“But friendship is the breathing rose, with sweets in every fold.”
~Oliver Wendell Holmes
December 2008
I realized something about myself recently. When I’m hurt by someone or something I tend to go into avoidance mode. As an example, one time someone humiliated me while we were playing charades. I haven’t been able to do a charade since then (although I will support others who want to play) and for many years I lost interest in party games of any kind. The same thing goes for an incident with some photos that someone took that really hurt my feelings. It took about five years for me to pick up a camera after that and I still have some resistance to taking pictures of people for that same reason.
My inability to participate in Mormon services is certainly part of wanting to avoid situations that cause hurt. I feel a bit like a lab rat running in a maze who once I’ve been shocked a few times in a particular lane, learns not to return there again.
I don’t think this is an entirely healthy safety mechanism. I think I need to learn better how to face the things that have caused hurt. I can’t always just run the other way.
This morning I got up early to work on a handmade gift for a family member. It was fun to think about that person and to put much intention and love into the process. I can only hope that they will enjoy the final product.
The pic above shows some of the felted wool balls that we made and gave as gifts to our nieces, nephews and beloved furpeople last Christmas. I loved that I was able to purchase the wool directly from the farm where the sheep were raised and where it had been hand-dyed. Making the balls was also great fun–choosing colors, rolling the soapy wet masses over and over in our hands until they created tight spheres.
What are some of the best handmade gifts that you’ve given and received?
‘Tis the gift to be simple,
’tis the gift to be free,
’tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan’t be ashamed.
To turn, turn will be our delight,
‘Til by turning, turning we come round right
‘Tis the gift to be loved and that love to return,
‘Tis the gift to be taught and a richer gift to learn,
And when we expect of others what we try to live each day,
Then we’ll all live together and we’ll all learn to say,
‘Tis the gift to have friends and a true friend to be,
‘Tis the gift to think of others not to only think of “me”,
And when we hear what others really think and really feel,
Then we’ll all live together with a love that is real.
It’s Friday and you’ve probably got a hectic weekend ahead (I know I have a lot on my calendar). So let me give you a simple little gift to make you feel a bit more relaxed tonite…
1) Go to the kitchen
2) Pull some vegetable oil (I think olive is best) and some salt (coarse ground is best, but any will do) out of the cupboard.
3) Standing over the sink, drip about 2 teaspoons of oil into one palm.
4) Then shake about a tablespoon full of salt into your palm
5) Rub your hands together, rubbing the oil/salt in all over your palms, the backs of your hands, and each finger. Use circles to rub it into the backs of your hands and your wrists. Give each finger a gentle stretch as you rub the mixture into each joint. Keep this up for a few minutes.
6) Then, wash your hands with a gentle soap–preferably one with a light natural fragrance.
Now…..don’t your hands feel smooth and relaxed? :)
Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.
~Etty Hillesum
:)
This is me, as I look most of the time (well, maybe not in these particular clothes because I do attempt to shower and change my clothes on most days). Here I’m sitting on the bed typing away on my beloved “junebug” computer.
This is the business of history-making: the long hours spent at keyboard and/or reading. These days I read a minimum of one book per day and I try to write at least two pages daily on my dissertation. I love my work and my life. I’m so lucky to be well-funded and able to pursue this fascinating line of research (and my diphtheria stories make such great party talk!).
For those of you who are still reading(!), you might enjoy my recent ruminations today on my history blog…where I discuss the process of “making collaborative butter sculptures” (do you think I’ve had just wee bit too much work and no play lately???).
:)
(photo by John)
“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life….I think that what we’re really seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our innermost being and reality, so that we can actually feel the rapture of being alive.”
~Joseph Campbell
The last few months have been really kick-ass cool and productive for me. I’ve made lots of progress on my dissertation research, I’ve spent some super high-quality time with friends, I’ve approached many adventures with a new-found sense of confidence. And most of all, I have been healthy!
So it’s rather odd to me that when I returned home this afternoon I felt a bit off…as if there is a small fissure in the bright aura that surrounds me. As I sat here trying to pinpoint that feeling, I think it’s the return of vulnerability. Since I’ve been healing from my surgery and getting stronger I’ve thought I could take on the world (and I have, in so many ways). But now I’m coming down a bit off that “high” and as real life resumes, it’s as if I am starting to feel things more deeply again. By nature I am a contemplative person, and I feel the sorrows of the world almost too potently sometimes. And in this moment, as vulnerability settles in on my shoulder, I’m realizing that for months I’ve been in the mode of doing “what has to be done” and maybe now I’m ready for a some gentleness. To allow myself to cry and to need. And to realize that I don’t always have to be so strong.
