

Care to sing along with me?

January 22, 2012
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things I like

Twitter Weekly Digest for @janaremy, 2012-01-20

  • Who is that crazy person grilling veggies & steak in her backyard when it's 45 degrees outside? #yum #
  • History writers: upcoming Past Tense seminar with Peter Stallybrass on Jan 20th, noon, @TheHuntington. Info/RSVP here: http://t.co/FL2qMQOL #
  • Young coconut in the shell (yum!) @ Number Nine http://t.co/Y81GUlKN #
  • Starting the day off right @ Portfolio Coffee House http://t.co/a0c99qee #
  • Pros & Cons for becoming more European (via @nytimes) http://t.co/myLPWCSf #
  • Jugo Vampiro (carrot, beet & OJ) @ Taco Mesa http://t.co/J2nyPQwX #
  • Happiness is…paddling with the dolphins on a cold clear morning :) #
January 20, 2012
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we write…(and I call it breathing)
songs/poetry

we write…(and I call it breathing)

We write to heighten our own awareness of life.

We write to lure and enchant and console others.

We write to serenade our lovers.

We write to taste life twice, in the moment, and in retrospection.

We write, like Proust, to render all of it eternal, and to persuade ourselves that it is eternal.

We write to be able to transcend our life, to reach beyond it.

We write to teach ourselves to speak with others, to record the journey into the labyrinth.

We write to expand our world when we feel strangled, or constricted, or lonely.

We write as the birds sing, as the primitives dance their rituals.

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.

When I don’t write, I feel my world shrinking. I feel I am in a prison. I feel I lose my fire and my color.

It should be a necessity, as the sea needs to heave, and I call it breathing.

February 1954, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 5

January 19, 2012
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mad world (or, songs in the big chair)
family

mad world (or, songs in the big chair)


My thoughts for this post have been germinating for awhile, so when I learned of Heather’s separation yesterday, it seemed time to tell the story (or at least, part of it)…

The four of us sat around the kitchen table sharing peppermint tea and scones, like we had so many times before.  Of course this felt both familiar and odd because it was the middle of the day and both Mom and Dad were home from work.  John sat at one end of the table, me on the other, and the kids on opposite sides between us.  At some point John told us that he had something to share and we all reached for each others’ hands to sit in silence as he prepared himself for what he had to say.

How funny, I remember thinking in that moment, that our family was so close and so functional that it made even a horrible discussion a thing of beauty.  There was no yelling and no anger, just him explaining to the kids that he’d made some choices that meant that he was leaving our marriage.  Watching the shock pass across the kids’ faces is something I won’t forget, and even thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.

After his explanation and some questions from the children, I told him that it was time for him to leave our home.  I saw him to the door.  I think I might have hugged him, but I don’t remember for sure if I did then, or even when we last touched.

Something beautiful and holy happened in those moments after he walked out the door.  The kids and I formed a circle of arms and held on and cried, and I remember thinking that now….finally…my family could be what I wanted it to be, because for so long I’d just given up on things because I was so tired of the silence and closed doors.

We didn’t do much at all for the next few hours, just curled up in the huge oversized chair in our living room and held on.  Gameboy went to his room to be alone for a bit and Catgirl stayed with me there.  I stroked her hair, as I had so many times when she was little.  Neither of us could talk much so I shared with her the playlist of songs that I’d made to get me through the days leading up to telling them about the divorce.  First up was Alex Parks’ version “Mad World,” and we ended up listening to that song over and over again that day.

Back in the mid-80s when I was diagnosed with cancer and the world seemed so arbitrary and cruel, I would listen to the Tears for Fears version of “Mad World” and it helped me to remember that awful things just happened sometimes and that it wasn’t my fault.  And I knew that if I kept listening, kept singing…I didn’t have to make sense of what was happening to me.  I could just know that life was just that…mad and painful and tough-as-nails.

For long after that day, the kids and I had tea when I walked in the door from work in the early evening–to share stories from our days and to reconnect with each other.  Occasionally I would set out four teacups instead of three, but I made that mistake less and less over time.

January 18, 2012
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that was just yesterday
family

that was just yesterday

Yesterday I visited a former teacher.  Over ten years ago, it was the first day of her “Journey Narratives” class (a lit class–we were reading The Odyssey and Gilgamesh and the like) that she looked out at the sea of students and asked us if we thought we were on a journey ourselves.   I think it was my hand that went up into the air first, and I spoke of the journey narratives that imbued my formative years–the LDS Saints’ westward trek in the nineteenth century, the wilderness wanderings of the Book of Mormon, etc.  And I said that I thought I was a pilgrim of sorts, on a spiritual journey to find something sacred inside of myself.  That conversation soon birthed this blog and not too long after led me to graduate school.

