Jana Remy
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Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
alone…
deep thoughts

alone…

written by Jana August 25, 2011

There was a time in my life when the “Footprints” poem resonated with me fairly deeply.  It was back in the day when I was going through cancer treatments and faced some pretty lonely moments–those times when there was no one who could step in and take my pain away, or make things any better.  The thought that God/Jesus was with me then was quite comforting.  I wasn’t ready to think that I was on my own in this big (and scary and painful) world:

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

Certainly that’s why I found the following tweet so amusing (as did many of my twitter and Facebook followers who re-tweeted and “liked” my post)…

RT @zyzyx1701d When asked why there was only one set of foot prints Jesus replied, "The Sand people ride single file to hide their numbers."
August 24, 2011 11:07 am via BrizzlyReplyRetweetFavorite
@janaremy
Jana

 

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be alone, and about how much I’ve been craving autonomy for the past several years.  In my marriage I was kept rather close by my spouse, which I struggled with.  In reaction, I developed a habit of ‘accidentally’ turning off my cellphone or letting the battery run down so I could be free from monitoring (I wanted to be out of contact).  Not that I was doing anything wrong, but I chafed at the feeling of surveillance and wanted to be where no one knew me and no one knew where I was.  It was certainly a reaction to mothering for so many years–always being accompanied by children (and/or spouse).  And it’s just one more reason that I began to enjoy traveling so much.  When I was in a different time zone and far away from the familiar, I had even more autonomy.

This past year I’ve had so many delicious hours of being alone.  Certainly there’ve been moments where being with someone meant everything to me and was perfect for the moment (and, oh, I’ve had me some fantastic adventures with new friends and romantic partners–what a time of life to be single & exploring every new possibility!)…But, for the first time, I’m feeling the power that comes from making my own choices and standing alone in life’s circumstances.  I’m making some mistakes along the way, learning lots, and making progress–one step at a time.  What a great feeling.

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2 comments

Kristen from MA September 2, 2011 - 12:19 pm

I am soooo stealing that line about the Sand people. That is awesome. :D

Reply
janaremy September 4, 2011 - 8:11 am

It is, I agree! :)

Reply

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About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

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