Monthly Archives

December 2009

what an amazing year it’s been! (a meme for you)

I’m following Bleeding Espresso’s year-end meme. Drop a comment if you play along–I’d really love to read your analysis of 2009!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
So many things: spoke at the AHA (the biggest baddest annual history conference), worked in the D.C. National Archives, paddled in my first outrigger canoe season culminating with my Catalina Crossing, testified at my husband’s LDS church trial for Apostasy, swam under the moon in Albuquerque, wandered the flats of Cape Cod, perused my own medical records in Denver, turned 38 years old & raised funds for Huang Meihua’s prosthetic legs, leaped into Walden Pond, dyed my hair purple…

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
The only one I made was to get limber enough to do the splits. I’m still working in that one…

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My youngest sibling. Her wee one is adorable!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My dear blogfriend Sara and my GrandmaB. I miss both of them dearly.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just the U.S. this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
My Ph.D. dissertation.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
9.9.09, the date of John’s ex-ing.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being present to the experiences that came my way.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Being short-tempered or impatient with my loved ones.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A nasty cough in August that kept me away from Sunstone. A torn bicep that almost kept me from competing in the Catalina race (oh and all that black-and-blueness for a week afterwards). Near-daily achiness from my paddling & cross-training.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My black tutu

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My kids. They rock the world.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The local LDS leaders (you might remember that I wrote a post about that, but later deleted it)..

14. Where did most of your money go?
Supporting our family.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I think I get really, really, really excited about almost everything, but particularly travel.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
See #38, below…

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
a) just as happy
b) just as fat (tho with a bit more muscle tone)
c) just as rich

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Skinny-dipping (just kidding–I’ve never actually done that)
Gardening

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing about things beyond my control, especially about the depressing job market for historians

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Relaxing at home with my family

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I think I fall in love nearly every day.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I watched a few episodes of Mad Men and it looks promising, but not worth getting caught up in right now.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
No idea. It was probably something about diphtheria (my current dissertation-related obsession)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Emily Wells, live & in person. That girl is a musical hypnotist!

26. What did you want and get?
Nearly everything (and more)…

27. What did you want and not get?
Such a complicated question, which doesn’t seem worth answering right now.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Ugh, I hate favorite questions. Harry Potter 6?

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 38 and celebrated the 25th anniversary of my cancer diagnosis in a spectacular way.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To get more work done on my dissertation.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Cheap, comfortable and eclectic. With an occasional corset.

32. What kept you sane?
Paddling. Home.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
AFP

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Healthcare, for everyone.

35. Who did you miss?
Sara. The world just wasn’t as exciting without her around to share things with.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Every new person that I met was the best. Seriously. And my old friends, they were the best, too.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Still learning this one, and doing a wee bit better at it this year!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
There’s just something about this song by Muse that grabs right around my ribcage and squeezes, making my heart beat that much harder, reminding me how very alive I am…

They will not force us,
They will stop degrading us,
They will not control us,
We will be victorious

Let me know if you do the year end meme!

December 29, 2009

Random

UCI Verano Ethernet Outage

I’m posting the letter that I received from the Verano Housing Office about the Ethernet outage, so those who didn’t receive this letter directly have the necessary information. Let me also note that from my personal research (from my informal network of friends and from walking around Verano to talk to other residents, this outage is for ALL Verano residents. If I’m wrong and you’re a Verano resident with Internet access, please drop a comment below):

December 26, 2009

TO: All Verano Place Residents
FROM: bchaney@uci.edu

RE: Ethernet Problems

If you are able to receive this message, please share this information with other Verano Place residents who may not have Ethernet access.

Problems:
We are aware of two Ethernet problems in Verano Place. The first is a certificate issue that should have been resolved last Tuesday. If you are getting a message to accept the Clean Access Certificate, please contact OIT (824-2222) for assistance.

The second problem, no Ethernet service to some sections of Verano, was reported last Thursday. At that time, the system showed over 900 active links, so while there is some service, there is a significant outage. The system has been checked remotely by two of our IT staff and on-site by another. Unfortunately, it appears that we will not have the resources to resolve the outage problem until January 4th.

Other Computing Resources
In the meantime, please be aware that the computer lab in the Engineering Gateway is available for round the clock use (except Tuesdays 2-4 am). Also, we are currently making arrangements to reopen the Verano Place Cafe (3300 Verano Place) during the break to provide a more local resource. There are 6 computers and wireless access if you would like to use your laptop. Staffing is being arranged, so hours are uncertain at this time. Please call before heading over (949-824-7981).

I will send an update if the situation changes.

Beverly

Engineering Gateway 1140 24 Hours/7 Days
(Closed Tues. 2-4 AM for Cleaning)

December 27, 2009

deep thoughts

I call it my “office”

Last Wednesday our Internet connection went down. Within a few days we learned that this was an outage affecting most of our neighbors, perhaps even thousands of on-campus apartments. This happened during the budget-mandated furlough at UCI, which means that all the IT people are on mandatory leave. There’s one measly helpline open, and they have no jurisdiction over the Ethernet systems in on-campus residences.