As we sat in her living room, she reminded me of the first time I visited her office hours.  Catgirl was a wee 3 year-old and had sat on my shoulders playing with my hair as I chatted with my professor.  She remembered that Catgirl admired her necklace because it had hand-blown glass beads that looked like candy.  As a bit of a distraction so we could discuss some questions that I had about the course materials, my teacher took off her necklace and let my daughter hold it (at the time, I thought it particularly generous gesture because it was obviously an expensive piece of jewelry).

Yesterday she gave Catgirl that beaded necklace as a “good luck” talisman for her plan to attend school in Europe next year.  Words can’t express how exciting it is to see my daughter taking her first steps on her own path.  And I still marvel at the generosity and support of a teacher who started me out on my own…

 

January 16, 2012
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Upcoming events
friendsoutriggerpodcast

Upcoming events

Two upcoming events that might be of interest to my followers in SoCal:

1) The Past Tense seminar at the Huntington Library with Peter Stallybrass.  Always a delight to listen to (such as in this podcast of his plenary at the Past’s Digital Presence conference), Stallybrass will be speaking on “What is a Book?  And how do we write about it?”  At noon in the Munger Building on January 20th.  RSVP to reserve a box lunch and to receive a copy of the pre-reading for the event.

2) Novice Open House for the IMUA outrigger paddling team.  Everyone is welcome to join us and try their hand at this sport. January 29th, 9-11am at NorthStar Beach (next to Newport Aquatic Center), Newport Beach.
SD Mission Bay race

January 15, 2012
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escape
bodydeep thoughts

escape

There have been a number of hard things happen this week.  One of which is that Vasia-kitty* has a large open sore on his back–so large and deep that you can see his spine fairly clearly.  On top of that he appears to have a type of cancer that’s causing bony growths on his spine (this still needs confirmation with a biopsy, but it’s fairly clear that’s what’s occurring).  So I’m dealing with this wound and remembering so many of my own.  I find bone cancer fascinating–the eruptions of tissue gone mad that build channels of bone into places where they shouldn’t be.  But even while it’s scientifically intriguing to care for Vasia’s wound, I also can’t help but feel sick to the pit of my stomach as I see and feel what’s happening to his body and compare it to my own experience with bone cancer, and remember the time I spent tracing the unusual tumor-contours of my right knee before my leg was amputated.

As I contemplated the emotional drain that it’s been to deal with his ailment (added to these other personal stresses that include fighting the flu all week long), I realized just how badly I wanted to get away for awhile (again).  I found myself reviewing my calendar for the next few weeks and strategizing a way to squeeze in a roadtrip.  I then started thinking of friends that I could visit on the way and began to make a mental list of people to email to see if they were around…Within a few minutes of thinking along those lines, I had a fairly well-developed plan.

But then I remembered my commitment to slow down a bit this year.  To not be so eager to throw a bag in the car and hit the road.  I want to do that, but there’s just something about traveling that clears my head and renews my spirit…when things are hard, I just want to go.

I’m going to try to stay put for awhile instead, but something tells me that I’ll probably be behind the wheel and squinting into the sun over the dashboard soon enough.

*Vasia isn’t my cat–I’ve been caring for him while his owner gets settled into a new home overseas.  He’ll be winging his way to the UK within a few days, so I won’t be involved in his ongoing treatment.
IMG_5734

January 14, 2012
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things I like

Twitter Weekly Digest for @janaremy, 2012-01-13

  • Dinner with the kiddos @ taco asylum http://t.co/P1rOH9sq #
  • Thinking about reading this book as a prelude to a Venice trip later this year: http://t.co/2q6Gr1zc Any other recommendations? #
  • Should we "kill" the methods class for History PhDs? http://t.co/WICfl28C, and a related "state of the field" article http://t.co/8Bpaj3Ih #
  • For my next road-trip: an app for driving directions with suggested stops http://t.co/xSfG1b2M #
  • Feeling thankful for the 'little things' this morning, such as being able to get the sick Vasia-kitty into his crate w/o too much drama :( #
  • Brunch! @ Britta's Cafe – University Center http://t.co/o0kLIj6h #
  • So insightful: "Disabled Bodies and the Parable of the Good Robot" http://t.co/HpSavwDj #cyborg #
  • My first pho! With rare beef (yum) @ Number Nine http://t.co/gfcqGpIR #
  • So proud of my ChapmanU History-329 students! (for winning a national award for their History eJournal): http://t.co/tZTXnIcd #
January 13, 2012
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Yosemite sun (is almost as pretty as the Yosemite stars)
Random

Yosemite sun (is almost as pretty as the Yosemite stars)



flare, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

January 11, 2012
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About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

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