I took this pic last week in a plot near mine in our community garden. I just can’t get enough of the blue, blue sky and how beautiful it looks even in the middle of winter(!).
And on a totally unrelated note: for those of you on facebook, I’ve recently created a PilgrimSteps blog network that you can join. At this point I’m not sure exactly if/how I’ll be using the blog networking page, but if you’re on facebook I’d love to have you join the PilgrimSteps community and we’ll see where things evolve from here on out. :)
As an amputee I’ve found that finding ways to do cardio exercise is not easy. I’m not able to run or play sports like tennis or basketball. I can bike, but not for very long distances (due to socket discomfort), and any activity where I get very hot is bound to cause my leg to sweat in the socket and start slipping off, which is painful and can result in injury. Most water sports are out because I have a C-leg that can’t get wet–swimming is the exception because I do it sans prosthesis, but I find that it’s not convenient on a daily basis because of the time entailed in getting to the pool, showering, and then getting back into my leg.
So with this in mind, when I decided I wanted to “get fit” and healthy after I had sufficiently healed from my recent surgery, I had to figure out a way to adapt an appropriate exercise regimen. I wanted to be able to workout at home for convenience’s sake, which added a level of difficulty to finding a good way to exercise. Oh, and also added to the challenge was the fact that I had neither money nor space for any large equipment like a recumbent bicycle or a rowing machine.
I decided on a two-prong approach to cardio fitness. First, I bought an inexpensive mini-trampoline because I had heard from another amputee that she jumped on a trampoline and that it was a good workout. Second, I remembered from years ago a physical therapist recommended stretching using a fitball so I could strengthen my hips and abs (very important walking muscles for an amputee). I realized that I could “jog” while sitting on a fitball by recreating a jogging hip/arm motion. I don’t wear my prosthesis for either exercise. I have added amazon links to both of these items (above) in case you want to purchase something similar, but you should know that both these items are often available via freecycle and craigslist for free.
My typical daily cardio workout is now a 5-10 min jump on the trampoline and a jog on the ball for 20-60 min. A word of warning to any amputee attempting to jump on a trampoline: I do so while having the tramp near a wall or doorway so I can easily reach out and stabilize myself if I start to fall over (which happens quite often). My trampoline doesn’t have a stability bar (like the one on the link above does), but I do highly recommend the bar for anyone who is just starting out with this type of exercise. While jumping or jogging I put on headphones with some good tunes and I also hold dumbbells (varying from 3-12 lbs) for a bit of added strength training. When I first began my workouts on the fitball I fell off a lot, and I still do sometimes. Make sure that you are close enough to a wall or chair that you can catch yourself if you start to tip over. And whatever you do, don’t fall over into a bookcase where a large bag of catfood is likely to be dislodged and fall on your head (just saying…). Also, when you first start this type of exercise, just try for 5 min and then work up to longer workouts. It’s deceptively hard work to hold yourself in balance on a ball while jogging and holding dumbbells. You will feel it in your back and abs, trust me. :)
Since I’ve started my tramp/ball workouts I’ve noticed that I have far greater strength and endurance for walking. These exercises are not only good for my heart, but they seem to target the same muscles that I need for stability in ambulation. I’ve also lost fat and a few pounds along the way. As a result, I feel better, look better, and I have a lot of fun with my morning workouts.
In addition to cardio exercise, I also do dumbbell weight training exercises and about 20 min of yoga stretching daily. In future posts I will discuss how I’ve adapted both weight training and yoga to suit my unique body.
Much of my motivation in writing this post is to suggest various ways that those with bodies like mine might also get ideas about how to achieve cardio fitness. But I’m also writing this because of my many years of frustration at trying to exercise like bipeds and feeling painful and discouraged. Yes, most cardio work depends on being able to bounce, jump, and run confidently on two legs and that’s great for those people who can do that. But for those of us who can’t, it’s quite difficult to figure out how to get our bodies moving in ways that will be safe, fun, and effective. My methods aren’t based on any specific advice from a physician, trainer, or a physical therapist, even though I’ve asked plenty of them for ideas over the years. Instead, I’ve figured this out on my own, as someone who is well aware of my own abilities and limitations. I finally hit a point where I realized that no one else could really tell me how I could best get exercise–I was just going to have to figure it out myself, as I am sure many of you have. Thus, I would really like to hear from those of my readers who have also developed your own adaptive fitness techniques–what do you do and how do you do it?
Caveat: I’m no physical therapist, I am only saying here what’s worked for me in the hopes that it might be helpful to others who are looking for adaptive exercise techniques. Do run these ideas past your doctor or therapist before you try them, ok?
Pic above was taken by John while I was jogging on my fitball.