Then today we received an email letting us know that we’d likely not have Internet until Jan 4th. Sigh. But we also learned that one laundry room in our neighborhood has wireless (why a laundry room? Oh, wouldn’t I like to know!). So for now, this is my office–where I’ll be doing all the writing & research that I’d planned for the Winter break. It’s horribly inconvenient–I’ve been standing at the side of a washer typing away for the past 45 minutes. Talk about unergonomic! But, at least I’m connected and I can now get some small portion of my work done.

December 27, 2009

deep thoughts

I call it my "office"

December 27, 2009

mary monday songs/poetry

Mary Monday: Whom they souse

[Shhhh…don’t tell anyone that I’m actually posting this one on Tuesday]

My high school days were full of yearnings. Many of these were the typical yearnings of a teen: I wanted to achieve greatness and find my way in this big world. But some of these yearning were different, they were due to feeling trapped inside a body that yearned to move freely. Many of my dreams were about swimming…because water was the only place where I my body wasn’t hampered by gravity and a world made for bipedals.

I joined my high school swim team so I had a good excuse to be in the water for two hours per day. I also got certified as a lifeguard so I could work as a canoe instructor at summer camps. I swam in our backyard pool often, loving to float on my back and feel the sun on my body.

So when I fell in love with Whitman’s poetry I particularly loved his “Twenty-eight young men” poem. Of course I knew that it was highly sexually-charged (which also resonated with me on some levels*), but more than that, I knew the feelings of the woman at the window who was watching everyone else frolic and play as she stood by and watched. I knew what it was to spend my time imagining that I was joining in the fun, but was instead merely watching from behind the blinds.

This poem came to mind earlier this week as I was paddling alone in the Back Bay. I started reciting it in my mind (having committed it to memory long ago). I smiled at the fact that I’m no longer standing by and longing to leap in the water. Having an amphibious prosthetic limb has made me able to move in and out of the water with ease.

Twenty-eight young men bathe by the shore,
Twenty-eight young men and all so friendly;
Twenty-eight years of womanly life and all so lonesome.
She owns the fine house by the rise of the bank,
She hides handsome and richly drest aft the blinds of the window.
Which of the young men does she like the best?
Ah the homeliest of them is beautiful to her.
Where are you off to, lady? for I see you,
You splash in the water there, yet stay stock still in your room.
Dancing and laughing along the beach came the twenty-ninth bather,
The rest did not see her, but she saw them and loved them.
The beards of the young men glisten’d with wet, it ran from their long hair,
Little streams pass’d all over their bodies.
An unseen hand also pass’d over their bodies,
It descended tremblingly from their temples and ribs.
The young men float on their backs, their white bellies bulge to the sun,
they do not ask who seizes fast to them,
They do not know who puffs and declines with pendant and bending arch,
They do not think whom they souse with spray.

–Walt Whitman, Song of Myself, sec 11 in Leaves of Grass bk ii (1855)

*While I was looking for an electronic version of this poem, I happened upon this site, which pairs the poem with Eakins’ painting “The Swimming Hole.” John just happened to look over my shoulder at that very moment and got a good giggle out of my surreptitious viewing of nekkid men.

Previous Mary Monday postings

December 22, 2009

mary monday songs/poetry

Mary Monday: venting & poetry

Yesterday I posted a crowdsourced parody of the “12 Days of Christmas” song entitled “The 12 Woes of the Quarter” to the History Compass blog. It addresses some specific grievances from those of us grad students who’re struggling through the UC financial crisis. You might want to take a look. :)

Last night I attended an event that showcased various forms of e-literature, including much e-poetry. I was particularly taken by the work of David Jhave Johnston, and encourage you to spend some time perusing the work on his site and watching the piece below…(yes, I know it’s all wonky in the sizing, but hopefully it’ll all work anyways).

And then, as I walked home all full of poetry (and mango sticky rice–yum!) late last night, I became enchanted by the shadows cast by my own legs as I passed under streetlights. I was wearing a shortish a-line skirt that seemed to complement the asymmetrical shapes of my left and right legs. As the legs stretched out in the shadows, they looked rather like doll-legs. It was so strange to see them and feel as though they were a piece of art that was not connected to me. With my cameraphone I snapped one blurry picture, to share when I was feeling in that moment…

December 15, 2009

mary monday songs/poetry

Mary Monday: venting & poetry

December 15, 2009

Random

Mary Monday: This World

woodland walk, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

An excerpt from Mary Oliver’s poem “This World,”

I would like to write a poem about the world that has
nothing fancy.
Bu it seems impossible.
Whatever the subject, the morning sun
glimmers it.
The tulip feels the heat and flaps its petals open
and becomes a star.

December 7, 2009

outrigger

What’s your dream?

