old flames
2006
Do you ever wonder what happened to your high school sweetheart?
Today I met up with my boyfriend from my senior year of high school. We had an intense and somewhat stormy relationship–but isn’t that what high school romances are always like??
We were both very different, yet perhaps too much the same. Strong-willed, passionate, idealistic, and very, very young. Also, he was a good Methodist boy and I was a Mormon bishop’s daughter. As such, it wasn’t a relationship destined for longevity.
We met for lunch. I didn’t feel so self-conscious about my own grey hair when I saw the threads of silver in his beard. :)
I guess we’re both getting old. But I guess that’s okay if getting old means that you can remember the past fondly–like a pleasant dream–and we can now move on and enjoy getting to know the ‘adults’ that we’ve each become…
It was also a treat to meet his SO and to introduce him to John :)
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A few years ago, more than 20 years since we last saw each other I ran into my high school girlfriend. It was an unexected encounter for both parties. We were at a national professional meeting, and have similar careers in different parts of the country. Nothing untoward occurred, but we spent almost all of our free time together.
We had a wonderful young relationship- only time and distance caused our relationship to fail. She is still beautiful and has a magnetic personality.
Both of us were quite shaken by the experience, and for many weeks I experienced a strong and guilty longing for her. She sent me a carefully worded email indicating the same. We are both happily married and ethical parents, and were both too disturbed by this potentially dangerous encounter to ever contact each other again.
Thanks for the post- I have never told anyone about this before.
Gray:
I suspect that your experience isn’t all that unusual. For those of us who are married (or are in other monomgamous relationships)there will be those moments that we connect with another person in such a meaningful and powerful way and there’s a certain level of temptation that accompanies those moments.
But I think it speaks well of you that nothing “untoward” occurred in your situation. IMO, the guilty longing is not wrong, but human & normal.
When I was younger, I thought that once I was married I would never feel any attraction to another man. So not true (I actually find most men quite attractive). But I don’t let those feelings detract from my affection and loyalty towards John.
Interesting thoughts. I’m curious:
Do you have an old boyfriend who you would be uncomfortable running into?
If so, why?
And do you wish you could go back in time and fix whatever bad happened between you?
Louie:
I am less than comfortable when I see some of my old beaus. Some of those that I do see regularly (not because of planned meetings, but just because our social spheres overlap), I tend to give a polite ‘hello’ to, but I don’t go out of my way to foster conversation. [Note: I do better when I meet up with me ex's in a planned way--like lunch--than in an unexpected meeting. I'm usually just too tongue-tied to be cordial. For example, when I saw one old boyfriend I proceeded to drop my purse, then I picked that up and dropped the book I was holding, then I retrieved that and dropped my pencil, etc. It was just too much of a surprise/shock...]
Why am I uncomfortable with them? Well, I dunno. Just because there’s been so much time since our relationships and I’m not used to having my pre-marriage life intersect with my ‘now.’
Very few, if any, of my relationships broke up because of an ‘incident.’ They generally ended because we just weren’t well-matched . So to go back in time wouldn’t fix that. There are a few of the guys I dated who I think I could’ve married, but I am more than pleased with John so I just don’t reflect much on ‘what if’ type of scenarios.
What about you??
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your original post got me thinking about old loves, and I was interested to read how well your re-connection with your high school BF went. I don’t know how well I would do in the same situation.
I recently ran into the woman I dated just prior to meeting my (now-) wife. When we split, I wanted to stay together and make it work. She didn’t, probably because she had met her now-husband, but didn’t want to tell me. She was very excited to see me again and spent a lot of time asking me “catch-up” questions. I was uncomfortable.
There was another woman I dated for a short while whom I haven’t seen since we broke up over ten years ago. I was really smitten with her, but, in something of a gender reversal, she “was just not that into me“. I wanted something more serious, and she wanted out. But she didn’t tell me that so much as she just stopped being a part of my life. It’s one of those really painful times in my life that I still think about. Part of me wishes she would contact me just to say, “I’m sorry that I hurt you.” But I suspect that she doesn’t even remember me.
Don’t misunderstand — I love my (now-) wife. We have three great kids and I wouldn’t trade anything for their love. But it’s interesting how deep and long-lasting some emotional pain can be.
Louie:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I suspect that I’ve hurt many boyfriends along the way, guys that I “just wasn’t that into.” I’ve never thought of contacting them and apologizing. I’ve always assumed that that might hurt worse–repoening old wounds and all that.
J
I suppose it would depend on the persons, what happened between you, and if you knew how to contact them and could to so safely.
Please don’t feel remorseful just because of the ramblings of an oversensitive anonymous commenter. :-)