Jana Remy
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Jana Remy

  • Writing
    • Disability
    • Making History
    • Digital Humanities
      • dayofDH
    • Canoeing
    • Creative Nonfiction & Essays
    • Feminism
    • Bibliographies
      • Pacific Worlds Bibliography
    • Social Media
      • Mentions/Links
  • Scholarship
    • Awards/Fellowships
    • Conferences & Invited Talks
    • Collaboration
    • Workshops
    • Conference Planning
    • Technical Skills
  • Teaching
    • Blogposts About Teaching
deep thoughts

The Rules & My Rules

written by Jana May 28, 2011

Some of my single friends and I recently discussed The Rules, a handbook for dating based on traditional gender roles. I don’t want to give that book too much airtime here, because I think it’s hooey. However, you’re welcome to follow the link if you’re curious what The Rules are. So I decided to make my own list of Rules, and this is what I came up with so far (although I will admit that I’ve not followed any of these very rigidly…):

Don’t talk about dates on Twitter (or on your blog)
Do add your date as a Facebook friend
Don’t add date pics to Facebook (unless it’s a group date or a special occasion)
Do google your date before you meetup
First dates are over coffee
Second dates are lunch
Third dates are dinner
Don’t go to movies on dates
Pay for your half of the tab and expect your date to do the same
Do bring up a feminist topic on the first date to judge your date’s reaction
Don’t date anyone who doesn’t read books
Don’t date anyone who doesn’t cook
If a good date, follow-up with a friendly email or text message
Don’t talk about exes on dates
Do have fun and be yourself (don’t pretend to be someone you’re not)
Don’t date anyone who only talks about themselves
Don’t go rock climbing with someone who’s never been before

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5 comments

John White May 29, 2011 - 1:51 am

Rule 23

Reply
chanson May 29, 2011 - 6:50 am

Those seem like very good rules.

Reply
Melissa May 30, 2011 - 11:47 pm

These all seem good. But at what point does the ‘date’ turn into a ‘relationship’ ? that would be a good rule to have (as in, not before a certain point?)

Reply
Jana May 31, 2011 - 6:31 am

Melissa:

I have no idea. I’m so new at all of this that I’m not sure when that line is or should be crossed. Or if there should be some sort of relationship threshold point.

Except that it seems to me at that when you’re crossing into relatioship, that you might start setting new rules together rather than following any set pattern?

Reply
Leann June 11, 2011 - 11:25 am

YES! Finally put that book into context for myself (“traditional gender roles”) – and it says manipulation of the opposite sex (men!) is ok, when that is so not ok. Love your list – I am passing it on to my teenage daughters! Thanks.

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About Me

About Me

Hi there friend, and welcome to my blog. I started writing on the internet two decades ago. Since then I've started and finished a PhD program, left the Mormon church and became a Quaker, got divorced, remarried, found full-time work in academia, took up rock climbing and outrigger canoeing, and traveled across the globe (China! Belgium! Italy! Chicago! Montana! Portland! Gettysburg! and oh-so-many points in-between). This blog is eclectic and random--it has poetry and cooking and books. And cats. And flowers. And the ocean (my ocean). But in that sense it's a good reflection of me and my wide-ranging, far-reaching, magpie curiosity.

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