La Jolla OC-2, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

A few years ago I dreamed that someday I would start each day with paddling on the ocean. But I thought to myself how ridiculous that was given my physical limitations, the difficulty of actually getting to the beach on a daily basis, the expense of procuring a boat, etc. It seemed…impossible, implausible, impractical. Undo-able.

But I was so wrong. Life continues to teach me that my impossible dreams are my tomorrow’s realities. It’s not to say that it doesn’t take a wicked amount of effort to make it so (and that there will be many disappointments along the way–I can tell you that this past year had so many of those moments when I was so ready to throw in the towel)…But this is just one more example to me of the importance of dreaming, of hoping, and of working hard to accomplish a goal.

I’ll never be the world’s best outrigger paddler, but I am getting better every day and having so much fun as I get stronger. What an amazing feeling it is to see the improvement and the increase in my confidence on the water.

Picture of Robin & I just after our La Jolla race–our first ever in a 2-man outrigger canoe. It was hard work, but what a great feeling when it was over and we knew what we’d accomplished!!

December 6, 2009

Random

what lies ahead…

woodland walk, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

This morning I had a flashback to when I paddled to Catalina earlier this year. Some friends said that they’d pick me up at the island airport and fly me home (yay, friends!). In order to make the connection to meet them at the airport that’s up on the highest point of the island, I caught the last shuttle of the day up there. As the driver dropped me off at the airport he looked at me like I was a bit crazy. Clouds were rolling in around us & he warned me that small planes might not be able to land. So there I was, exhausted from my 5 hour race and toting a bit of gear, my paddle, and a pair of crutches (in case my fake leg had come off & floated away in the ocean or something like that). If my friends couldn’t land, I’d be sleeping on a bench (assuming that they’d let me do that). But I just figured it would work out. And it did–a gap in the clouds opening up just long enough for Graham to land and for us to be on our way home. And how thrilling that was!

So this morning I had another moment where I had that same sort of feeling, where I had to surrender the outcome of the situation to the universe. And hoping that if worse came to worse, I could probably find some kindly soul to lend a hand.

I feel like that’s an important lesson for me to learn–that I can’t always control the variables of my life, nor should I always try to do so. I just need to make my best effort and then let life happen without fretting too much about the worst-case-scenario.

What lessons has your life taught you lately?

December 3, 2009

outrigger songs/poetry

last night

Full Moon over the Back Bay, originally uploaded by mind on fire.

John captured this picture of the full moon over the Back Bay last night. I went out paddling by the light of this moon, which worked well until my rudder got stuck (the tide being so very low that I couldn’t navigate through a familiar route). I had to hop out of my boat and walk it back to deeper waters (brrr…it was a bit chilly to be soaked up to my waist!).

I feel so fortunate to have such beauty around me…and so many opportunities to enjoy it.

From Mary Oliver, “How Would You Live Then?”

…What if you saw
that the silver of water was brighter than the silver
of money? What if you finally saw
that the sunflowers, turning toward the sun all day
and every day–who knows how?, but they do it–were
more precious, more meaningful than gold?

December 2, 2009

making history

on being haunted, by history

For those of my readers who are interested in my history writing, here’s an excerpt from a recent History Compass post:

I’m a historian because I’m haunted. The words and names from the archives surface in my thoughts and dreams…as I immerse myself in their world, their stories become mine. Am I like a clan storyteller, curating and re-telling the memories from long ago? Or am I merely that eccentric cat lady with no life of her own, her piles of papers and a worn laptop offering ample space for escape from the real world? Though I now sit in an overstuffed chair in my suburban living room with the ambient sound of a lawnmower outside, I am not really here. I am at the sickbed. Hearing a young child’s chest heave and rise, reminding me of my son.

The cough brought our pediatrician running down the hallway. It was the third time I’d brought in my newborn baby out of concern for his stuffy nose and congestion. He had stopped nursing. There was the faintest tinge of blue at the corners of his lips.

Dr. Yu speedily unzipped my son’s pajamas, and placing a stethoscope over his tiny chest and heart. Then stepped back for a moment, watching the labored rise and fall of our son’s breathing, his ribcage dipping down nearly to spine each time he coughed. We all watched. Each intake of air a deep gasp from within his belly. What happened next is a blur of memory, my fear eclipsing exact recall. A rush to the nearest Children’s Hospital and an exam by an infectious disease specialist. Isolation due to the risk of contagion. Learning that our son was infected with a disease that was often fatal, with a name that only faintly registered in my memory: pertussis. As we were to learn later, it’s the “P” part of the DTP immunization that most babies receive at their two month checkup. Our baby was only four weeks old.

The specter in my research today is not pertussis, but a different letter of the vaccination alphabet. The “D” for diphtheria is hovering around my living room as I shuffle through the account of physicians’ failed attempts at treatment. The disease called the “strangling angel” caused leathery membranous wings to grow in the throat, eventually coating the mouth, nasal passages, and windpipe. Its sounds are much like those that I remember from pertussis: the forced breathing that is dreadful, but not as dreadful as the silence. Those long moments when all sound stops.

Click here to read the entire post.

December 1, 2009